Reality Check

State Laws: Colorado

"One may not mutilate a rock in a state park. It is illegal to mistreat rats in Denver, Colorado. Catapults may not be fired at buildings. It is illegal to let a dandelion grow within the city limits. Cats may not run loose without having been fit with a taillight."

Colorado is a state that strongly enforces the protection of animal rights...and the rights of rocks. They have a great deal of rocks to protect in Colorado. The following are laws that were once actually legitimized in the legal system of this state.

One may not mutilate a rock in a state park.
(One may not commit cruel and unusual acts upon rocks. Despite their hard exterior, they cry on the inside)

Boulders may not be rolled on city property.
(This one's got bored teenagers all over it)

Cats may not run loose without having been fit with a taillight.
(Have you ever tried to stick a tail light on a cat? Good luck with that)

The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park.
(This way dogs have the option to read the signs and leave peacefully)

It is illegal to permit ones llama to graze on city property.
(They must have a real llama infestation out there)

It is illegal to mistreat rats in Denver, Colorado.
(SAVE THE RATS!)

Residents may not own chickens, but may own up to three turkeys.
(Let's face it, chickens are annoying)

It is illegal to let a dandelion grow within the city limits.
(ALL DANDELIONS MUST DIE! KILL THEM ALL!)

It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence.
(Is it legal if the horse is under the influence?)

It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building.
(Horses don't do well in elevators or on stairs)

Tags may be ripped off of pillows and mattresses.
(Thank goodness they finally legalized tag ripping in one state)

Throwing missiles at cars is illegal.
(It is also impractical, immoral... and REALLY fun)

Catapults may not be fired at buildings.
(This was to stop the revival of medieval siege warfare)

Persons may not urinate in public.
(I'm glad they established that)

Establishments which sell alcohol must have enough lighting to read text inside them.
(Because when someone is drunk, it is very hard to make out the fine print warning against the effects of alcoholic beverages)

It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes "unbecoming" on one's gender.
(The fashion police are out in force now)

It is illegal to crash into obstacles on a ski slope.
(Violators will be beaten by obstacles on a ski slope)