It’s not your life … it’s how you choose to look at your life.

It’s pretty amazing what a little change in perspective can do. It’s really amazing what the power of thought can do. These are principles I’ve known for quite some time now, but it was only until recently that I had the opportunity to truly study them and learn to use them in my day to day life.

I’ve been a fan of the band Sister Hazel for quite some time now, and I make no secret about how their music and the community of Sister Hazel fans – affectionately known as Hazelnuts – have had such an incredible influence in my life. One of Sister Hazel’s songs in particular that has been an inspirational beacon to not only myself but to so many others is ‘Change Your Mind’. It’s a song about perspective. It’s a song about point of view. It’s a song about letting go of all the noise that tends to make blurry our priorities and finding clarity in the simplicity of taking a new and different look at our lives.

“Did you ever think there might be another way to just feel better, just feel better about today?”

Over the course of the last several years, Sister Hazel frontman Ken Block, in collaboration with his wife Tracy and his friends at 4th Street Training, Dave Neal and Ray White, has developed a workshop for personal betterment that is centered on the principles of ‘Change Your Mind’. I recently had the privilege of participating in the pilot program for this workshop, and to say it was life-changing would be an understatement.

I’ve always considered myself a very fortunate individual with a personal history void of major hurdles, trauma and catastrophic events. I am very blessed and my life, for the most part, has always been in what I would consider a good place. I did not go into the workshop feeling lost or confused or seeking some higher form of enlightenment. Quite the contrary. I was bursting with excitement and anticipation knowing how much the song has meant to me and so many others, and eager to see how the workshop would be built around the concept of positive thinking. To put it simply, my expectations were met and exceeded, and the whole experience was so positively overwhelming.

From the beginning, the workshop was an exploration into my priorities and core values; understanding what is truly important to me and how I can incorporate those values into my life journey. It was an exercise in aligning my goals and dreams with these core values, and making sure my thoughts and actions support both the short and long term vision of who I want to be and what I set out to accomplish. The workshop showed us how to dream big and then create a plan to realize these dreams. It was eye-opening, thought provoking and, most importantly, inspiring.

It was also very rewarding in many different levels. Having had the privilege of knowing Ken Block for several years, it was very cool to be able to see and appreciate the person he was during the workshop. Ken is well known for being an open, humble and approachable musician. I imagine whatever ego he has is something he displays behind closed doors. Still, during the workshop we got to see Ken Block, the man with the Master’s degree in counseling and the person who lives with a spirit of giving back and doing positive things for others. He was still his fun-loving and jovial self, but it was great to see him be also very deep and passionate as he addressed the group. Pair this with the focus and energy from his wife Tracy, the superb presentation and group management skills of Ray White, and the excellent ‘behind-the-scenes’ work of David Neal and Danny Thomas, the Change Your Mind workshop was an experience like no other.

The best part of CYM is that it does not stop once the workshop is over. The program is designed to be ongoing, with the community of CYM participants working together to support each other’s visions, and to continually make better the program as it grows and evolves over time. Whether you feel stuck in a rut or that life is good and on cruise control, the CYM workshop has something for everyone. It is a program I highly recommend. If you’re unsure about looking into the workshop, just remember that changing your life is as simple as changing your mind.

Please follow these links for more information on Sister Hazel, Ken Block (Facebook), 4th Street Training and the Change Your Mind workshop. You can find the CYM workshop on Twitter at @ExperimentCYM

I am going to begin this blog entry with a disclaimer. Yes, I am a fan of the Miami Heat. Yes, I was born and raised in Miami. Yes, although I currently reside in Tampa, my sports allegiance – with the exception of the Rays in the American League – resides in South Florida. I am an unapologetic Miami homer.

Now, with all that having been said, is there any more asinine and ridiculous column than the one written by Phil Taylor at SI.com about the Miami Heat? (see his full column here).

Mr. Taylor goes on to write, with what I can only hope is tongue-in-cheek disdain, about the new collaboration in South Florida sports: Dwyane Wade, LeBron James and Chris Bosh joining forces in Miami. He talks about loving gifted players who chase greatness, and thus this leads him to hate the Heat? Really? LeBron James making the choice to be a villain, making the choice to take less money, and making the choice to step out of his back-to-back, two-time MVP spotlight in pursuit of multiple championships is a bad thing?

See, this is a perfect example of the complete hypocrisy that exists in the world of sports journalism today. To be clear, I am not a journalist nor do I claim to be one. Still, I’ve been a sports fan and a student of sports media long enough to be able to speak about this matter with a certain, weekend-warrior level of confidence.

We implore our celebrity athletes to be open and honest. We chastise them as greedy when they leave championship caliber organizations in pursuit of more money (see former 49’er Ricky Watters, former Cowboy Larry Brown and former Buccaneer Dexter Jackson). We hold them to higher moral standards than we do ourselves. Yet, when LeBron James makes the gut-wrenching decision of admitting he cannot, by himself, achieve the level of greatness he seeks, when he reveals a level of humility and vulnerability that is rarely, if ever, seen in an athlete of his stature, our first response is to vilify him. Admittedly, the delivery of the message was awful. ‘The Decision’, as aired by ESPN, was a nightmare, and the reception in Miami, a party which was indeed wretched and grossly premature, was embarrassing. However, the court-jester messenger should not take away from the message; that being what LeBron did in leaving Cleveland for less money, less spotlight and a ton of hatred is unprecedented in modern day sports.

