Reality Check

High School Advanced Placement Programs

2008-05-14T20:13:00Z

Did any of you take any Advanced Placement classes in High School? I took three of them and for those of you considering them for yourselves or your children, be sure to do a little research before signing up. The idea is you take a class in High School and at the end of the semester, take what was essentially a CLEP test to get college credit for the class. Back in High School, they pushed all of us at the top of my class very hard to get us into this program and we were thrilled at their promises of possible college credit. It was only afterwards that we learned how we were given the short end of the stick.

I took 3 AP classes and got college credit for only two of them. While they had the exact same academic weight as normal honors classes, they were over twice as hard. They were actually about on the same difficulty level as the senior level classes I took at FSU. The only benefit from this was that all through my college years I kept telling myself I'd aced harder classes before. I also learned that many colleges don't even accept credit from AP classes. Lots of my friends endured the struggle for absolutely nothing, and ended up having to take the class over again (but it was much easier in college).

Aside from being much more academically challenging and overwhelming, AP classes are extremely academically risky. The whole point of the class is to get college credit, but in most of my classes, it was only the top 10% or less that actually passed the exam. I got As in all three classes and learned all of the material, but it barely even helped me on the AP exams. Especially with calculus, I recognized only about half what was on the exam. When we all discussed it in class afterwards and looked at the syllabus and textbook, we found out that it wasn't just our imagination. We had only learned about half the material, but killed ourselves in the process.

When I got to college, I was given a full Bright Futures scholarship, which pays for up to 5 CLEP exams. I had burned 3 of them on AP Exams, so I was left with 2 CLEP attempts. I took both tests without even studying and clepped out of them with higher grades than I had from my AP exams. I probably could have clepped the other 3 classes and saved myself nearly a year of stress and burnout.

My AP U.S. History teacher was very up front with us from the beginning. He said, "Your grades WILL suffer in this class, but all I care is you pass the AP Exam. We learned a HUGE amount of material and often covered 3 chapters a week in our text. I hardly ever finished my homework before 2 AM and was always cramming for a test. And I mean this literally. We had our first quiz assigned the first day, and took our first test the first week. Some weeks we had a Test on Monday, learned a whole chapter on Tuesday, Test Wednesday, chapter Thursday, Test Friday. Almost all of our class took place at home where we read, studied, and memorized 20-30 pages of dense material. I got a 3 on the exam, which is barely a passing grade. Probably 90% of my class failed miserably and had nothing to show for all their hard work but some abysmally low grades on their report card.

My Advanced Placement Calculus was the opposite. We worked reasonably hard but the teacher was very lenient with us. Aside from AP Calculus, she was also the cheerleading coach. She was a tiny cute little lady in her 20's and she was the stereotypical dumb blonde. She used to go up on the board and try to graph something. She would say, "And then you do your little swoop-de-doo and plot your points.... and... uh... wait... That doesn't look like what the book says... ummm..... does anyone know what I did wrong?..... can anyone help?....." She was a very nice person, just not a good teacher.

She would often say, "Ok... so I got the tests graded and.. well you all failed... so let's try to take the test again on Friday and maybe you guys can do a little better this time..." Most of the other students just gave up. One of my friends literally brought a pillow to sleep on in class. Another guy made origami all day. One student knit an entire chain mail vest during class.

I worked really hard and got a very high A in the class, but bombed on the AP exam. After I turned in my exam, I looked around at my fellow students to see how they were doing. There were a couple girls in tears, and few people sleeping with pencils still in hand. One guy had the plastic bag the tests came in over his head, as if trying to end his suffering. Based on my experience, I would say AP classes are about the worst thing a student can do in high school. They were one of the biggest factors in my overall burnout that made me really despise education. They stressed us out to no end, and ended up hurting us more than helping us academically.

Naturally when my brother got to High School I told him about all this. He ended up dual enrolling. He basically took real college classes while still in high school. By the time his friends graduated High School, he had a full AA degree. He will most likely have a full BS degree (and so far a perfect 4.0 GPA) by the time he is 20.

