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Here are some opposites we have seen in the parenting world and what they really mean

                       Child’s Interpretation:

Dinner                                      Sandwich and cake
Naptime                                   Lay down while singing and playing
Quiet                                       A little less noisy than loud
Clean up                                  Leave it somewhat chaotic, but not as bad as dirty
Listen                                      What did you say?
Walk                                        RUN!
Eat                                          Poke at it until I can throw it away or hide it
Straighten up                           Sulk until parent takes further action
Be polite                                  Say it just quiet enough for parent to understand
Bedtime                                   (see Naptime) and then 10 minutes later: “I’m thirsty”

 
Go ahead and add a few of your own. This is great therapy for those of us who feel that we are the only ones this happens to. 

LOL that's so true. Whenever someone told my sister it was bedtime, that was always her cue to jump up, get a huge boost of energy, and try to fight sleep with all she had. Once she ran around until she was so tired she actually ran into a wall.

As far as the "Quiet" thing. Even when she would try to whisper, you could hear it from pretty far away. This led to a lot of funny situations when we overheard her whispering as she complained to our mom about us.

Parent says: I mean it!

Child thinks: She doesn't mean it yet.

Parent says: Goodnight. I love you.

Child thinks: This is the perfect time to tell her what happened at school, and to hear another story, and to sing another song, and to go to the bathroom, and to get a drink, and to kiss the dog goodnight, and to tell Mommy one more time that she's the best mommy in the whole world...if she'll read me another story, sing me another song, take me to the bathroom, let me kiss the dog goodnight...

Parent says: No cartoons and no computer games till you've been on green at afterschool for an entire week.

Child thinks: Watching the news in the morning with Mommy isn't so bad after all. Mommy needs my help to play her computer games and write emails to Aunt Liz.

 Parent says: Pick up your clothes and put them in your hamper.

Child thinks: Borrring. I think I'll take the dog outside instead.

Parent says: Go wash your face, brush your teeth, and comb your hair. Hurry we're going to be late!

Child thinks: My face is clean enough. She won't check my breath. I like my hair like this...I look like a ROCK STAR!!!

For those of us with "adult"children: Parents say: That's it, no more, I can not afford to help you with your bills any more. The young man or woman hears: Mom and Dad are always available with open arms and open wallets.

Around my house "No" means "next time turn around and laugh at me before you do that!"