The Loris Bite

The Top Picks of Tiger's Sexts

2010-03-19T18:50:00Z

Okay, to start off I would like to say that I am not Tiger and just because I find some of these text messages absolutely hilarious doesn't mean that I don't find them a little bit repulsive. I mean they kind of make him sound like a psycho in my personal opinion, but then again maybe I'm just mild.

Deadspin.com was able to get ahold of all of the text messages that Tiger sent to one of many of his mistresses, Joslyn James. Feel free to check them all out here, but here are a couple of the ones for some reason, whether it be of the stunning level of intellect or the sheer crudeness, got a chortle out of me. Just promise me that you'll imagine Tiger saying all of these things.

13. Tiger:Sent: 06:02 PM 10/01/2009:

Baby im not going anywhere or doing anything. You please me like no other has or ever will. I'm not losing that. You have to understand people love to talk about me. sometimes its good and sometimes its bad. I have learned to just roll with it no matter how much it upsets me when its not true. My life is a fish bowl

12. Tiger:Sent: 12:08 PM 10/04/2009:

Don't F@#king talk to me. You almost just ruined my whole life. If my agent and these guys would have seen you there, ***

11. Tiger:Sent: 03:42 PM 09/08/2009:

Hurry so i come in that ass

10. Tiger:Sent: 05:26 PM 08/29/2009:

Next time i see you, you better beg and if you don't do it right i will slap, spank, bite and *** you till mercy

9. Tiger:Sent: 04:53 PM 08/29/2009:

I know you have tried every positing imaginable but what turns you on besides a dp

8. Tiger:Sent: 03:32 PM 08/29/2009:

I have no idea. I would love to have the ability to make you sore.

7. Tiger:Sent: 10:27 AM 08/20/2009:

I hope not. So you have been with others huh since

6. Tiger:Sent: 04:10 PM 08/29/2009:

Then im going to tell you to shut the F#%k up while i slap your face and pull your hair for making noise

5. Tiger:Sent: 04:21 PM 08/29/2009:

Where do you want to be bitten

4. Tiger:Sent: 04:24 PM 08/29/2009:

Ok. Now your talking. Whatever i want. You are mine

3. Tiger:Sent: 04:08 PM 08/29/2009:

Hold you down while i choke you and F%$k that ass that i own

2. Tiger:Sent: 04:06 PM 08/29/2009:

Slap your face. Treat you like a dirty little whore. Put my c#@k in your @$$ and then shove it down your throat

1. Tiger:Sent: 01:28 PM 09/08/2009:

Have you ever had a golden shower done to you

Cadet 227, Interesting Audio Only Game

2010-03-19T18:08:00Z

Game developer Alex Shen is working on an interesting new project called Cadet 227. He is creating a game that all will be able to play, including those that can't see the screen.

The game features no visuals at all, but implores the user to operate strictly on audio commands. There are some companies that offer games for the visually impared, but they expect you to purchase them. The great thing about Cadet 227 is that it will be free! Shen used kickstart to get the funding, and it's already met the goal. The game will be released as donationware, so people don't have to pay anything for the download. There is a developer's diary at www.alexandershen.com where progress and tribulations are available to give you the scoop on what's going on with it.

Cadet 227 Trailer from Alexander Shen on Vimeo.

The Gorillaz: Stylo Video.... Bruce Willis!?

2010-03-19T04:52:00Z

Though not a traditional "Roger Rabbit" type Gorillaz music video, you can't help but think that the cameo is awesome...

Gorillaz - Stylo from mario ucci on Vimeo.

The Gorillaz new album Plastic Beach is available for purchase now. There is also a special LP available on iTunes that has 2 extra tracks, and if you're a die hard fan ;) you can purchase the "Plastic Beach Experience" that comes with a documentary about the making of the album, a booklet, all the online content on the Gorillaz website, and access to a live stream TBA.