Speaking of money, Mr. Taylor goes on his column to minimize the financial sacrifice the Miami Three have made in order to play together. “I hate that we have become so accustomed to the overwhelming greed of superstar athletes that when the Heat's threesome accepts roughly $110 million each when they could have had closer to $120 million, some people want to fit them for angels' wings,” he writes. Let’s analyze that for a moment. Mr. Taylor is suggesting – scoffing really – that $10 million dollars is nothing for these already wealthy, superstar athletes. When you look at the $10 million as a percentage of the total contract (9%), things aren’t quite so clear. I have no idea of how much Mr. Taylor earns yearly as a writer for SI, but I wonder if he would flippantly shrug and say “No big deal” if Sports Illustrated asked him to take a pay cut of 9%. That would be the equivalent of going from a $100k salary to that of $91k. I am hard pressed to find anyone I know in my circle of friends who would voluntarily take that type of pay decrease in pursuit of a passion or dream. It’s rare.

Mr. Taylor goes on to dismiss the idea that players coming together, collaborating as friends and sacrificing collectively in pursuit of greatness, as something to be celebrated. “If the NBA turns into a top-heavy league, I'll hate the Heat even more for starting the process.” What? Why doesn’t he instead direct that hate to Danny Ainge, the general manager of the Boston Celtics who made key moves to obtain Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen, establish the modern day NBA model of the ‘Big Three’, and subsequently win an NBA championship? Do you think Pat Riley would have been inclined to aggressively dump salary and clear cap space in Miami had it not been for the precedent set by the Celtics?

Furthermore, Mr. Taylor indirectly bashes D-Wade, LeBron and Bosh for wanting to play together. My counter argument is this. With the exception of Peter King, why does anyone still read Sports Illustrated? Steve Rushin is gone. Rick Reilly is gone. Sports Illustrated as a media entity has slipped. Does Mr. Taylor mean to suggest that if Rick Reilly were to call him up and offer him the opportunity to write columns for the pages of ESPN the Magazine, in collaboration with Reilly and Steve Rushin, he would turn down the offer and cite the argument of pursuing greatness on his own? Seriously, any national sports writer who has less Twitter followers than I do (and I’m a nobody) is not going to achieve greatness on his own.

Finally, we get to the point where Phil Taylor starts to make some sense. He describes Miami as a city full of front-runner loving, bandwagon jumping, hype-engulfing fans. Mr. Taylor, tell me something I don’t know. Have you BEEN to Miami? That city redefines vanity. The only thing shallower than water in a puddle is the general approach to sports fandom in South Florida. Much in the same way men on South Beach pay a gross amount of attention to women with cinnamon tans and implants, all the while ignoring women who tend to not be surgically enhanced, Miami fans will love a team when it’s winning and not give that same team the time of day when it’s losing. That’s Miami. If you don’t have the bling, the glitz and the glamour, don’t bother. LeBron, DWade and Chrish Bosh ARE the bling, the glitz and the glamour. Of course all Heat fans are going to be infatuated with that. It’s what we do best.

Mr. Taylor, I know I was rough on you with my blog. For that I apologize. Still, hate the Miami Heat all you want because I am going to love, love, love reading what you have to say next summer when the ‘Three My-Egos’ (as you put it) are celebrating their first NBA title.

Our music has become digital, our communities virtual, and all too often our truest of priorities get pushed to the peripheral. Still, there are moments in time when we can come together as one, a group of people in the actual, and listen to some of our favorite artists while at the same time doing something good and giving back to those in need.

Rock by the Sea is one of those moments in time. From April 15 – 18, Harry A's on St. George Island, Florida, will host this annual music festival that is dedicated to not only the celebration of music, but also the assistance of worthy charities. In addition to being an event full of performers, entertainment and sunshine that delivers an excess of fun to be had by all, Rock by the Sea is an extended weekend that focuses on hope. It is a reminder of how the power of giving can be exponential, growing from the first contribution and feeding on the generosity of many.

Speaking of exponential, there is an added twist this year to the normal abundance of smiles and camaraderie exuded by the RBTS faithful. With the introduction of FourSquare Day on April 16, Harry A's will be also be home to an official FourSquare Swarm Party at which participants will be able to 'check in' and collectively earn the coveted 'Swarm' badge. Individuals will even be able to register for FourSquare at the venue so as to take part in the festivities.

Please visit the Rock by the Sea website for more information about the event. In addition, we invite you to learn more about some of the charities that are the beneficiaries of RBTS's hard work and generosity. Those charities include:

• The UF Pediatric Brain Tumor Program
• Lyrics for Life
• Franklin County Humane Society

Finally, please follow these links if you're interested in learning more about FourSquare and FourSquare Day, or you can send an email with any question you may have about 4Square Day at Rock by the Sea.

