Bulldog Edition

The mayor dangles while the world laughs – and photoshops

bulldog — Thu, 02 Aug 2012 18:19:00 GMT

The Internet has a new meme to pass around – Dangling Boris.

The meme comes after London's 48-year-old mayor, Boris Johnson, tried to go down a zipline, Union Jack flags waving, to promote the Olympics. But the mayor wound up dangling awkwardly in a harness. But he was still clutching his flags, bless his little patriotic heart.

Since pictures of Johnson dangling in mid-air hit the interwebz, everybody and their mamas, who have access to Photoshop, have been inserting Johnson into all sorts of scenarios, with all sorts of folks. He's dangled from the Statue of Liberty, from the fingertips of Kate Winslet, and from all manner of Olympic athletes. He's even hung from rear view mirrors, been dipped in a cup of tea like a tea bag, and strung up as a pair of matching Boris earrings. The poor guy's even been shown hanging up as the catch of the day for US President Barack Obama.

But Johnson seems to have a great sense of humor about the whole thing. At least the guy was waving a couple of flags while he was dangling – it's all good.

Be prepared – don't be victimized

bulldog — Mon, 23 Jul 2012 20:31:00 GMT

America has had its first look at the Aurora Batman shooter, James Holmes. Sporting dyed fiery hair and a blank expression, Holmes appeared before a judge today for his very first court appearance. Holmes remained silent during the appearance, with his attorneys answering for him even when the judge asked him if he understood his rights.

If you've been under a rock the past week and don't know what we're talking about, let us help you. On July 20, Holmes walked into the midnight screening of the new Batman film, "The Dark Knight Rises" at the Century movie theater in Aurora, Colo. He was wearing protective gear, and set off tear gas grenades and then proceeded to shoot into the audience, killing 12 people and wounding 58 more.

Although there have been no actual numbers released, we'd be willing to be that people everywhere are rethinking their late night movie cravings, and opting to stay at home. In fact, we'd also bet our last dime that multitudes of people are staying away from movie theaters all together.

But you don't have to live in fear. If we all walked around afraid of the "what-ifs" in life, we'd be too petrified to live. Brandon Webb, a Navy SEAL, has shared some tips to help people be better prepared in the future.

• Choose seats that allow for a hasty exit.

• Don't just hide yourself, cover yourself. Hiding is just concealment, while cover hides and protects.

• Carry a flashlight with a high lumens. This can help you to blind an attacker for just a few seconds – which can be enough time for fight or flight. Webb recommends a 200+ lumens flashlight that is waterproof, LED and runs off a 3-volt lithium battery.

• Consider taking a self-defense class in your area, conducted by former military or law enforcement personnel.

• Avoid opening night and large crowds that make easy targets. You don't want to live in fear, but use common sense and don't put yourself in harm's way.

Did Scientology drive a wedge between Cruise and Holmes?

bulldog — Wed, 18 Jul 2012 19:43:00 GMT

By now, unless you've been living under a rock, you've no doubt heard about the Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes divorce. You've heard the stories about how she spent months secretly preparing to drop a bomb on Cruise. You've seen news reports about how he's dealing with it as best he can, and how she's finally smiling again.

At the center of the storm is Cruise's devout belief in Scientology. Holmes converted after the couple were married, which reportedly caused a myriad of rifts between the starlet and her family and friends. She was raised in a strict Catholic home.

But if you're like us, you may not know much about the whole Scientology thing, except that there are quite a few celebrities that claim it as their own. We did a little digging, and here's what we found.

The Church of Scientology was founded by sci-fi author L. Ron Hubbard, in an attempt to clear people of their unhappiness. While most of us look at the organization as a Mafia-like operation, Scientologists claim it's a church. The group now has about 700 centers in 65 countries. It's very secretive, with its top officials refusing to discuss church business or beliefs.

One of the church's biggest attractions is its celebrity roster, which boasts Cruise, along with John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, Mimi Rogers, Anne Archer, Sonny Bono and even the voice of Bart Simpson, Nancy Cartwright.

But what's not widely reported is that no group prompts more telephone pleas for help than Scientology. Called the most ruthless and classically terroristic of the groups that have been labeled cults, some former members have said it's a criminal organization.