Mario Ucci's other work is really awesome. He's the CG guy. Colours by Hot Chip is a pretty cool video too.

Hot Chip: 'I Feel Better' directed by Peter Serafinowicz

2010-03-18T21:04:00Z

Hot Chip's new single "I Feel Better," off of their new album "One Life Stand", has an awesome music video directed by Peter Serafinowicz, the star of BBC's "The Peter Serafinowicz Show."

Serafinowicz is a comedian and actor, but resigned in January from his position at BBC since they refused to continue backing his show. He stated that he would probably reapply for a position at BBC, but was pretty vague about what he was going to be doing. I guess this is what he's doing, and if you ask me, he's doing a great job of it.

The video stars Ross Lee, from that superweird Ghoulies show on Nickelodeon.

I am happy about how these two seemingly random selections turned out to make such a good video. Check it out!

Sizing Up Sperm: Most Extreme Race

2010-03-17T14:48:00Z

It will probably never be publicly known who's magnificently bizarre idea this was for a television show, but National Geographic's "Sizing Up Sperm", a live-action interpretation of the struggle of sperm, is certainly a production of massive proportions.

The Sunday special aired first on March 14th, and will be next airing on March 21st. The show "scales up" the battle of the sperm to the egg to human scale, where each sperm is played by a human actor. The feature shows sperm running through valleys, fighting through tough squeezes, and battling their way through Leukocytes and other obstacles in order to reach the paramount of their existence, the egg.

The making of the show was definitely not cheap, implementing helicopter-mounted cameras, top of the line CGI, tons of actors, and commentary from well accredited scientists.

"Sperm" running through a valley

"Sperm" caught in the epididymus

The funding for this special must have come from somewhere, which means it must have been pitched by someone with great enthusiasm. "It would be a great idea... just imagine.. SPERM PLAYED BY HUMANS! People could really connect with it! I think it really would really shed some light of emotion on the whole 'sperm eat sperm' struggle that makes up their entire existence, the fight that takes place prior to every pregnancy. The dark, dank, terrible trials and tribulations that must be overcome for the magical point of conception to occur."

On the National Geographic website, on the Sizing Up Sperm page, they offer a bunch of fun facts about sperm and have a SWEET flash game where you guide the sperm to the egg. It's actually pretty fun, but I wish it was a FIRST PERSON SHOOTER! ba-dum-pssshhhh.
Be sure to check out the trailer while you're there!

Definitely worth a watch. Sunday at 2 P.M. EST

42 Year Old Mother Strives to Become World's Fattest Woman

2010-03-15T19:18:00Z

In a world where fame is somehow more important than health and where there is apparently no irony at all, Donna Simpson, a 42 year old American woman from New Jersey, strives to become the world's fattest woman by setting a goal of 1,000 pounds. Lets keep things in perspective, the world's largest SYBERIAN TIGER.. the largest tiger ever recorded... ever, weighed 1025 pounds.

According to an article from the Daily Mail, she is planning on reaching her goal of adding 398 pounds to her already massive 602 pound body in just 2 years. If anybody can do it, its probably her.

This really came as no surprise to me that there was someone out there that would try to break this idiotic record and acquire so much body mass that it would require a crane to get them out of bed. It was also no surprise to me that they were an American. I mean, its the only country that could come up with something as stupid as this: Heart Attack Grill (its worth a read). It also wasn't a surprise to me to find that this infinitely loggerheaded woman has been making her living off of the video recording of her mass consumption of junk food. America, F--- Yeah!

It really sickens me to think that this is acceptable. I wish Guinness World Book didn't exist sometimes, specifically for the cases where some idiot parent wants to break a record that's going to directly affect the upbringing of their children. Who wants to grow up with a superfat mother that's idea of fun is sitting in front of a webcam stuffing her face with junk food?

