Reality Check

 
Forest Service Suggestions:

I used to love playing the computer game, Sim City 2000. I once set out to make a massive New York style city. I leveled the entire landscape and removed all the trees… except the one tree I missed in the terrain editor. My city was in full swing when I demolished it. The whole city was in an uproar because I had destroyed the habitat of the Native Bull Moose. I had to picture a whole herd of moose hiding behind the one remaining tree in the city.

While my Sim citizens were merely exceptionally mindless computer programs, they were at times surprisingly true to life. The following are real complaints and suggestions filed by hikers at National Forest Service stations.

"Need more signs to keep area pristine."
(We need signs about every two or three feet throughout the woods. That will keep it clean and natural. See example below)

"Escalators would help on steep uphill sections."
(Apparently someone doesn’t quite get the concept of hiking)

"Chairlifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them."
(The leading cause of mild inconvenience in hikers is hiking. Chair lifts would alleviate this possible discomfort)

"Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals."
(From now on all sticks shall be banned from the forest)

"Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill."
(A good wilderness should be perfectly level so as not to inconvenience lazy hikers)

"The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals."
(I hope this person doesn’t own a guinea pig)

"Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness."
(What we need is a good nuclear war to save the environment)

"Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands."
(This would also accommodate the 500+ pound hikers)

"All the mile markers are missing this year."
(Either that or you might be a bit lost)

"Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse."
(The non smoking campaign had just one fatal flaw. No one thought to reach out to smoking horses)

"A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call."
(Some deer, when deprived of an education and good source of income, will resort to petty theft and violence.)

"Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests."
(All wild animals should be destroyed to promote a good, healthy environment)

"Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in the winter."
(I think the escalators were a better idea)

"Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights."
(Most people prefer to use their flashlights to actually light things)

"A McDonald's would be nice at the trailhead."
(The frying of beef flavored material would really help hikers enjoy the smells of the great outdoors)

"The places where trails do not exist are not well marked."
(Perhaps it would be less confusing to mark everywhere that trails don’t exist?)

"Too many rocks in the mountains."
(I couldn’t agree more)