True or False Emails: This One Says It All

Published Wednesday, January 28, 2009 10:24 AM

This is an old one. I think I got it in 2006 and saved it because it really summarizes the whole email scare tactic –


“I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (PennyBrown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer eat KFC because the chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car, so that a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS and FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers, --- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike, that someone assured me would happen shortly.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the
parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

Oh, and don't forget this one. I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooo, if you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!

OH, BY THE WAY.................................................

According to a new study, a South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!”

 


So ends my “True or False” email series. Thanks for reading.
 

by parker
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