Despite the blatant medical issues with obtaining that kind of size, Ms. Simpson insists that she is healthy. She says "My favorite food is sushi, but unlike others I can sit and eat 70 big pieces of sushi at a time!" She goes on to say that she loves sweets and cakes, but that doughnuts are her favorite. I'm sure she can eat dozens.

Her big beautiful body dons a XXXXXXXL size dress. Yes, 7 Xs before the L. At that point, it might be pretty hard to find a dress, which I'm sure is the only style of clothing that she can wear. You'd expect her partner, Phillipe, to want her to lighten up so they could get a little friskier, but that's not the case. He likes it! Weighing a whopping 150 pounds, Phillipe is what you would call a "fat admirer." They met on a dating site for plus sized people. She says that he completely supports her in everything that she does with her weight, and that she thinks that he'd like it if she was bigger. She's definitely going to be a lot bigger by the end of this!

In order to reach her goal, she will have to move EVEN LESS and consume 12,000 calories per day. At the point where she is right now, 602 pounds, she can only walk 20 feet without having to sit down. By the end of it, she won't be able to walk at all, and probably won't even be able to stand. She says "it might be hard, running after my daughter keeps my weight down."

In order to fund that kind of diet, she will need about $750 per week. She's got that covered though. After she broke the record as the world's fattest mom, she opened up a website called SuperSizedBombshells.com, a website where men pay to watch fat women stuff their faces with fast food. Go ahead... check it out... I did. They also have a sister site that I found hilarious, Gaining Bombshells, where you can see the progression of girls getting fatter.

Okay, there is a LITTLE irony to the story. When Donna was 31 years old, she was trying to lose weight. She had been making a little progress when her friend died in the middle of a gastro-bypass surgery. Once this happened, she took it as a sign and decided to embrace the way that she was. Obviously, instead of continuing her weight loss, she reversed it and decided to do this.

Overall, the stupidity of the subject of this article is what drew me in. It really is depressing that there are people out there that are willing to sacrifice their health and livelihood for money, fame, and self-indulgence. If she only knew how happy it would make her to get out on a bike, a surfboard, or even just have the ability to walk around outside on a sunny day...

via DailyMail

Google Maps' Bike Routes + Or - ??

2010-03-15T17:55:00Z

Almost a week ago, Google Maps added a great new feature to their directions that allow you to "Bike There."

The idea has been in the works for quite some time and it took a petition signed by over 50 thousand people to make it a reality.

Though the feature is still in beta, many new transport bike trails have been added to the system. In addition, Google Maps has noted which roads have bike lanes and which are bike-friendly roads. Google Maps encourages users to report problems with directions dealing with cycling suitability and restricted access roads, but regardless of the negative possibilities, I would like there to be an option to suggest new trails for evaluation. My hopes and dreams will probably not come to light any time soon, as there have already been a number of problems reported already.

Some reviewers in the New York Post already have reported some bugs that may prove to be "fatal" for cyclists. Apparently Google Maps got it all wrong and was leading cyclists down roads without bike lanes, even roads where the bike lanes had been sandblasted off because of protests. The streets of New York may be a little too much for the brand new feature to handle at the moment.

In the petition they ask for an option to pick the "safest route" as well. I think that this is important, because regardless of whether or not there is a bike lane or not, some roads are safer than others. It will be interesting to see how the Google maps out the safer routes as opposed to the suggested one.

In my home town, Tallahassee, I have seen a couple of trails added, but hopefully there will be more, and not just trails used for transportation. I'd really like to see some recreational trails listed so that maybe I could learn about some new ones. I understand that "Directions" are for getting from point A to point B, but I think it would be really cool to be able to plan a fun and meandering day out on my bike.

The travel path allows for click-and-drag editing of the route so that if you know where you're going and you don't like the road, then you can change the path to a more suitable one, but if you are expecting to learn something new from Google Maps, wear your helmet and be wary.