Five Mistakes Writers Make, by D.B. Grady

My sincerest thanks to Gil for hosting the penultimate day of the Red Planet Noir virtual book tour. This post was scheduled to be written for April 1st -- April Fools Day -- but I'm late on the draw. For full effect, have Sherman set the Wayback Machine for yesterday, because Gil cleverly suggested a themed post on the foolish mistakes we make as writers. As I have made them all, this presented little difficulty.

Based on observation and experience, below are five common mistakes writers make:

1. Don't read enough

I'm a member of a lot of writing groups, I know a lot of aspiring authors, and I've been writing for a long time. It's a time consuming process in a world whose axis seems to be spinning at an increasingly-frenzied pace. Finding two hours to spend behind a word processor is like trying to find oil with a divining rod. (And just as valuable.) Writers understand that something needs to be sacrificed, but nothing says NOT SERIOUS like a writer who says, "I just don't have time to read."

To maintain one's craft, reading is just as important as writing, if not more so. Stephen King describes reading as putting tools in the toolbox. Through the works of others, we learn as writers how literature works, and how to make it work for us. Speaking personally, I'm never quite sure if something I've written is good -- self-criticism is my specialty -- but I always know when something I've written is terrible. By reading voraciously, I know how my betters have done it, and I know when I fail to reach that mark. Those are the parts that I fix or delete. Obviously, taste is subjective -- I've had critics savage things I'm quite proud of -- but generally speaking, being well-read has never been a hinderance.

Looking for extra time to read? Turn off the giant picture box in the living room.

2. Don't write enough

Writing is hard. Except for freelancing, or once a publishing contract is signed, you are your own boss. And with that power comes the ability to give yourself the day off.

"Ah, the muse isn't with me today. I wonder what's on television?"

This power is like a drug. Once you give in to temptation -- once you close Microsoft Word and open Facebook, it's over. It's much easier the next day to do the same, and the day after that, and the day after that.

The only way to write a novel is to write every day. To quote Hemingway, "No matter what has happened the day or night before, get up and bite on the nail."

THERE IS NO MUSE. There is never a moment when 80,000 words will flow from your fingertips onto the page or into the word processor. The only way to get from "Once upon a time" to "And the lived happily ever after" is to write.

I operate under the assumption that must first draft will be terrible, anyway. And for good reason. My first draft is always terrible. But once it's complete, I've got that giant slab of marble to chisel away at.

John Grisham, I think, said it best, and every writer would be well-advised to tape this to his or her monitor: "Write a page a day or you're not serious."

It's the only way to move a book from your head to the real world.

3. Blog about our manuscripts instead of writing them

This is for unpublished writers. Stephen King can blog until his fingers bleed, because he's got something to say. But unless you've got a book on the shelves, you don't have advice to share. Certainly nothing of value. And except for mom, nobody cares how the manuscript is shaping up. Blogging is a fun warmup exercise -- review a book, discuss your dog -- but stay away from the manuscript. The most I'll say about my next book is that I'm writing one.

(Note: I'm sure somebody will find a counter-example, but that's the exception that proves the rule.)

4. Signing too early

This is a delicate point from my point-of-view, and certainly yours if you're staring at a contract.

Here's the deal: if you thing you've written a novel of literary merit worthy of serious consideration, don't immediately sign with the first publisher who says yes. Do your homework. Bill's Indie is lightyears away from Scribner. DO NOT SETTLE.

Once a writer starts the query process, he or she will quickly become inundated and brutalized by rejection letters. The terrible reality that a Twilight payday is not around the corner will become unbearable. So when that first "Yes" arrives in the mail, it's like being asked to the prom by the Homecoming Queen.

Unless that Homecoming Queen's name is Doubleday, think it over. Consider whether you can do better. (Note: Agents will do the thinking for you. This is for the lone wolves out there.) Once you settle for a small or independent press, you're locked in to a very small box. Award eligibility is rare. Reviews are hard to come by. Writing organizations aren't particularly interested. And shelf space at the Big Boxes is non-existent.

(Yes, there are exceptions. But again, they're just that -- exceptions.)

This might not matter to you. And if it doesn't, autograph that contract and slap a stamp on it. But if you've got lofty goals, wait it out. You might regret it. Or you might be the next J.K. Rowling.

5. Buying "How To Write A Book For Dummies"

There's an entire section of Barnes and Noble dedicated to the art of writing an novel. I'll save you some time and money: the only way to write a novel is to read a lot and to write a lot. You have to write 100,000 words before you can write 10,000 good ones. You have to read 1,000,000 words before you can even do that. All of the answers are in Steinbeck and Fitzgerald and Atwood and McCarthy and Chandler. You'll see them immediately.

--

D.B. Grady is the author of Red Planet Noir.
He can be found on the web at http://www.dbgrady.com.

Check out my guest blog at Alex Rodriguez Photography.

 Paul Shirley, a former NBA player, wrote an incredulous blog about the situation in Haiti. You can read his words here. The following is my response to his position on the situation in Haiti.