So we may wonder, with all the drawbacks of the AP program, why do they push us SO hard to take these classes? We had to literally battle the administration to keep me from being pushed into an AP Biology class. We wondered why they were so adamant about not letting me out of the class. I found out later that they are rewarded better funding for more of their students passing the AP exams. They knew I was one of the best candidates for passing and tried VERY hard to protect their investment. I learned through my years in High School that what really motivated them was money, not the well being or even education of the students.

Hooked on Ebonics

2008-04-21T13:29:00Z

Have you ever found yourself needing a translator in your own country with other American citizens? Are our nation's dialects diverging further and further from a single language, and becoming languages of their own?

I will never forget when I was walking through FSU campus and a group of prospective students stopped me to ask some questions. The guy talking to me spoke such thick and fast ebonics, I literally had no idea what he was saying. After asking him to repeat it a couple times, his friend stepped up and said it more slowly and clearly. I felt so horrible when I realized that I actually needed a translator to understand this guy. And we had an entire conversation in front of the whole group of students... through a translator. They were all good sports about it and seemed pretty understanding about my linguistic incompetencies, but I felt pretty ridiculous as I stumbled along through a translator.

One of my classmates in High School was an absolutely brilliant kid. The teacher wasn't there one day (or he had locked himself in his closet to get some work done as he sometimes did). So this student got up at the front of the room and said very clearly and slowly, "Ok class, welcome to learning ebonics with Ovid. Our first word today is Foooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo." And he wrote out Fooo... all the way across the board. "This word is spoken when some acquaintance of yours is acting somewhat unintelligent or irrational. Our next word is Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. You say this... pretty much all the time."
I found it all terribly funny until I learned that they were actually planning to offer an ebonics class as a second language at our high school.

When I was working for the FWC, I got a nasty letter from a concerned citizen who was absolutely irate that we would print our fishing regulations in Spanish. He ranted on and on about how we were causing our society to fall apart by encouraging foreigners to not have to speak our language and how if people are going to live in our country they had better darn well learn to speak our language.

I still remember how shocked and surprised I was one day when I sat down at a Chinese restaurant and the waitress said in clear, perfect English, "Hi, how are you guys doing today?" Usually we have to wade through the language barrier just to get our order out. I actually did some volunteer work helping a girl from a Chinese restaurant learn English. Neither of us spoke a word of each other's languages, so it was quite an experience.It taught me a lot about just how hard our language is to pick up, and how complicated a language it really is. She genuinely wanted to learn and you could see in her eyes how proud she was to be getting an education in English.

Personally, I have no problem with letting people preserve their unique heritage and language within our country. But I also think there is a certain measure of universal compatibility that needs to be maintained to keep our country functional. There are tiny countries in the world where you can encounter an entirely different language every couple hundred miles. America is one of the biggest countries in the world, yet we all speak (generally) a single language. This makes it possible to trade and function with anyone on our soil. I can fully agree that if you live in a country, for your own sake and for others, you should really learn their language. But I am still reminded that every single American (except the Native Americans) was originally a foreigner. Each of us is most likely descended from an immigrant who had to leave their own country and adopt a new culture, language, and nation as their own.

What are your thoughts on rising and evolving dialects? Do you think they enrich our country and preserve our individuality or do you think they threaten our unity and ability to function as a unified nation? Do you think we should cater to other cultures and write everything in multiple languages for those who can't or just refuse to learn English? Do you think we should work harder to teach our language and culture to others or do you think they should be compelled by necessity to fit into the American mold?

What's Up With Cheerleaders?