The feature still hasn't come out on the mobile maps application, but it really needs to. Running a wrong turn on a bike can take much longer to correct than in a car. If a trail is closed down and you're 45 minutes into your excursion what are you supposed to do? A 2 or 3 mile detour can take 20 minutes out of your day as opposed to a quick 3 or 4. Google really needs to make a mobile application for this.

I think that there is a lot left to be explored with this feature, but I really support it and think its a really good addition to Google Maps. Give it a try now!

Obama Bans Fishing?

2010-03-10T15:26:00Z

A few days ago ESPN released an article that basically stated that Obama was planning on banning fishing. The article definitely insinuates that he's planning on banning not only industrial fishing, but recreational fishing as well.

NOAA, or the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, is planning the future of the restrictions of recreational fishing access. In late March the final report for "marine spatial planning" will be issued, with an executive order from the President to implement whatever is entailed. What's really scaring the anglers is the administration's similar agenda to the World Wildlife Fund's, which succeeded in banning hunting on spring bears in Ontario, which lead to economic difficulties among some of the residents that profited off of the season.

According to ESPN, the angling advocates that have been involved say that they are worried because of the NOAA's indifference to the potential loss of jobs and livelihood associated with recreational fishing. Anglers are scared that NOAA might be trying to completely ban fishing because they have decided to stop taking public input in the matter.

The scare is being backed by the implications of the "Recommendations for the Adoption and Implementation of an Oceans, Coasts, and Great Lakes National Policy" which was released by the NOAA task force shortly after Obama was in office. The term "overfishing" was used throughout the report and recreational fishing and its benefits were not ever mentioned. Also, just to add to the fire, some affiliates of NOAA have "revealed their anti-fishing bias by playing fast and loose with 'facts,' in attempts to ban tackle containing lead in the United States and Canada." If you ask me, that's a very biased sentence right there from the ESPN article. Maybe they just are against lead poisoning?

I personally don't think any of this is going to happen. It doesn't make sense that the President would blindly back up a plan with an executive order that would destroy thousands of jobs and take a huge culture and throw it down the drain.

Nobody really knows the truth of the matter, but what might be confusing people is that the administration has decided to back a worldwide ban on the trade of Bluefin Tuna. The Northern Bluefin Tuna has been fished for centuries, but finally the "overfishing" has taken its toll and has driven the species near to extinction. The administration has decided to back this ban because the species is going extinct, this really doesn't have anything to do with the NOAA's report or whether or not fishing will be banned.

“There is no doubt that the species is in desperate trouble. Stocks of Atlantic and Mediterranean bluefin declined by more than 70 percent between 1957 and 2007, and by more than 60 percent in the last decade alone. Stocks in the Western Atlantic, including the United States, have stabilized but at a very low level. The decline has been driven by a growing global appetite for tuna, and by the rapid mechanization of industrial fishing, chiefly purse-seining operations that allow for the capture of entire schools of tuna at once," says an article from the New York Times.

Japan is the only country that doesn't seem to adhere to anything having to do with fishing, and they're probably not ready to give up the Bluefins. The trade has nearly wiped out the tuna and jacked the prices up so high that one fish recently sold for £111,000.

The animal activist people can be really intense and in my opinion, pretty ridiculous. I remember there being all of that stir over the video of the fish dying, but I highly doubt that those are the types of people that are writing this report and managing the fishing access. I feel like the ESPN article was almost written to get people into a stir.

Now, if Obama does sign off on an executive order to do all that the report entails and they DO end up banning fishing, I'm going to feel like a huge idiot. I just know that most of the recreational fisherman that I have met, ones that make it a huge part of their lives (a couple of them have made careers out of it), aren't really all for Obama's decisions because they're from the south and well, to leave it simply, are conservative.

I really hope that the ban, if there even is a ban, is just on tuna, or maybe on certain types of large scale fishing. I eat seafood just as much as the next guy, but I don't like seeing huge nets wrapped up around dolphins or birds or anything. I definitely don't have a problem with the thought of fish dying because I'd be a hypocrite for loving tuna steak and sushi as much as I do.

