Wow. Last week’s weird ID theft news was all about the Boob Bandit. This week it’s Sheila Rodgers Cudgel, The Rhinoplasty Robber.

Cudgel, a Houston resident, acquired her victim’s personal information and used it to open new credit accounts, racking up almost $40,000 in charges, including the nose job that cost $10,500.

What is up will these identity thieves and their body modifications? I can understand their desire for new goodies like electronics and cars, but have no sympathy for those who steal another’s identity to pay for them. I can even (sort of) sympathize with people who commit identity theft because they have no other means of providing shelter, utilities or food for their families.

But to commit identity theft for something as unnecessary and vain as bigger boobs, narrower butt or a smaller nose? That’s just wrong, wrong, wrong, and the losers who commit these crimes get no compassion from me. In fact, if I were the one doling out their punishment, I’d sentence these criminals to the restoration of body fat, the repossession of implants and the restructuring of a plentiful proboscis.

(Full disclosure notice: It might be that the magnitude my own malice stems from my own vain desire for liposuction and jowl eradication.)

Crime Stoppers has offered a $5,000 reward for any information leading to Cudgel’s arrest and conviction.