Reality Check

 WARNING: Labels Part 3

 This is the third installment of warning labels that just don’t quite work. I often wonder if these labels exist simply because those writing them don't really think about what they are saying, or if the company posted the label in response to an actual accident. Either way, it's better to be paranoid than sorry in the warning label business.

Posted on a Boeing 757:
“Fragile. Do not drop."
(If you’re going to lift a large airliner, you had better be careful with it)

On a sign at a railroad station:
"Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted."
(Killed AND Prosecuted? That seems a bit harsh. Well, at least you won’t be killed and executed)

On a hospital's outside access door:
"This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am."
(It starts to relax at around 7:30 when the coffee kicks in)

On a box of rat poison:
"Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice."
(Don’t use this rat poison unless you want to kill rats. But hey, if the poison doesn’t get them, perhaps the cancer will)

On a pack of Breath Savers:
"Not for weight control."
(The all new breath mint diet featuring delicious meals such as the mint smoothie, mint paste, mint soup, and mint pudding)

On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia:
"Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator."
(Whatever you do, do not put them in the hot section of the refrigerator)

On the packaging of a sharpening stone:
"Warning: knives are sharp!"
(We need to raise awareness of knife sharpness)

On the label of a bottled drink:
"Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth."
(For those who don’t understand the concept of a twist off top)

On a milk crate:
"Theft of this container is a crime."
(Notice, theft of the milk inside is perfectly legal)

On a portable stroller:
"Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage."
(What about those collapsible babies?)

On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels:
"Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes."
(Be sure to wear eye protection and shin guards when using this product)

On the dash board of a mail truck:
"Look before driving."
(If only they taught me that in my driver’s ed class)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But it saves so much time)

On children's cough medicine:
"Do not drive car or operate machinery."
(Darn right. Kids shouldn’t drive cars or operate machinery)

On a string of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(Only use them for anything)

On a child sized Superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(So all those cartoons were LIES!)