I finished college at 33. I started a family at 41. I changed careers (again) at 47. It's March, and I've just gotten started on my New Years resolutions. It's been more than a month since my last cigarette. I'm going to physical therapy to strengthen my back so I can become more active, strong and flexible. I've learned the most basic HTML codes.

This is middle age. There are so many tired metaphors and cliches about the reassessing and realigning that takes place at this stage. And it's a long process. I don't think of 40 as being middle age, but that's when I realized I had fewer options. There were things I always thought I could do in life, even if I never exactly planned to, that were just no longer on the table.

I no longer dared to hope that I would become a writer of tremendous talent. Living on the west coast was out, though I love the Pacific. Twenty years of infertility finally led me to the sad realization that family and parenting weren't going to be a part of my life. (Q: How do You make God laugh? A: Tell him your plans!) I went skydiving once, expecting to become addicted like so many other people I'd known. Not only did I not become addicted, I didn't especially like it...and that meant I had to try it again. Having a child changed my mind about flinging myself from a perfectly good plane.

There have been so many surprises along the way--not least of them my family. I'm now part of family with four living generations. My mother is in her 84 with Alzheimers. My son is six. My granddaughter is 2. There is so much I want to be able to do.

And despite some years of pretty awful health problems, I always rebounded. A few months of concerted effort, and I got back in shape and became strong and confident enough to canoe and hike alone in the Ozarks. I may never hike in the Ozarks again, but I'm a frequent visitor to the Blue Ridge and Smoky Mountains, and I want to see more than what's visible from the car.

It will probably take me all of this year to reach my goals. Heck, it's March and I'm just starting to imagine them with any detail! But I've started, and the shift inside me has started. Just taking these first steps is making me stronger, more patient, and more determined.