Reality Check

CLASSIFIED: Ads Part 2

     I tell people to ALWAYS proofread... ESPECIALLY when what you write will be seen by thousands of people. Here are yet more bungled classified ads which were no doubt the cause of great embarrassment.

"Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour."
(If you're tired of making so much money, we can offer you even lower wages)

"Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours."
(Takes even less time to get rid of grandmothers)

"Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it."
(You can never re-get it... so you don't do withdrawals here?)

"Wanted. Hunting rifle, suitable for teenagers."
(Earl bagged two kids last weekend behind the High School)

"Vacation Special: have your home exterminated."
(For those who want a more... permanent vacation)

"Shakespeare's Pizza - Free Chopsticks"
(Man that's some WEIRD pizza)

"Georgia peaches, California grown - 89 cents lb."
(So where are they from again?)

"Carpal Tunnel Syndrome - Free Sample!"
(Now you can feel our pain)

"Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast."
(Mmmm charcoal... just like mom used to make)

"Christmas tag sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person."
(We sell camouflage, masks, and ninja gear)

"Mother's helper -- peasant working conditions."
(We will treat you like a pauper)

"Buy your new bedroom suite from us, and we will stand behind it for six months."
("So what's with those people standing outside?" "Oh, that's just my realtors")

"A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms."
(For those who just want good looking waitresses)