I've just recently come to realize that who we become is directly related to our past. Fear of becoming like our parents drives us to be as "unlike" them as possible. I think this applies to your rant as well. The big picture is that we as humans, after experiencing a down point in our lives, tend to not go there again. In your friends case.. this was extreme. If you try too hard to get away from those experiences you find yourself with a new set of problems. In your pursuit for a happy medium, check yourself. To be honest, the fact that you are noticing this now... I think you're going to do just fine. :)

I certainly don't have all the answers, but I try not to be too hard on myself.

I've come to think that when we evaluate how balanced our lives are, we should examine the entire life span. In my misspent youth, I sure did a lot of ...misspent youth things, but that was left behind. There are times in our lives when we have to spend more time and energy on professional achievement, or even material acquisition. And there are times when me have to focus on our families, or on our own spiritual or physical health.

Maybe the secret is in holding onto all those threads at the same time, never letting go of any of them, but holding some tighter than others at the appropriate times. Balance isn't static.

An ex-husband came from a poor, coal-mining family in Arkansas, and when the mine closed, even bare necessities became scarce. With incredible determination he and most of his siblings managed to achieve terminal degrees; all were very driven, accomplished and even work addicted. My husband also achieved success, and we both took for granted the luxuries and freedoms that afforded us.

As we were divorcing, he thought the problem in our marriage was that he still wasn't earning enough, couldn't give me enough. Finally, in exasperation, I told him that he'd been a wonderful provider, but a terrible husband! He was comforted by that.