2008-04-14T13:29:00Z

In High school we used to have pep rallies to get us all pumped up for the football games. Now I will freely admit, there wasn't much to cheer for with our resounding 0 win football season. Our fans flipped out when the quarterback actually got to throw the ball before he got sacked. But there was just no enthusiasm for our school. The cheerleaders would all run out and yell GO CHILES. The fans would respond with a resounding... ugh.... They didn't even have enough enthusiasm to boo at them. They actually had good reason to ban studying during pep rallies. My friends and I could have gotten into serious trouble because we smuggled in our textbooks so we could study for our exams. I almost hoped they would catch us because I would love to have been the kid to be expelled for studying at school. While we were busy studying away, the majority of the crowd kept busy throwing empty bottles and candy wrappers at the cheerleaders who were apparently more entertaining as targets than anything else.

I always wondered, what's the point of cheerleaders? I mean how many football players are interviewed at the end of the game and attribute their success to the cheering? "Ya know, I was out there on the field and the cheerleaders yelled "Go Team Go" and suddenly it just hit me, I'm on the team. I should go. So I ran, and that's why I caught the winning touchdown." How many fans are suddenly inspired to cheer for their favorite team just because the cheerleaders were so into it? Do all those flips and twirls help the team win?

There are some things we will never understand. For everything else, there's Google.

Reality Check Closed for Construction

2008-03-17T21:58:00Z

In case you haven't noticed by now, I have put my posts to Reality Check on hold. I have been working with the Blogiversity Forums and the site as a whole to improve your experience here. So instead of reading my blog, please check out our new FORUMS. We have added a variety of new categories that are quickly becoming very active. Some of the most popular are the Super Smash Brothers Brawl forums, iPhone forums, and Movies and Television forums. Be sure to jump into the discussions.

Disorder in the Courts Part 1

2008-03-03T20:37:00Z

Disorder in the Courts Part 1

Each trial has two lawyers. The job of one is to uphold justice, and the job of the other is to obstruct it. If an innocent man spends life in prison or a murderer walks free, it is because one of the lawyers successfully swayed the jury and thwarted justice. Just like our electoral system, the judicial system assumes that everyday citizens are capable of making good, logical decisions. Unfortunately this is a rather unrealistic expectation. The following are some snippets of dialogue taken from actual courtroom sessions.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty -year -old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Tech Support Calls Part 2

2008-02-29T15:18:00Z

Tech Support Calls Part 2

Some people just can’t seem to wrap their heads around technology. No matter how hard we try, some people just don’t get it. Here are yet more reports of some of the kinds of calls received by tech support staff.

An IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and I had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk - I couldn't even fit it in ...." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first.

Overheard in a computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"

Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."

Caller : "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech :"Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as a part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller : "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotion. It just has "4X" on it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off in the drive.

Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash -- it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
Customer: (pause) "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"

A customer had followed the instructions for installing software. The instructions said to remove the disk from its cover and insert it into the drive. The user had physically removed the casing of the disk and wondered why there were problems.

CLASSIFIED: Ads Part 3

2008-02-28T15:12:00Z

CLASSIFIED: Ads Part 3

"Government employer looking for candidates. Criminal background required."
"Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it."

Sometimes a misplaced or missing word can cause an embarrassing mistake. Sometimes simple changes in the structure of a sentence can completely change its meaning. In the Classified ads, it could cause criminals to apply for your job or a maid to seem overly friendly. Here are more examples of classified ads that just didn’t quite work properly.

"Government employer looking for candidates. Criminal background required."
(They’re hiring crooks. It must be a job in politics)

"Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children."
(He will eat just about anything, but his favorite snack is elementary aged kids)

"Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00."
(The other-other white meat. Available at all McSoylent Burger restaurants)

"His and hers bicycles, $25 each or both for $55."
(You get a negative ten percent discount for buying in bulk)

"For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers."
(She had better have large drawers to fit her thick legs)

"Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too."
(One of our old employees was very clumsy. We have plenty of extra pairs of ears lying around here)

"Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory."
(The all new Stripperbot 500 can strip at an amazing rate of 50 girls per hour)

"We'll move you worldwide throughout the country."
(See the world without even leaving the U.S. They must take you to Disney Land)

"We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand."
(Every stitch is tenderly and lovingly ripped apart)

"Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it."
(Discounts on sponge baths. Ask about our group rates)

"If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachaise Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin."
(It’s just full or immortal dead people… There’s nothing worse than a French zombie…except perhaps a French mime)

Gas Prices and the Energy Crisis

2008-02-27T16:52:00Z

Gas Prices and the Energy Crisis

Why are gas prices so high? Why hasn’t the economy forced their prices back down? What can we do to stop them? After nearly eating a mold encrusted muffin I bought at a Shell station this morning, I’m feeling particularly inspired to tackle these questions and present the most effective and realistic solutions I have seen for lowering gas prices.

Today I stopped at a Shell station on the way to work to grab some breakfast. I was low on gas and hungry, so the Circle K food store seemed like the perfect solution. I picked out a delicious looking ham-egg-n-cheese muffin. The gas prices were abnormally bad, so I decided to just fuel up my stomach and make the car wait. When I got to work, I opened up the breakfast my mouth was watering over for so long only to find the entire bottom of it was covered in a dull grayish-turquoise-mold. So I started out my day with an empty stomach and empty gas tank. It has been a while since I have felt comfortable filling up a full tank of gas because the gas prices have been so bad lately. Sometimes I feel like I’m playing the stock market just buying gas every couple of weeks. So why can the gasoline industry get away with these unfair and unreasonable prices on something we all need to survive? Once again, it all boils down to simple economics.

What causes such high gas prices?

To understand how gas companies can get away with these prices, you must first understand how our market economy works. The key to economics is supply and demand. When demand rises, prices can rise. If enough people need something badly enough, they will pay more for it. When a resource less common, it is more valuable. This is why a diamond is so valuable, while water is so cheap. Diamonds serve no purpose other than looking good, but we will die without water. Oil is relatively rare compared to other natural resources, and practically EVERYONE needs gas for their car.

As if the sheer economics weren’t making oil companies rich enough, the top oil producers organized a cartel to further strangle consumers. A cartel is an organization of producers of a certain good who all agree to charge a set price on what they produce. This creates an effective monopoly, which is devastating to market prices. The reason you can go to Wal Mart and buy a shirt for 1/10 the price of the same shirt with a brand name printed on it is because of market competition. One supplier undercuts another, and people buy from the cheaper one. The first supplier must then either raise quality or lower prices to keep from losing all its customers and dying off. This happens in just about every sector of the economy and causes most products to become affordable to the everyday consumer. In a monopoly, there is no competitor to undercut the supplier, so there is no need to lower prices or increase quality. They can charge whatever they want and no one can do anything about it. This is why you can’t just go down the street to the thrift gas station and buy the cheap gas for affordable prices.

How Can We Lower Prices?

So what can we do about this? Are we just helpless to the economy? We are still consumers, and as such, we technically still hold the power in the economy. It just takes a lot of organization to effect change. If people don’t buy a producer’s goods, they make no money, and therefore have to bring people back to buying their products, or go out of business. In my opinion we have three main options. We can create competition, forcefully lower prices by boycott, or make the necessary progression into the next era of energy solutions so we no longer need oil.

The first solution would be to bring in new competitors for the oil industry who would not be a part of the cartel. In order for a monopoly to exist, they must keep competitors from entering the market. If a new company were to come in and offer reasonable gas prices, we would all buy from them. Unfortunately, because of the Middle Eastern control of the world’s main oil reserves, it will be very difficult for anyone to gain a good enough supply of oil to sustain America and compete with the oil cartels. If this could be done, the competition would drive cartel prices to compete with the market and all gas prices would go down.