***********
Mr. Shirley,

The offensive and flat-out ignorant content of your blog aside, I write to you this evening out of sheer disbelief with the words you've chosen to share on your site. It is absolutely incredulous to me that you would publish such soulless, dismissive and apathetic sentiments toward a people that are suffering from the after-effects of a natural disaster. Not only do you make a juvenile attempt to present an argument from a perspective of hindsight, your myopic view of the world outside the fantasy bubble in which you live is wholly laughable and, quite frankly, upsetting.

In your blog, you blame the Haitian people for their own misfortune. You question how they allowed themselves to get to the point of living in abject poverty to begin with. You debate the usefulness of donating money and rebuilding an island nation that will likely suffer another natural disaster in the future. You cite a woman who is crying out for help, not sure who is responsible to provide the help, but obviously hoping for any form of assistance in her time of crisis and obvious grief. Your response to her is a flippant, “I don’t know whose responsibility it is, either. What I do know is that it is not the responsibility of the outside world to provide help.”

Wow.

It’s rare that such heartless discussion is made available for public consumption. It’s hard to believe that you actually chose to publish those words and reveal your apparent lack of decency and humanity. For someone who’s been given the gift of athleticism and has earned more money in one month than most people earn in one year, your lack of compassion and humility as a citizen of this planet is horrifying.

What’s truly astonishing is you were born in Redwood City, California, which is a suburb of San Francisco. Applying your less-than-sophomoric logic to your home town, why should there continue to be a sprawling metropolis sitting on top of a fault line in California? Why should the victims of the Embarcadero Freeway collapse during the earthquake of 1989 been tended to or rescued? Surely they knew better than to drive on a freeway in a city susceptible to earthquakes! I could go on and on, but it’s obvious to anyone with any form of common sense – or a human heart for that matter – that such backward thinking logic is completely moronic.

And that is what your blog is; 1900 words of moronic gibberish. I will also tell you what it’s not. It’s not the work of a decent and honest human being. It’s not the opinion of someone who is grateful of their current situation and blessings, and who understands it was sheer luck he was born to a family in Redwood City, California and not to one in Port-au-Prince, Haiti. Your blog could be described as having been written by a monster or an agent of evil. Rather, I think the appropriate word is coward.

“I would like to help, but only if I feel that my assistance is deserved and justified.” Those are your words, and I still fail to understand what part of 150,000 deaths* is undeserving and not justified of your help. I simply hope you never find yourself the victim of an accident or natural disaster whereby your survival depends on the intervention of others. At that moment, would you really want the thoughts of the person able to save your life to be, “Is my assistance deserved and justified?” Based on the words in your blog, you have a long way to go before you even come close to meeting that requirement.


*source Australian Broadcasting Corporation

Turkey Day is upon us and I sit here reflecting on what I feel has been one of the best years of my life.  I am purposefully restricting myself as I write this because the list of people to which and for which I am thankful is so long, if left unchecked this blog can easily go 10k words long.

As I look through my calendar for the year, I see it is chock full of events and moments that continue to fill my life with smiles and beautiful memories.  It is also a reminder of everything for which I am thankful and why I feel so incredibly blessed. I mentally recapped these events, and I cannot properly describe how special each moment was and how alive each memory continues to be.  To say I am surrounded by people I love is a gross understatement.  In addition to my biological family, I hold dearly the relationships that transcend the normal boundaries of friendship and create bonds of family as strong as those I have with my relatives.

I am thankful for the creative opportunities that were presented to me this year, and for the world of support I’ve received as I tackled these new endeavors.  (Thanks, JT)

I am thankful for a renewed sense of spiritual direction.  My faith and belief in God has never wavered, but my feeling of belonging and sense of community was dead and gone.  I found that again this year, and I am so thrilled I get to share it with such a supportive community of people. (Thanks, Kurt)

I continue to be thankful for my beautiful children who are such a blessing and terrifically great kids.  They may be hard to handle from time to time, but that is really the rare exception to the rule.

I am thankful to my mother and my new mother-in-law.  They continue to provide me with guidance and unwavering support in all I do, and I am so fortunate to have what is, in essence, a never ending source of love.

Most importantly, I am thankful for Lee, my saving grace, biggest fan, best friend and, I am proud to say, my wife.  We both traveled broken roads to find each other, and in coming together as one, we’ve created something special and magical that will forever be greater than the two of us.  It’s with eager anticipation that I look forward to the rest of my life with Lee.  It is a life I will not spend with her, but rather share with her.

I keep replaying the events of this past year and there are so many individuals that come to mind who shared in the various moments.  I want you to know how thankful and appreciative I am for your friendship, love and support.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Finally, I say a prayer for the many individuals who will be alone this Thanksgiving Day.  I feel for them and their loneliness, and I pray they find some solace on a day that is meant to be spent surrounded by those you love.  I pray God’s grace gives them the strength to endure and reminds them that even they may feel all alone, they really never are.

 This year's college football season kicked off with one. New Mexico women's soccer produced another. We see it all too often on SportsCenter, be it from the NCAA, NFL, NBA of MLB. The generic apology. The modern day athlete's get out of PR jail free card.