Tron: Legacy

2010-03-09T18:22:00Z

We've waited almost 3 decades now, but it's finally happening... We get another TRON movie!

Tron Legacy is set for release in December 2010. Hopefully it will be as visually stunning to our current year as Tron, the original, was to 1982.

Sam Flynn, the tech-savvy 27-year-old son of Kevin Flynn, looks into his father's disappearance and finds himself pulled into the same world of fierce programs and gladiatorial games where his father has been living for 25 years. Along with Kevin's loyal confidant, father and son embark on a life-and-death journey across a visually-stunning cyber universe that has become far more advanced and exceedingly dangerous. (From IMDb)

Original director and co-writer Steven Lisberger produces the new film, which is helmed by commercial director Joseph Kosinski.

TRON, the original, is a movie released in 1982 by Disney. It features some of the most stunning effects of its time, and its all together a great visual show, even nowadays.

The movie is about this former hacker that gets sucked into cyberspace to duke it out, gladiator style, with a bunch of crazy programs that are all operated by one big mean dictator program called the Master Control.

He winds up there only because he's trying to prove this one mean guy stole some video games that he made. He thinks its a good idea to do this by hacking into ENCOM's system.. ENCOM is the mean guy's company. He can't really hack the system though, so he decides that he's going to break into ENCOM and replace the Master Control with Tron, which is a security program created by his ex girlfriend's new boyfriend... huh. Anyway, Master Control decides to use this matter transmission program and suck him into cyberspace where he is able to use Tron to battle all of these minion programs, it's pretty neat.

I'm gonna have to watch Tron again before I go see Tron Legacy. Exciting news.

Tron: Legacy

Three Members Of An Identity Theft Ring That Bagged Over $3 Million Finally Charged

2010-03-09T16:59:00Z

An investigation that has lasted nearly four years came to a close on February 25th when three members of a sophisticated identity theft ring were charged with 78 identity theft related felonies.

Albert Jose Gonzalez, 39, of Lancaster, Josue Gustavo Albizuras, 42, of Los Angeles, and Cesar Vasquez Echeverria, 28, of Santa Clarita were the ones who were arrested at around 2 P.M. PST on 2/25 and are now facing multiple counts of conspiracy, identity theft, grand theft and computer access fraud.

The suspects are accused of installing skimmers into gas pumps that read and record the debit cards and pins that are used in them. It is completely undetectable since the skimming device is inside of the gas pump. The data is retrieved by the thieves using bluetooth technology on cell phones or laptop computers.

Search warrants were issued for the homes of the suspects and bluetooth skimming devices, credit card printers and devices used to encode them, and ridiculously expensive cars including a Ferrari and Porsche were seized.

The skimming devices were found at 12 gas stations where over 15,000 accounts were compromised, resulting in over $3 million worth of damage.

The bail for each of the inmates is set at $2 million dollars. All of the defendants pleaded not guilty and their first court date is on the 16th of March.

If the defendants are found guilty on all counts they will face up to 20 years in a state prison.

via LAtimes

Elwood Clothing Company Welcomes Dan Plunkett

2010-03-05T17:52:00Z

Elwood Clothing Company has a new addition to their skate team. Dan Plunkett joins the ranks and this is his new welcome video from Elwood.

via Elwood Clothing

5th Grader Suspended for Munching on Special Fruity Pebbles

2010-03-03T13:58:00Z

Last week in Pittsburg, 6 fifth-graders were suspended for indulging in a tasty, stoney snack of fruity pebbles. These were no ordinary fruity pebbles though, these had marijuana cooked into them, school district superintendent Barbara Wilson stated.

