Reality Check

Accident Reports: Part 2

             This is the second installment of the accident reports. It never ceases to amaze me what people come up with to explain away any responsibility for an accident. Sometimes a little proofreading can go a long way to keep you from embarrassing yourself.

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."
(It was totally stationary…and moving fast)

"The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end."
(Yet another case of rapidly moving stationary objects. It must not have been built to code)

"As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident."
(To boldly appear where no stop sign has ever appeared before… Must be one of those ghost signs I keep hearing about.)

"The accident happened when the right door of a car came around the corner without giving a signal."
(So who was driving this door?)

"I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
(Wild cars have been known to throw their riders at times. Thank goodness for the rescue cows)

"My wench slipped, losing my balance, and I hurt my back."
(Wenches are known to be slippery and cause back problems. Use extreme caution)

 "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprung up, obscuring my vision."
(Hedges have been known to be overly excitable at times)

 "I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."
(Rear end trouble is becoming more and more prevalent in middle aged men)

 "I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."
(Way to go, teach those old people to make us all wait)

 "I was unable to stop in time, and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries."
(There’s nothing like a good vacation to make you feel better about your injuries)

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian."
(Good thinking. People can be replaced but bumpers are expensive)

"The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle."
(Well that will stop the skid, but most people prefer to use their brakes)

"When I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."
(That’s the way to go. It’s inevitable so you may as well just go with it)

"My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."
(How do you explain to your insurance company that you were hit by a parked car? And legally parked nonetheless)