Reality Check

CLASSIFIED: Ads Part 1

 "Great Dames for sale." "Lost Cocktail." "Illiterate? Write today for free help." The classified ads are the perfect place to find communication errors. They are widely publicized and seldom properly edited. Sometimes it’s a simple matter of the auto correct function on their word processor. Sometimes a letter is wrong or a word is missing. Such a simple thing can completely alter the meaning of the statement. It’s even better when thousands of people will read the mistake. Here are a few examples of actual printed classified ads.

"Illiterate? Write today for free help."
(If you cannot read this advertisement, we can teach you)

"And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience."
(Drive miles for a parking space. Wait for hours in checkout lines. You won’t find a more inconvenient store anywhere)

"Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops."
(Bottomless bikinis… I guess that would be exciting)

"Great Dames for sale."
(It’s amazing how one little letter means the difference between selling large dogs and selling loose women)

"2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess."
(This breed is prized for its messiness)

"Amana washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed."
(He’s surprisingly clean… for a man who never bathes)

"Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel."
(With a large enough blast you could travel quite a distance)

"No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent."
(Available in Rotting Fish or Smelly Garbage scent)

"Lost Cocktail."
(We went out drinking last night and when I woke up, the cocktail was gone)

"Free Yorkshire Terrier. 8 yeards old. Hateful little dog."
(Will pay you to take him. Please abuse)

"German Shepherd 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free."
(This dog belongs in a circus)

"Free ducks. You catch."
(There’s the ducks… go get em)

"1 man, 7 woman hot tub -- $850/offer"
(You can really only fit 1 man in a hot tub. They just don’t feel comfortable in there with other men)

"Snow blower for sale...only used on snowy days."
(Why didn’t you use it on warm sunny days?)

"2 wire mesh butchering gloves: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair: $15"
(Ask for the three-fingered guy)

"For sale: Lee Majors (6 Million Dollar Man) - $50"
(6 million dollar value, buy now and save $5,999,950)