Man, I hated theme parks when I was little. I still hate them now, although I do enjoy the roller coasters. I just don't understand how seeing someone in a Wiley E. Coyote costume is to somehow enhance any experience of my life. Even when I was little I was able to put two and two together to realize it was just some pedophile in a costume. The only theme park we had even remotely close to my house was Six Flags Great America: Chicago (or whatever the stupid theme park was called). I remembered I was dating this girl named Meghan and I was a total wimp. I was scared of the roller coasters that went upside-down so I concoted this story that when I was in middle school a friend of mine had fallen out (screw you physics!) and ergo I refused to go the ones that went upside-down. She seemed to believe it and I happily went on the normal ones with her. I can't remember when I stopped use the Theme Park Lie (herein TPL) but it was probably longer than I care to remember. If it's any consolation, and I know it's not, I'll happily go on any roller coaster now, Wiley E. Coyote theme park or not. And I know I won't fall out.