It's almost as if every media relations person for any given team or athletic program reads from the same manual. A player on your squad does something stupid? Have them issue a first-person mea culpa with the following baseline structure: "I (sincerely / whole-heartedly) regret my actions. I (lost my cool / got caught up in the heat of the moment / let my emotions get the best of me), and I apologize to (victim, fans, teammates, organization) for my behavior."

Even apologies from the coaches appear to be scripted. The remarks usually center on how that behavior is not condoned by the team, how the player is a good person who made a mistake, and how the situation will be addressed directly with the individual, usually internally. For once I would like to see a coach or manager come out and say, "That was stupid and reckless and I don't want that player on my team. We don't need fools like that on the field hurting others and impacting our ability to win."

Instead, we get cookie-cutter responses that come wrapped in a bright yellow box. It's the same apology and statement you heard last time and will hear again, probably sometime next week.

To be fair, in the cases of Oregon football and New Mexico soccer, the respective schools reacted firmly and decisively. Oregon's LaGarrette Blount was kicked off the team for punching a Boise State football player following a loss at the beginning of the season. New Mexico's Elizabeth Lambert was suspended indefinitely for her violent actions against BYU. In contrast, University of Florida's Urban Meyer gave player Brandon Spikes only a half game suspension after he purposefully and deliberately attempted to gouge the eyes of Georgia's Waushaun Ealey. Spikes imposed on himself a full game suspension, a move I doubt he would have chosen to make had their upcoming opponent been Alabama rather than Vanderbilt.

Still, the follow-up to all the 'regrettable' behavior is a statement made publicly by the players in question and their respective coaches. What is truly unfortunate is these individuals may indeed be sorry for their behavior. They may truly feel remorseful, as well as embarrassed, for how they acted and the results of those actions against another human being. Yet their feelings of contrition are painted over by the broad brush that results from us seeing this all too often, as is the case with this blog.

There is no solution for this problem. Individual players will continue to make individual mistakes. They, in turn, will issue yet another generic apology that will cause us to roll our eyes and think, "Yeah, whatever." That is what's truly regrettable.

Winston Groom, author of the novel ‘Forrest Gump’, introduced us all to the line of “Stupid Is as Stupid Does”.  This line may mean different things to different people, but it clearly speaks to the identification of stupid actions.  This is not to say that someone who performs a stupid act is therefore a stupid person.  Brilliant people make mistakes, stupid mistakes, all the time, and our only hope is that individuals will learn from that particular event and not repeat the stupidity in the future.

The story of Forrest Gump also allowed us to take a look at racism and the historical impact it had on our American culture.  The character created by Winston Groom was immersed in real racial events, from school segregation to the KKK to the Black Panthers, and it was those events from the sixties and seventies that help mold the era of political correctness in which we live today.

Bob Griese was recently suspended by ESPN for one game for comments he made in the telecast of the Minnesota-Ohio State game.  ESPN was promoting ABC’s coverage (both networks are owned by Disney and often times cross-promote each other’s programming) of the upcoming NASCAR Sprint Cup race in Martinsville.  A graphic was shown listing the top five racers of this year’s Sprint Cup chase.   Fellow analyst Chris Spielman inquired as to the why NASCAR driver Juan Pablo Montoya was not listed, to which Griese quipped, “he’s out having a taco.”

Griese apologized for the comment following the game and then again during ESPN’s College Gameday Scoreboard show later that evening.  Various media outlets, mostly blog sites, have ruled Griese’s comments as racist.  ESPN’s decision to suspend Griese for a game can be considered as a necessity so as to show proper disciplinary action towards Griese and avoid any potential racial fallout as a result.

I agree with ESPN’s decision to suspend Griese.   Not because his comments were racist – they weren’t and they were clearly meant in jest – but because they were stupid.  When you’re an on-air personality and you don’t have the presence of mind to refrain from a comment involving race, you deserve to be suspended. 

Griese is a Hall of Fame quarterback and is viewed in the context of NFL history as one of the smartest players to play that position.  He’s the “Thinking Man’s” quarterback, and when you think about all-time, smartest QB’s to have played in the NFL, his name is definitely in the conversation.  That’s what makes Griese’s comments during the broadcast so incredulous.  He knows better.  Forget the comical error whereby Montaya is Colombian and not Mexican as the ‘taco’ comment would imply.  That’s Bob Griese having a blonde moment.  The real stupidity lies in Griese thinking it’s okay to joke about anything racial on national television. 

We live in an age where political correctness rules all.  The only way you’re allowed to joke about race is if you’re making fun of the minority group to which you belong.  I am Hispanic of Mexican and Cuban descent, and I can joke all I want about stealing the rims off your car or being proficient at building makeshift rafts.  However, I won’t dare joke in public about African-Americans, Asians or any other minority groups; and I’m not even a public figure.

