The gifts of maturity are many. Having lived a generous number of years means I can look back and say “I lived through that, I can live through this.” I’ve learned to be easier on myself, though I’m sometimes ashamed of how hard I am on others. The alternatives to aging aren’t attractive anyhow, and fighting it can look pretty silly—Joan Rivers comes to mind.

That said, let me begin my rant: Oh my God, these hot flashes are killing me! “Night sweats” is the same kind of misnomer that morning sickness was for me; this has become an all-day and all-night affliction. Right now, I’m rolling on roughly 3.5 hours of sleep, and have been up since 3:30 a.m. Forgive any typos.

I’ve said I’d never do the hormone replacement thing, but that's maybe because I’m so confused about it. A few years ago, the word was that HRT is good for a woman’s heart. Oops! Turns out it’s bad for a woman’s heart. Admittedly, being a life-long smoker always made it sound like a bad idea anyhow. And, of course, I thought I had all the time in the world to get up to speed on the issue. Hah!

When the flashes started a couple years ago (and in case you get the wrong idea about my age, I was very, very young when they began), I rushed right out and bought an over the counter, herbal estrogen replacement. I never noticed any improvement, but then again, the box said it could take up to 10 weeks to notice a difference. Yeah, like I’ll manage to take that six times a day for 10 weeks just in case it works.

Ah, but I was young and impatient then…and the hot flashes weren’t nearly this bad or this persistent. Out of desperation I’ve developed a couple of coping mechanisms of my own. For instance, putting my head in the freezer brings almost immediate relief. And, when driving, shoving an icy cold Coke down my shirt works—the seatbelt holds it in place, and I can sip from the straw without taking my hands off the wheel.

The one thing that has sustained me (and made it possible to keep my clothes on in public during an attack) has been the knowledge that these hot flashes won’t plague me forever. While I can’t look back and say I’ve been through this before, I can say that millions of other women have been through it, and if they could take it, I can too.

But I talked to a woman the other day who looked to be in her early 60s. She said her hot flashes started at about the same age as mine. Then she went on to say that although it’s been 10 years since her last period, she’s still having hot flashes. I’m telling you, I felt like stuffing my head inside a major appliance!

So tell me: Is it hot in here? Did somebody re-light the pilot on the damn oven?