The second solution would be to directly control the economy through public boycotts. There was an organized attempt at this, but it failed miserably. The public set out one day where they would not buy gas. The gas companies lost millions of dollars in sales on that day, but they knew the American people couldn’t live without their precious gas for long. The next day they simply raised prices to higher than they had been and made up for their losses immediately. If we want to hurt them, it has to be for more than a day. I heard one proposal for a boycott that could actually work. If the public would buy gas from only the smaller companies, the larger companies would suffer a sustained loss. With their customers in steady decline and no hope for people to come back, they would be forced to lower prices to bring people back to their company. With their prices lowered, people would flock to them, and their competitors would be forced to lower prices to keep up. This would keep fluctuating until they found equilibrium at an affordable price.

The third solution is in my opinion the best. It is also very difficult to accomplish. It would involve weaning our economy off our oil dependency. Our oil reserves will be used up eventually. The only question is when. We have the technology for electric driven cars. We have other options to generate electricity without the need for fossil fuel. I won’t go too in depth on this right now because there is too much to cover on the logistics of moving our society off our oil dependency. I will say that we need a solution. When you think of what happens when the power goes out in a city for a day, you might imagine what would happen when the whole power grid goes down indefinitely. If we don’t find a new source of dependable power, this could become reality. We have lots of options for personal transportatoin. Many people are taking to carpooling and biking short distances. Smaller modes of more efficient transportation such as Segways and electric scooters are becoming more popular. We just need to bump this up to a larger scale solution.

My neighbors used to drive a sleek black BMW, but they recently traded it in for a disgustingly orange Volvo. They are extremely happy with the trade-in because they got the car from a scientist who equipped it with a special engine that runs on vegetable oil. They stop at a restaurant every now and then to pick up the oil left over after frying their food. The restaurants are always happy to part with it because it saves them the trouble of disposing of it. And in return, my neighbors get to live without ever having to pay for gas. If these were on the market, I know I would buy them (preferably not the old, ugly Volvo model). As more fuel efficient vehicles come into the market, gas demand should diminish and prices will have to go down to keep up.

The oil prices of today are a symptom of a larger, more eminent problem. Our technology is in a race against our oil consumption. We will either come out with clean, cheap energy, or society will be thrust into chaos and depression as our last energy reserves are used up. Our fuel consumption seems like such a menial problem, but in order for our society to continue on its current course of prosperity, we need to find ways to adjust and adapt to the changing world we live in.

I would like to hear your input on this too. What solutions would you propose to drop gas prices or replace our oil consumption with better energy sources? What energy solution would you see our society going toward in the future? I appreciate your feedback so don't hesitate to reply.

Strange State Laws: Colorado

2008-02-26T15:00:00Z

State Laws: Colorado

"One may not mutilate a rock in a state park. It is illegal to mistreat rats in Denver, Colorado. Catapults may not be fired at buildings. It is illegal to let a dandelion grow within the city limits. Cats may not run loose without having been fit with a taillight."

Colorado is a state that strongly enforces the protection of animal rights...and the rights of rocks. They have a great deal of rocks to protect in Colorado. The following are laws that were once actually legitimized in the legal system of this state.

One may not mutilate a rock in a state park.
(One may not commit cruel and unusual acts upon rocks. Despite their hard exterior, they cry on the inside)

Boulders may not be rolled on city property.
(This one's got bored teenagers all over it)

Cats may not run loose without having been fit with a taillight.
(Have you ever tried to stick a tail light on a cat? Good luck with that)

The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park.
(This way dogs have the option to read the signs and leave peacefully)

It is illegal to permit ones llama to graze on city property.
(They must have a real llama infestation out there)

It is illegal to mistreat rats in Denver, Colorado.
(SAVE THE RATS!)

Residents may not own chickens, but may own up to three turkeys.
(Let's face it, chickens are annoying)

It is illegal to let a dandelion grow within the city limits.
(ALL DANDELIONS MUST DIE! KILL THEM ALL!)

It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence.
(Is it legal if the horse is under the influence?)

