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November 2011 - Posts

Thanks for, well, nothing celebrities

It's that time of year, when most people get all warm and fuzzy inside. We all begin to think thoughts of home and hearth, holiday bliss, turkey legs, hot chocolate, Christmas trees and Santa Claus. 

Thanksgiving is next week, and with that comes the traditional practice of thinking of what you are most thankful for. After giving this much thought, I have settled upon the following.

It goes without saying that I am thankful for friends and family, health and happiness. But there are some other things this year that I have to say I am pretty equally thankful for.

We've been hit with a bunch of celebrity screwups this year…in fact, we've been slapped in the face with a dirty plunger full of celebrity goof-ups. More than our fair share, I'd wager. I'm thankful, for this reason, that 2011 is just about done.

First of all, we were hit with the whole Jesse James has found redemption in the arms of Kat Von D thing. We all knew better. In fact, everyone knew better – except Kat. James cheated on America's sweetheart, Sandra Bullock, and we all collectively began to hate the douchebag. We cried out in unison, "No! Stay away!" when Kat began dating him. She recently announced he had cheated on her 19 times during their short relationship, and that the couple is officially dunzo. I'm thankful I don't have to hear about his amazing recovery from being a low-life cheater to faithful partner any more. Well…at least not until around spring.

We've had to endure more news about Michael Jackson's death this year than anyone should ever have to endure. The man's been dead for quite a while now, and he can't possibly be resting in peace. Not with the trial of Dr. Conrad Murray in session. I'm thankful that whole thing is over. The doc gave him the drugs that killed him – we all know it, now we can move on.

The whole mess between Arnold Schwarzenegger and his troll maid was ridiculous. But there's no denying that the kid looks like a mini Governator, so the whole thing happened, no matter how many times we all shake our heads and scream, "Noooo!" Thankful, again, it's all over, and the cigar-sucking former governor of Calee-for-nee-ya (his pronunciation) is out of the spotlight.

Charlie Sheen. No more tiger's blood. Ever. Moving on…

Kim Kardashian got married this year. And 72 days later, she filed for divorce. But not until she'd banked a reported $17 million for the broadcast and publicity of her wedding. And now it's over. Something smells funny here, and although I'm sick of the whole thing, I have to say, the Sherlock Holmes in me wants to know what that "funny" is…so I may have to stick around until the truth comes out. I'm not buying the whole, it-was-real-but-a-big-mistake thing. 

And finally, the biggest hot mess the whole year had to be Lindsay Lohan. This girl and her special brand of crazy has kept the tabloids in business this year. She got in trouble, got probation, screwed up the probation and then went back to court. Got probation again, then screwed up and went back to court. Then…you get the idea. Throw in a little whining about how she isn't bad she's just misunderstood, a bad manicure and way too much blush, and you pretty much have a grip on how LiLo spent 2011.  I, for one, want to just see her put into jail for at least a year. It would help her clean up her act and give me a year to recover from the madness.

I am thankful for many things this year, but at the top of my list is that I no longer have to deal with the escapades of any of these people. They all need a good swift kick in the…well…you get the idea.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Posted: Nov 18 2011, 03:04 PM by Red On The Head | with no comments
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Kim's divorce – I'm over it

The world just can't seem to stop talking about Kim Kardashian and her blasted divorce. So I'm forced to consider it and write about it. Maybe that will help to slough off this mess. And then we can all move on. At least, I will be able to move on.

Kim filed for divorce from Kris Humphries on Oct. 31 – A coincidence? I think not. It makes sense to file for divorce on the scariest day of the year 72 days after you got married. To give you further perspective, the wedding cost $10 million – about $138,888 for each of the days they were legally wed.

I have to say it – I knew this thing wouldn't last. Humphries is far too immature to be able to support the career ambitions of someone like Kim, who has built her career, her persona, and her life on being in the spotlight. He showed just how immature he is early on. 

I'm not sure I believe the whole thing was staged just for the Kardashians' show, because it seems a bit much for just the $17 million they reportedly made off of it. And considering that the family is worth about $65 million, they hardly need the money. 

My take? Kim met a guy who would have her, she was in a hurry to get married and live a fairytale, and she just went for it, without thinking it through. Regrets, table for two.

But you gotta see the humor in all this. I did. So I found some of my favorite Kim K divorce tweets…please, to enjoy.

"I haven't even seen part 2 of Kim's fairytale wedding special yet and the marriage is over?"

"It's always hard getting over the 72-day itch."

"Look out for the next special on E!: "Kim Kardashian: Getting over The Hump"

"Kim K and Kris Humphries are getting divorced after 72 days of marriage? I wasted 4 hours of my life watching that wedding."

"Kim K and Kris Humphries were married for 72 days. I've kept Red Box movies longer than that."

"Kim Kardashian files for divorce after 72 days. Another example of how same-sex marriage is destroying the sanctity of the very institution."

"Kim Kardashian made huge $ on her nuptials, then dumped the stock and brought down the value of marriage."

"Kim Kardashian divorce papers cite irreconcilable differences because 'show me the money' was not an option."

"He was only half the man I thought he was, meaning he is only half black."

"Well, at least we can recycle JLo's divorce jokes."

Posted: Nov 11 2011, 01:33 PM by Red On The Head | with no comments
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