When the fifth-grade girl that had brought the snack to school was caught, she immediately ratted out her sister. When the sister was asked how the fifth-grader had obtained the snack, she told police that it was from a medical marijuana dispensary and must have fallen out of her purse, Lt. Brian Addington reported. The fifth-grader that brought the pebbles to school confessed that she did know that they contained marijuana in the end.

Still, no arrests have been made as it is under investigation as to whether or not the big sister had a legitimate card to purchase the marijuana treat at a dispensary.

Lt. Addington made it clear that the children did not eat much. He said that the children consumed only "minute amounts, basically pieces of the pebbles." After analysis it was confirmed that the pebbles did, in fact, contain THC, the main testable and active drug found in marijuana.

The cloud 9'd fifth-graders were turned in by a couple of their snitching classmates who decided to run and tell the principal. Probably the kids that weren't allowed to get down.

The kid that brought the pebbles to school was suspended indefinitely until the police are finished with the investigation. The other children that partook in the munchies were suspended only for a day for not telling their teachers.

All of the childrens' vital signs were completely normal, as would be expected. They were released to their parents by the school that day.

The Principal of the Stoneman school, which hilariously is where this happened, decided to send home a letter telling the parents to teach their kids to report things that they find dangerous. I don't know if that really applies here....

Lt. Addington also added that adults should be more responsible with "dangerous substances" around children.

I personally don't think it's a great thing for fifth-graders to be getting high, and definitely not at school. I still wouldn't ever consider marijuana a dangerous substance though. I hope that this case gets resolved as smoothly as possible and that the kid gets to stay in school and that his sister doesn't end up getting arrested.

via InsideBayArea

Google Acquires Picnik

2010-03-02T20:49:00Z

Mammoth Internet company Google has recently aquired Picnik.com, a website that allows you to import, edit, and store images online.

"Until recently, you had to edit your photos using client software on your computer," Brian Axe, a Google product management director, said yesterday.

"Today, we're excited to announce that Google has acquired Picnik, one of the first sites to bring photo editing to the cloud."

The feature that really makes Picnik stand out is allowing it to connect to your social media accounts and import your photos directly from there. This is great for me, since I really don't have hardly any of my photos on my hard drive since Facebook makes it so easy to keep up with them.

With this new addition, what is one supposed to do with Picasa? Picasa is Google's photo storage and sharing website. With the account to Picasa comes free basic photo editing software. The software basically allows you to do the same kinds of things as Picnik. Crop, red eye correction, color balancing, the basic stuff. Picnik offers "premium features" for about $2/month. What would happen with those premium features? Would Google make you pay for the premium features or would they open it up?

The integration seems a little unclear to me. Currently, Yahoo! Mail allows users to edit photos with Picnik's software. Google will probably want to have this feature as well, but will they really keep allowing Yahoo! to use the features that they just purchased?

Hopefully we will see soon!

via DailyTelegraph

Short Film: Walk Signal Man Takes A Walk Through Tokyo

2010-03-01T16:21:00Z

A short film directed by Johnathan Bensimon features a walk signal man taking a nice little stroll through the streets of Tokyo.

The video is a compilation of over 1,000 individual digital stills. The illuminated suit was made with a whole lot of high voltage LED lights with a translucent nylon cover to make it appear as if it were glowing.

Tokyo/Glow via TokyoMango

8.8 Magnitude Earthquake in Chile

2010-03-01T15:25:00Z

Photo by Jose Luis Saavedra

The Big Picture of Boston.com is featuring a photo gallery that shows the true devastation and chaos caused by the 8.8 magnitude earthquake that hit on Saturday, Feb. 27th.

Here is a list of ways that you can help, brought to you by the Huffington Post.

The earthquake was definitely one of the most devastating in history, leaving over 700 dead and 2 million misplaced. Hopefully the misplaced are found soon and the death toll doesn't get too high.

The biggest earthquake ever recorded happened in Chile as well. In 1960 the Great Chilean Earthquake measured a 9.5 on the Richter scale and left over 6,000 dead.