It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building.
(Horses don't do well in elevators or on stairs)

Tags may be ripped off of pillows and mattresses.
(Thank goodness they finally legalized tag ripping in one state)

Throwing missiles at cars is illegal.
(It is also impractical, immoral... and REALLY fun)

Catapults may not be fired at buildings.
(This was to stop the revival of medieval siege warfare)

Persons may not urinate in public.
(I'm glad they established that)

Establishments which sell alcohol must have enough lighting to read text inside them.
(Because when someone is drunk, it is very hard to make out the fine print warning against the effects of alcoholic beverages)

It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes "unbecoming" on one's gender.
(The fashion police are out in force now)

It is illegal to crash into obstacles on a ski slope.
(Violators will be beaten by obstacles on a ski slope)

Tech Support Calls Part 1

2008-02-25T15:55:00Z

Tech Support Calls Part 1

Our world is becoming more and more dependent on technology, but many of us that have not grown up with computers have trouble adjusting to their use in everyday life. My seven-year-old sister could turn the computer on, boot up her Winnie-the-Pooh game and play it without any help, but my mom is still afraid to touch the computer for fear of breaking it. No matter how many times I tell her it doesn’t have a self-destruct key, it still intimidates her.

I used to work with a lady who was always on the phone with the tech support staff. Once, I could hear her complaining that no matter what she did, her computer would not turn on. The tech support guy came all the way out and asked if she had checked to make sure the computer was plugged in. She said, of course it was plugged into the wall. He then asked if she had checked to make sure the cord was also plugged into the computer. There was dead silence.

Another day she was shipping back a “defective” wireless mouse and keyboard. After installing and troubleshooting, they just wouldn’t work. I checked them and confirmed my suspicions. No batteries.

One of the most computer savvy people in the office called me in for my “technical expertise” to find out why the printer didn’t work. She had rebooted, cleared the cache, and gone through all imaginable steps to fix it. I took a glance at it, and said, “Well, I don’t know much about this model, but I think that green light should probably be on.” I pressed the power button and it started printing.

There are so many things that can go wrong with computers. Often times, it is simply a case of users who don't know how to use their equipment. These are a few transcripts of actual tech support calls made by people who don’t fully understand the computers they use. I will post more as I come across them.

Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"
Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she down loaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"

A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows."
The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."

Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

Missing my Spam Mail

2008-02-22T19:02:00Z

Who would have thought I would actually miss my spam someday. It used to frustrate me to no end when I would have to grub through all the credit card offers and car deals to get to my actual mail. Now thanks to how I have been spamming them back (See my earlier post about spam mail) I haven't gotten a single piece of spam in weeks. This is great, but now I actually need to get a credit card. Where I used to be able to just go to my mail box and pick from any of 5 cards or any model of new car that I MUST HAVE, now I just find real mail.

I never thought I would find myself needing a credit card either. I always do all my transactions by debit and always made sure to have the money in the bank before I spent it. I thought this was a great idea to avoid the slow siphon of interest. But I didn't realize how credit dependent this world is. With my credit score of exactly 0, I can't buy a car or house, and even renting my apartment almost didn't go through. Now I am going to get a credit card for the sole purpose of building my credit. I will go to the store and buy a pack of gum, pay the bill on time, and slowly but surely build up my credit score to a point where I can function in today's society.

Is Obama's Wife Proud To Be An American?

2008-02-21T15:34:00Z

"Let me tell you something. For the first time in my adult life, I am proud of my country, because it feels like hope is finally making a comeback." See Fox News Article

The question was raised, has she not been proud of our country for the rest of her adult life? This sparked quite a discussion in our office. I'm sure everyone has strong opinions about this one, and I would like to hear them. Today I would like to step back to pose a question, and not voice my own opinions on this subject. Before anyone responds, let me lay out the ground rules: Keep it clean and refrain from any personal attacks. I will moderate this and step in if necessary. I want this to be a safe place to express views and facts, not a battlefield.