Griese and all sports broadcasters who are hired to do a job of providing analysis and insight to a game or particular matchup need to steer clear of any and all racial pitfalls. Regardless of how funny they think a comment may be, there will always be some watchdog group ready to pounce and make a mountain out of a mole hill comment.  Griese’s gaffe was not racially insensitive.  Rather, it was simply stupid.  Forrest Gump was on to something.   Let’s hope Griese remembers that going forward.

Read Dan LeBatard's column on the same topic.

 

“No hay mal que por bien no venga.”  That’s one of my mom’s favorite phrases.  Translated, it means: There is no bad from which good does not come. Now, regardless of how much it sounds like a Yoda quote, I feel it does hold true.  The phrase we most commonly use is “Everything happens for a reason”. It’s a phrase that makes us feel better about a bad situation and has us seeking the proverbial silver lining in the cloud.  I believe in it whole-heartedly, but I do feel it’s often overused.   Today, I’ve been over-using that phrase in my heads for hours.

Lee and I have been trying to buy a house, quite literally, all year.  Our process began back in January when we decided to take a stab on a house that is exactly six doors down from the home we’re currently renting.  It’s a gorgeous house with a three-car garage, open foyer area, wall-to-wall tile in the first floor, and a pool with a hot tub.  It’s almost too perfect.  The house was available as a short sale and we knew the process could be time consuming.  The principle lien holder accepted our offer and I thought we were all set.  Then the secondary lien holder wanted an adjustment to their payout amount.  The first lien holder agreed to the adjustment, the paperwork went back to be redone, and then the whole thing just died on the vine.   After six weeks of ‘WTF?’ waiting, Lee and I decided to walk and look at buying a house the old-fashioned way.  What makes it more frustrating is that lien holder one and lien holder two have since merged and are now the same bank.  Thank you for that, WaMu and Chase!

We asked our Realtor to pull some listings and found two great houses we loved.  The first one got an A+ ranking.  The second house received an A++.  We weren’t even done seeing the second home when we turned to our Realtor and said, “This is the house.  Let’s do it.  This is the house we want.”  We were giddy like kids on Christmas Eve.  The excitement was palpable and we were already envisioning filling our home with friends and family for parties, get-togethers and cookouts.  Thirty minutes later our Realtor called.  Turns out the listing agent for the A++ house is also the owner and he’d just bought the house and was trying to flip it.  Well, that’s fine and dandy, except for the fact we were approved for an FHA loan and you can’t use an FHA loan to buy a house that was purchased by someone else in the previous ninety days.  Thanks for that, non-full-disclosure listing agent and government regulations!

We took in a deep breath and exhaled.

The good news was we still had the A+ house available, and we decided to make an offer on that one.  A good friend of mine who is a home builder came out and did the inspection and said the house was basically flawless.  We had our bank work up a new Good Faith Estimate for the property, and the sellers both accepted our offer and agreed to contribute money towards closing costs.  The home appraisal came back slightly above the selling price, the bank underwriter formally approved our mortgage, and we were all set. Excellent!

Then came word our lender decided to run a corollary review of the houses in the same neighborhood and some houses sold for far less than the asking price of the house we were purchasing.  Our lender decided to have a second appraisal performed and that one came in at $15k less than the first.  The inability for both us and the sellers to make up this gap, not to mention mutual level of frustration directed at our lender, killed the deal.  I can go on for pages on how I feel about the tactic employed by my lender, but I will spare you the rant.  All I will say is; Thank you for that, SunTrust!

So here we are, back at square one, with no new home and our same month-to-month lease.  Lee and I have decided to take a breather from the whole house purchase thing, regroup, and give it a go again early next year.  I am, however, surprisingly not as upset or disappointed as I thought I would be.  Yes, I was livid at first and I know I definitely burned bridges with the mortgage agent at SunTrust who was helping us (I basically killed the messenger, but I did so in a classically and poetically written flaming email, so I don’t feel too bad about it).  Still, I know there are worse things in life, and fretting over a house – or should I say houses – that never was is not tops on my priority list.

I know I will chalk this up as a learning experience, and I will be more confident as a consumer when we try this again next year.  I look at the ups and downs of this roller coaster ride and I smile because I think about the many friends who lent an ear or gave their advice and guidance through the process.  I am once again reminded of my beautiful circle for family and friends, and what a blessing it is to have them.  I remind myself to put this all into perspective.  There are thousands of individuals who will go to bed tonight on the streets because they have no home, rented, owned or otherwise.  My children have a roof over their heads, my wife and I have a roof over our heads, and we’re very comfortable – and blessed – with all we have.

To be upset about our house deal falling through today would be silly.  After all, everything happens for a reason.

 This time a month ago I was still recovering from the nausea brought on by a Cohiba cigar and the amount of money my fiancé paid to have her hair braided. We had just spent a day in Nassau and we were back on the Carnival Destiny, still giddy to be on our third Rock Boat with so much more music to be heard and fun to be had.

It’s been a month since we set sail from Miami, poised to spend a week full of concerts, cold drinks and late night buffets. What nauseates me now is the thought of having to wait eleven more months to experience The Rock Boat all over again. To steal a quote from my friend Jill, “From the outside looking in you cannot understand it. From the inside looking out you cannot explain it.” That being said, I will take a stab at trying to explain what The Rock Boat means to me and why it’s one of the greatest vacations you’ll barely remember.

