Volunteering tutor time
I've long been aware of the importance of parental involvement in their child's school--some say it's the single most important parenting step to ensure a child's success--but this is the first year I've been able to to get involved through volunteering tutor time. It has turned out to be just as important to me as it to my son and the kids I tutor.
My tutor time is for an hour or hour-and-a-half every Thursday morning, and so far I'm three weeks into it. The kids I'm working with are from my son's first-grade class, and I think their knowing Jack makes them more comfortable with me. Some of the kids I've worked with every week, and some of them I just met this week. The school supplies all the materials we need, but I've added some of my own lessons that the kids seem to like. For instance, we're doing a lot of work with phonics so I'll let the kids know what letter sound I'm targeting before we start. Then, I'll sing a song and have them shout out the word that starts with the targeted sound. For the "b" sound I sang "Hey, Jude, Don't make it BAD. Take a sad song and make it BETTER...." Every once in a while I'll have the kids take turns (I work with two kids at a time) writing down a target sound and singing a song themselves for the other kid to respond to. It's a blast! And, as a special bonus for an aging hippie mom, I get to introduce them to classic rock, protest songs and folk songs that express peace and love. These kids aren't getting many of those messages in their lives.
One of the little girls does so well I've wondered why she's getting the special attention. After working with Ashley (not her real name) for three weeks I've realized that she need the special attention more than the tutoring. Her family situation is abysmal. She and her mom live in a cramped apartment in a complex where the police make nightly calls. Ashley's told me about her nightmares, but said she's not as scared as she was before her mom's boyfriend moved out. When one of the other kids asked if I was mom to both my little boy and Ashley, I thought it was because she and Jack are the only white kids in the class. Later I found out that Ashley told her classmates that I was her mom. I don't know why, but Jack went along with the story. Every week Ashley starts our time together with a reminder of something we said or did the week before. I guess it's a way for her to build stability and continuity.
I can see some improvement in the little boy I've worked with every week. (Call him Javon). He was very, very shy and struggled painfully with the work we were doing. Jack told me the teacher makes Javon stand up at his desk sometimes because he falls asleep when he's seated. Javon said his mom washes laundry for a living; he hasn't said anything about his dad yet. This week he did better with the phonics exercises, and proudly explained the games to another kid who was with us for the first time. The new kid's going to be a real challenge. For starters, I can't understand enough of his speech to even make out his name. I really hope that I get to work with him again next week, and that Javon can continue to help him along like he did this week.
Getting to know more about my son's classmates also gives me a better idea of what's going on in his world during the long days we're apart. I can compare his academic performance and general behavior to the other kids' (yep, they're all that chatty and unfocused). And now I know why he drew such big teeth in his self-portrait: I thought he was illustrating what a big boy he is now that he's lost so many of his baby teeth, until he asked "Do you like my gold teeth, Mommy?" He had drawn a picture of himself with a grill. For a few days he was saying Yo! Dog! a lot around the house. I'm all about multi-culturalism, but I told him he had to respect "my" culture as a white mid-westerner.
When I'm at the school, it's obvious that he's excited to have me there; he proudly introduces me to his friends and teachers, and he always steps outside the classroom to hug and kiss me goodbye one more time before I go. Jack and I share more of his world now, and that's opened up opportunities for conversation beyond "So how was your day at school?". Because I know his teacher better now, it's easier for me to communicate via written notes and emails. And when Jack sees me tutoring, chaperoning and attending School Advisory Council meetings, it's clear to him that I value his school and education. I hope that when Jack sees me spending time with kids who wear clothes that are torn or don't fit well, or whose hair hasn't been combed in days or weeks, it'll help him grow up valuing people who are different from him. I won't always be able to have a big affect on Jack's values, but at this age kids value what their parents value.
Volunteerism has always been very important to me, but this is the first time in a long time I've been able to make it fit within the long days of a full-time job and a full family life. (Thank you, God, for giving me a boss who understands and allows a flexible work schedule.) A lot of people have the misconception that volunteering is an altruistic, selfless activity. Not so. I look forward to Thursday mornings because I know I'll get smiles and hugs from kids who are desperate for a bright spot in their day, and a shot of self confidence. I can see that I'm effective, so it makes me value myself more highly. I'm living with integrity; integrating my values into actions.
It's working for me, my son, his classmates, his teacher, and the school that is such a huge part of our neighborhood and community.