I will share my views on politics as a whole: I believe politics in general is severely flawed. I worked in a senatorial campaign for a summer and I learned first hand what politics is all about. I see the real politics, not the glorified media edited, for the masses politics. I see people speaking as democrats/republicans/and perhaps sometimes third parties, not as individuals. I see people buying into propaganda and sometimes even outright lies. I see party agendas pushed, not America's agenda. I see facts and information spun one way or another to support the party's views. I see people devoting their entire life and livelihood to digging up dirt on people. I see people rallying behind parties without knowing or wanting to see the entirety of who they are supporting. What I want to see is people weighing the information for themselves, thinking for themselves, and voting based on what a candidate will do with our country in the next four years. So please, speak your own mind, not the collective mind of whatever party you may be allied to.

CLASSIFIED: Ads Part 2

2008-02-20T15:00:00Z

CLASSIFIED: Ads Part 2

I tell people to ALWAYS proofread... ESPECIALLY when what you write will be seen by thousands of people. Here are yet more bungled classified ads which were no doubt the cause of great embarrassment.

"Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour."
(If you're tired of making so much money, we can offer you even lower wages)

"Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours."
(Takes even less time to get rid of grandmothers)

"Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it."
(You can never re-get it... so you don't do withdrawals here?)

"Wanted. Hunting rifle, suitable for teenagers."
(Earl bagged two kids last weekend behind the High School)

"Vacation Special: have your home exterminated."
(For those who want a more... permanent vacation)

"Shakespeare's Pizza - Free Chopsticks"
(Man that's some WEIRD pizza)

"Georgia peaches, California grown - 89 cents lb."
(So where are they from again?)

"Carpal Tunnel Syndrome - Free Sample!"
(Now you can feel our pain)

"Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast."
(Mmmm charcoal... just like mom used to make)

"Christmas tag sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person."
(We sell camouflage, masks, and ninja gear)

"Mother's helper -- peasant working conditions."
(We will treat you like a pauper)

"Buy your new bedroom suite from us, and we will stand behind it for six months."
("So what's with those people standing outside?" "Oh, that's just my realtors")

"A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms."
(For those who just want good looking waitresses)

Strange State Laws: California

2008-02-19T18:15:00Z

State Laws: California

I decided to post two states today to make up for the overall blandness of the Arkansas post. With actors and celebrities roaming the streets, we know California is home to some of the most unique and strange individuals. Any state that would elect the Terminator as their governor is bound to have some interesting laws. Here are a few examples.

Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.
(…as long as the weather allows)

No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
(Unattended vehicles must go no more than 40 miles per hour. Remember, safety first)

It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
(It would be so much fun to go whale hunting from a van… or perhaps a tank)

Peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways.
(Yep California has a real peacock infestation)

Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.
(My friend actually tried that in a lake)

City Council order reads: “No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash”
(Dogs must keep their masters restrained at all times)

You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows.
(This is part of the campaign to keep California poser free)

One may not bring their dog to school.
(What about little lambs?)

It is illegal to own a green or smelly animal hide.
(So no skunk, frog, or iguana skin garments)

Persons may not ride their bicycles through the “Fountain of Life”.
(We wouldn’t want it to turn into another Herby.)

Strange State Laws: Arkansas

2008-02-19T17:41:00Z

State Laws: Arkansas

Well, there isn’t much to say about Arkansas. Actually there is never much to say about Arkansas. Come to think of it, does anyone know where Arkansas is? Well either way, here are a few of the state laws in Arkansas… wherever that is.

It is unlawful to walk one’s cow down Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday.
(Once again, no laws against rhinoceros. I need to go get one of those)

The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.
(If only the President had made a law like that, New Orleans would still be just fine. No wonder everyone says it’s his fault. I always thought they were just blaming him for using his executive power of summoning hurricanes)

Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.
(They make good back-scrubbers though)

Honking one’s car horn at a sandwich shop after 9 PM is against the law.
(“Honk for service” is kind of a fad of the past now)

Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.
(Arkansas: Catholic School capitol of the world)

No one may “suddenly start or stop” their car at a McDonald’s.
(This must have been before the advent of the Drive Thru)

Dogs may not bark after 6 PM.
(Maybe that’s why the pound is so full these days)