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Top 12 Worst Christmas Songs EVER

Christmas carols can be a wonderful part of the holiday season. They can bring back memories, make new memories and create a warm and fuzzy atmosphere. Just the few bars of most Christmas carols set a festive holiday mood.


But there are a few Christmas songs that are just downright annoying. They are horrible scourges that make us want to poke ice picks in our ears. Here are what I believe to be the worst of the bunch – since there are supposedly 12 days of Christmas, here's a terrible song for each day.


1. "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" – Grandma gets drunk and tries to walk home in the snow by herself, and becomes the victim of a hit-and-run by the big man in red himself. Knowing that Grandma's blue hair is the same shade of the candles on the table gives me the urge to vomit. But I do agree with Grandma in that it's better to be dead than have to hear this song again.


2. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" – Okay, this song is really bad. Not only does it make Santa look like a cheat, but it has caused kids everywhere to need therapy for years. What's the therapy for? Well…it's either because Mom and Santa are cheaters, or because the kid has seen that Santa is really Daddy. Either way, kid's got problems.


3. "The 12 Days of Christmas" – A holiday standard, sure. But the issue I have with this song is that by the time you get to, oh say, Day 5, you're sick of Christmas. And who the heck gives a flip about maids milking or how many lords are prancing around? 


4. "Baby, It's Cold Outside" – Creepy song about date rape. Enough said.


5. "The Little Drummer Boy" – Okay, picture it with me: Mary has just given birth, in a stall full of dirty, smelly animals. There's poop and hay everywhere, and now this annoying kid with a drum shows up and wants to play, when all she wants to do is close her eyes and forget where she is. It makes me want to pa-rum-pa-pum-punch him in the face. And when you add in Jessica and Ashlee Simpson singing it, well, I know where I'd like to shove my mistletoe.


6. "Happy Christmas (War is Over)" – John Lennon and Yoko Ono with a tambourine. Never a good idea. This song is like when you get underwear for a present instead of that cool thing you really wanted.


7. "Do They Know It's Christmas?" – I was around in the 80s when "We Are The World" came out. It was a great song. It had a conscience and made us think. But this one is just a poor attempt at making the "We Are The World" sentiment have a Christmas vibe. And who wants to feel guilty when we're wearing obnoxious Christmas sweaters, drinking eggnog and eating those peanut butter cookies with the Hershey's Kiss in the middle?


8. "Last Christmas" – Okay, back in the day, Wham was the stuff and George Michael was hot. But a depressing song about someone who can't get over an ex-lover does not put me in a holiday mood. It makes me want to slit my wrists. By the way, the cover version by Jimmy Eats World is even worse.


9. "Jingle Bells" – The one by the singing dogs. Singing is a term used quite loosely in this instance. Hearing dogs bark a familiar Christmas tune isn't my idea of fun.


10. "What Can You Get a Wookie for Christmas (When He Already Owns a Comb?)" – Yes, there was a Star Wars Christmas album. But this one goes from campy straight to downright painful. Take it from me: If you add this one to your holiday playlist for your next party, you won't have to push people out the door when you're ready for bed.


11. "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth" – Really? Have you ever met any kid, with or without teeth, who would own up to that sentiment?


12. "Carol of the Bells" – The entire song has four notes. That's it. And those four notes stay with you after you've heard them during the holidays – they remain with you until Easter. Not good.


Happy Holidays!

Posted: Dec 09 2011, 11:27 AM by Red On The Head | with no comments
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