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Why Can't Disney Movies Be More Realistic?

Last post 07-17-2008 3:03 PM by Krazy_Koala. 5 replies.
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  • 07-17-2008 11:04 AM

    • mike
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    • Joined on 01-23-2008
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    Why Can't Disney Movies Be More Realistic?

     

    We were discussing Disney Movies in another thread and it sparked a whole new discussion. Since Disney always makes so many sequels to all their movies, what would happen years down the road as real life set in? Here's a few examples:

    The Lion King 4:
    Simba is driven out of the pridelands because of a nearby city's expansion. After wandering the streets and scrapping through garbage cans, he is dubbed a menace and tranquilized. He is relocated to a circus where he is beaten and forced to do humiliating tricks in front of large audiences. The pay is terrible, the hours are lousy, and the other lions don't give him any respect.

    Cindarella 4:
    After having 5 kids, Cindarella finds herself suddenly back to scrubbing floors and doing dishes, only this time there's a crying baby and 4 squabbling children in the mix. Her husband is too busy running the kingdom to offer her any emotional support, and her fairy Godmother is off in Bermuda enjoying her retirement. She soon realizes that it was much easier cleaning up for her wicked stepmother than it is scrubbing toilets and doing diapers.

    Sleeping Beauty 3:
    Sleeping Beauty struggles with insomnia after being tormented by the financial struggles when her kingdom goes into a recession. She finds herself staying up all night every night worrying about all the bills her kingdom has been racking up. Her mounting drinking problem finds her once again sleeping all day every day. After the castle is repossessed, she moves back in with the dwarves. This causes even more problems due to their conflicting personalities.

    Feel free to add any more you can think of. I would love to hear more suggestions. 


    Every man dies, but few truly live. Live your life to its fullest, every day as if it were your last.
  • 07-17-2008 11:26 AM In reply to

    Re: Why Can't Disney Movies Be More Realistic?

     

    I hate to burst your bubble, but Sleeping Beauty never actually lived with the dwarves, that was Snow White.

    The AristoCats:
    After the owner dies of old age the cats are left stranded on the streets. Tom O'Malley becomes RedBullaholic and beating the children. Marie starts selling drugs on the corner in exchange for milk and fish to feed the rest of her family. Cruella Deville catches her brother and turns him into a fur hat.

    The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.

    - Andrew S. Tanenbaum
  • 07-17-2008 11:50 AM In reply to

    • mike
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    • Joined on 01-23-2008
    • Posts 960

    Re: Why Can't Disney Movies Be More Realistic?

    Ahh that's right, I always get the two comatose princesses mixed up.

    Yes, that's what happens when the upper class crumbles. Changes in society tend to turn the tables and leave those with no real skills scraping to survive. It's a tough world out there for the feline aristocracy.

    Every man dies, but few truly live. Live your life to its fullest, every day as if it were your last.
  • 07-17-2008 2:23 PM In reply to

    Re: Why Can't Disney Movies Be More Realistic?

     

    The Little Mermaid 3:

    Melody turns into a fish and gets caught by fishermen. When they realize that she is Prince Eric and Princess Ariels daughter they threaten to make her into a fish taco unless they gave them lots-o-money. When Eric and Ariel agree the evil fishermen take the money and leave without returning Melody. When they are not looking Melody flops out of their get away van. Realizing that she can't run away, the sea witche's sister's 2nd cousin twice removed pops up out of no where and offers Melody the chance to have legs so she can run back to her family but only if she gives her her soul. Melody agrees and goes back to her family wearing tight jeans and a black tshirt with her hair swooped to the side so you can only see half her face. She starts cutting herself and reciting poetry about death.

     Melody: "The sun rises everyday... only to fall off the face of the earth.... over... and over.... and over again."

    The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.

    - Andrew S. Tanenbaum
  • 07-17-2008 2:38 PM In reply to

    • mike
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on 01-23-2008
    • Posts 960

    Re: Why Can't Disney Movies Be More Realistic?

    Oh gosh, what could be worse than an emo mermaid?

    And isn't fishing for mermaids illegal in most states? If not we should set up an environmental group for their protection. Mermaids...if they exist... are some of the most endangered species in the world. They play a vital role in the ecosystem...if they exist. We can't have people harming them and potentially wiping them out...if they exist.

    Canada has laws protecting Bigfoot...if he exists. There are severe penalties by law if Bigfoot exists and you harm him. You can never be too careful when it comes to mythical creatures. I mean look what happened to the unicorn. There were no laws protecting them, no unicorn protection agencies, no unicorn reserves. And what happened? There are no more unicorns left in this world. We need to be more careful to protect keystone mythical species.

    Every man dies, but few truly live. Live your life to its fullest, every day as if it were your last.
  • 07-17-2008 3:03 PM In reply to

    Re: Why Can't Disney Movies Be More Realistic?

     

    I do believe that the unicorns deserved to be wiped out. Noah gave the unicorns fair warning about the flood and what did the unicorns do when Noah was packing the Ark full of animails?.... FROLIC IN THE MEADOWS!  Unicorns have to be probably the most stupid animals ever... when they existed of course. Idiots.

    Why are they called Unicorns anyways?.... shouldn't it be Unihorns. It's a horn right?... not a corn... that's a pretty nasty corn if it is one.

    The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from.

    - Andrew S. Tanenbaum
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