First of all, it’s not just a cruise. Yes, it takes place on a cruise ship. Yes, you set sail and there are ports of call. This, however, is almost secondary to what is, in essence, a 5 day music festival. I think most Rock Boaters would agree that even if the ship never left port, it would still one of the best experiences ever. There is the rush of seeing your favorite band or performer live for the umpteenth time. There is the thrill of discovering an artist you’ve never heard before and fall in love with their music. There are the heart opening moments of hearing the stories behind the lyrics and getting a glimpse at the real lives of people whose voices come out of your speakers at home. And that’s just the music part.

For me, the greatest part of The Rock Boat is getting to share and celebrate that experience with literally hundreds of friends and acquaintances. The first day on The Boat is like a family reunion, seeing faces you haven’t seen in a while, most of them since the previous year’s Boat. Each passing day is filled with encounters that can last an hour or last a lifetime. Strangers become neighbors and moments become bonds. There is a sense of belonging and a feeling of camaraderie that unifies all passengers into one small, floating nation of music worshiping crazies.

There is also, of course, the booze. Now, I don’t want to paint the picture of all Rock Boaters as being a gang of individuals on hiatus from AA, but I think that description definitely puts the image within the neighborhood of reality. On TRB VIII, which sailed in January 2008, Rock Boaters broke – or shall I correctly say shattered? – Carnival’s single-day record for alcohol sales. Perhaps the best way to describe it is insane. Personally, it takes me about 2 months to have my liver recuperate from The Boat. This happens to coincide almost perfectly with St. Patty’s Day, but that’s neither here nor there.

I honestly believe the only way to truly understand and appreciate The Rock Boat is to experience it firsthand, and I can tell you without an equivocation it is a first rate experience. From the Sixthman staff (Sixthman puts on TRB every year), to the Carnival crew, to the many smiling and joyous faces you will see everywhere you turn, The Rock Boat truly is an incredible experience. So as I sit here staring at my calendar in not-so-patient anticipation for next year’s Boat, I hope you consider making your face one of the many joyous ones I will see onboard.

 
 Check out The Rock Boat.

As we watch this college football bowl season come to a close, we prepare ourselves for the continued debate that is sure to follow.  Thanks to Utah’s recent thumping of Alabama in the Sugar Bowl and the still memorable defeat of Oklahoma in the 2007 Fiesta Bowl at the hands of Boise State, the discussion for greater inclusion of non-BCS teams has grown hotter than ever.   I am still appalled by college football elitists that cling to the notion that schools without tradition don’t deserve a shot at the title.

As a fan of the ACC, there is no doubt in my mind this year’s Utah squad would have reined Supreme in that conference.  Can you honestly name a team in all of the ACC, Big East or PAC 10 – with the exception of USC – that would be favored today in a game against Utah?  Heck, Florida versus Utah on a neutral field would see the Gators favored by perhaps no more than 3 points, and that’s only because Florida possesses more raw talent.

It’s time for a change in college football.  No, not a playoff system.  I happen to agree with the notion the entire season is itself a playoff system.  Otherwise, Southern Cal would or Texas would be in the BCS title game (and we’ll leave Florida and Oklahoma’s respective 1-losses to the side for now).  What we need is a return to the old with a step forward to the future. 

I need to first begin by clarifying my proposed BCS overhaul is not an original idea of mine.  Rather it’s a hodgepodge of ideas and arguments that I’ve heard over the years and again, most recently, in the last couple of weeks as the discussion about college football rages on.  Yes, some nuances are uniquely my own, but overall it’s really just a summary of a concept I think can lay the foundation to a system that will give us all what we want; an undisputed national champion.

The first step is to level the playing field.  This means that ALL conference must play a conference championship.  Either the NCAA drops their incredibly ridiculous requirement of 12 teams in a conference in order to have a conference game or we make the existing ‘smaller’ conferences bigger.   Move Utah and Boise State, two consistent programs in the past 5 years (49-14 and 55-9, respectively), into the now PAC 12.  Force Notre Dame to stop living in the past, drop their NBC contract and join the Big 10.  No need to rename the conference given that A) there already exists a Big 12 Conference and B) they’ve lived with the name and 11 teams for 18 years.  The Big East could fold in several respectable teams from both the MAC and C-USA and perhaps change their name to the Big Least.

The next step is to eliminate pre-season rankings.  Nothing does more to stack the deck for or against a team like pre-season rankings.  This is where the notion of tradition and big names really comes into play.  Writers give credit to teams with a large amount of returning starters or highly rated freshman classes.  In the end, it’s all a guessing game.  Where would Utah have played had they started the season ranked in the top 10 as opposed to unranked in both the Coaches and AP poll?  Here are some teams ranked ahead of the Utes in early September: Clemson, Kansas, BYU, Illinois, Tennessee and USF.  I say hold off on rankings until after week 5 of the college football season.

