Reality Check

  WARNING: Labels Part 1

 We have all heard the story of the 81-year-old woman who spilled her McDonald's HOT coffee on her lap and found out that it was indeed HOT. While the fast food chain was in fact just living up to its advertising, the court awarded her $2.9 million. This ruling opened the eyes of the general public as to just how dangerous stupid people can be with the right jury in place. This sparked a wave of over-cautious warning labels to protect people from their own stupidity, and more so to protect manufacturers from liability to stupid people.

 This is just a small sampling of the many ridiculous warning labels I have fished up. These are real warning labels printed on real products by real people who are actually paid to write them.

 * Printed in an information booklet:
"Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet."

 * On the cooking sleeve of a “HOT Pocket”:
“WARNING: Contents HOT when heated.”

 * On a can of self-defense pepper spray:
"May irritate eyes."

 * On a hair dryer:
"Do not use in shower." and also “Do not use while sleeping."

 * On a curling iron:
"For external use only!" and also "Warning: This product can burn eyes."

 * On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard:
"Do not drive with sunshield in place."

 * On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow:
"Not intended for highway use."

 * On a bottle of shampoo for dogs:
"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish."

 * On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter:
"Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks."

 * On a toilet at a public sports facility:
"Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking."

 * On the case of a chocolate CD from a gift basket:
"Do not place this product into any electronic equipment."

 * On a pair of shin guards for cyclists:
"Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover."

 * On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn:
"Caution: This is not a safety protective device."

 * On a battery:
"Battery may explore or leak."

 * On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.
"Do not eat toner."

 * On a Holmes bathroom heater:
"This product is not to be used in bathrooms."

 * On a container of underarm deodorant:
"Caution: Do not spray in eyes."