All BCS teams would have to play at least 3 non-conference games against other BCS schools.  The conference versus conference schedules would be rotated, much in the same manner the NFL does with it’s inter-conference scheduling, and BCS teams would not be allowed to schedule tune-up games against the likes of East Tennessee State or Tulane (please note the self deprecation in that comment). 

The winner of each of the BCS conferences (Big Least, Big Ten, Big XII, ACC, SEC and PAC 12) would earn an automatic bid with the remaining two spots awarded as at-large berths.  In the event three teams from the same conference finish with a better record and ranked higher than the champion from another conference (as we saw in this year's Big XII), the bowl committee would have the choice to select the higher ranked team for their respective game.  It’s also important that each BCS conference use the same formula for determining a champion (once again see this year's Big XII). 

Finally, move all the BCS bowl games back to January 1.  Yes, I know this presents a TV scheduling fiasco.  I also admit that every several years you will have a major conflict with the NFL.   Nevertheless, all four BCS bowls would be played on one, colossal judgment day.  Then, two of the four winners would be selected to play the following week in a ‘Plus One’ championship game.  The two teams selected would be determined using a complex formula which includes the AP and Coaches poll, strength of schedule, margin of victory in their bowl game, and fan factor.  That’s right, fan factor.  Borrowing from the insanely popular American Idol, a component of what determines the participants in my Plus One national championship would be fan voting.   I can see it already.  “Text G8RLVR to 4567 to see your Florida Gators in the title game.”  On thing is for certain: the TV networks and wireless service providers would be all over this idea!

I admit my idea is flawed at so many levels but you have to admit, it'a a lot better than the BCS we have today.  

 2008 came and went and it was time for me to usher in the New Year with a traditional hangover and an all-too-early wake up call.  You’d think I’d have the common sense to either not push the limit of New Years Eve festivities or not plan to attend the first New Year’s Day bowl game – with an 11:00 AM kickoff, no less – but I think you will soon come to find that I am not necessarily a sensible person.

That position, however, does not hold true when it comes to fashion sense at sporting games.  As an avid sports fan, I’ve attended my fair share of sporting events and have seen my vision go blurry from watching countless hours of sports on Saturdays and Sundays ….. and Mondays and the occasional Thursday night.  I have also made my fair share of comments regarding fans and what I deem an obvious violation of fan attire etiquette.

Although women have, since the beginning of time, cornered the market on fashion sensibility, I maintain that men have carved out a nice little niche when it comes to defining what is acceptable sports fan attire and what is the equivalent of a fashion personal foul.  So it absolutely blows my mind that I find the overwhelming and vast majority of offenders to the sports dress code to be guys.

For those of you scratching your head right now and wondering why you should continue reading, let me present to you an overview of the universal sports dress code.

The fundamental foundation for wearing team colors to a sporting event is you must wear colors for one of the two teams playing in that game.  If you’re going to a Cubs-Cardinals game, wear either Cubs or Cardinals gear.  That’s it, plain and simple.  Just because you’re going to a baseball game does not mean you get to wear your San Diego Padres throwback jersey, unless of course you’re actually going to see the San Diego Padres.

There are varying degrees to which you can violate this rule, and these degrees are analogous to penalties in football.  A 5 yard penalty is not as offensive as a 10 yard penalty and so on.  

The following faux pas are still in violation of the code, but in the grand scheme of things not that big a deal:

•    Wearing colors of another team within the same sport.  An example is the guy who wears his New England Patriots jersey to a Jets-Dolphins game.  He’s not there to support either of the two teams playing, but rather to boast the dynastic superiority his team has had over the two others in the last decade.   This is also tolerated when you’re attending a game in person but will be attending a viewing party for your team later (as is usually the case with New Years Day bowls, etc.)

•    Wearing a non-active player jersey.  This is when someone gets the team colors correct, but doesn’t realize the player whose jersey he’s wearing hasn’t played for that team in 5 years.  This leads to a subset of the fundamental rule that dictates once a player from your team either retires or is traded, you can no longer wear that player’s jersey in public.  Bite the bullet and go get a new one.  Official throwback jerseys do create a bit of a grey area, but the simple rule of thumb is if you cheered for a player as a grown adult, then it’s NOT a throwback jersey.

There are, however, more egregious violations of the code.

•    Wearing colors for a team from a different sport.  It’s wholly unacceptable to go to a New York Rangers game wearing a Yankees hat.  Leave it at home or get a new hat.  This rule also includes going to a college event with colors for the local pro team.  You can’t go watch the Temple Owls play hoops while sporting your Sixers gear.
 
•    Wearing colors for a team from a different city altogether.  Derived from the rule above, this is specific to the moron that wears a Minnesota Vikings jersey to a Duke basketball game or the guy who wears his FSU apparel to go watch the Braves.

The possible scenarios by which the sports dress code can be violated are virtually limitless, as is proved on an almost daily basis at venues all across our country.  I think it’s every sports dude’s responsibility to keep his buddies in check so as to not get flagged for wearing the wrong threads.  As for me, I need to go make room in my closet for my new Chad Pennington jersey …. right next to the Dan Marino, Jason Taylor and Zach Thomas jerseys I can no longer wear.