Whatever your opinion, one thing is clear, if news reports are to be believed. Holmes has distanced herself from Cruise and his so-called church, and is running back to what she knows. It's almost like the 1970s again, when cult members were routinely grabbed and de-programmed. Only this time, the target for the de-programming went willingly.

We don't claim to fully understand scientology, or the reasons for the Cruise-Holmes split. But you have to admit, it does seem that Scientology is at the heart of it.

What will you do with YOUR immortal soul?

bulldog — Mon, 09 Jul 2012 15:09:00 GMT

You can buy just about anything on eBay. You can buy used stuff and new stuff. You can find vintage and antique items, and the latest thing. You can find the most common things…and you can find the most unusual things.

Take for example, the item Lori N. from Albuquerque, N.M. posted for sale. She's a freelance writer who's had a little misfortune lately, and decided to sell something she thought would bring a pretty penny – her immortal soul.

The listing, which featured a starting bid of $2,000, has been removed. Apparently, eBay has a strict policy regarding human remains, although there is nothing included about souls.

No word yet whether Satan entered a bid.

Adults behave like turds

bulldog — Tue, 26 Jun 2012 18:28:00 GMT

Can you get a couple of eighth graders to eat some grade A, top of the line Canadian moose poop? Apparently there's at least one guy who can.

The students were on a two-day canoe trip in Grand Marais, Manitoba. One of the chaperones convinced two students, one male and one female, to take a bite out of some moose droppings, which the students were told were chocolate covered almonds.

The female student said the waste became lodged in her braces, and she quickly resorted to brushing her teeth using lake water. Both students were told after the prank that moose droppings are "harmless, because moose only eat grass."

Other students stood nearby, laughing. The principal of the school was also there, and did nothing. His career is now in jeopardy.

Parents of the two students are furious, and are demanding action. Turns out, moose droppings can carry potentially harmful parasites. The students have shown no signs of illness so far, but have seen a doctor as a precaution.

Worse than the physical side affects has been the teasing. Text messages and teasing from their peers have become the norm for both students.

Now, while we enjoy a good prank just as much as the next guy, we don't like to see anyone suffer, physically and emotionally. So we hope the adults in this situation are treated like the turds they are.

Pun intended.

And the freak train just keeps rollin'...

bulldog — Wed, 13 Jun 2012 16:37:00 GMT

A Massachusetts man has been arrested and charged with domestic assault and battery and assault after police say he threw a pair of jeans into his girlfriend's face after an argument. But the jeans weren't just regular jeans. They were covered in wasabi sauce.

The woman received a text message from a male friend, which reportedly set the man off. He threatened to throw a pair of her jeans, worth $200, outside. The man then doused the jeans in wasabi sauce, and after taking her cell phone from her, threw the jeans in her face.

The woman is apparently OK, but feeling a little spicy.

Other headlines that caught our eye this morning:

• Salma Hayek shows cleavage, wears yoga pants

• Charlize (Theron) shaved her head

• Miley Cyrus shows major cleavage

• Farmer blames death rays for cows' deaths

• Bear catches peeing man

• Four! – Women arrested for baring breasts on golf green

• Woman shoots herself – Without a gun

Zombie apocalypse?

bulldog — Wed, 06 Jun 2012 19:00:00 GMT

Well, you can relax now. The Centers for Disease Control has weighed in, and apparently there is no such thing as zombies.

This past week, the Interwebz has been blowing up with rumors about a zombie attack that was supposed to happen in Miami. The whole thing started with a man who was shot when he wouldn't stop gnawing on the face of a homeless man in Miami when he was ordered to by police.

The "zombie " was identified as Rudy Eugene, who some speculated may have been high on LSD. Others said his behavior was induced by bath salts, a methamphetamine-like drug that resembles the bathroom product it's named for.

Following the grisly incident, there were international headlines that there was a burgeoning zombie apocalypse in Miami. There were other headlines as well. A porn actor in Canada killed a man and dismembered his body, and at part of him. And a Maryland man ate the heart and brain of his roommate, whom he had killed and dismembered.

How the heck did cannibalism even become a "thing?" The voodoo culture and religion of Haiti is cited most often as the origin of zombie legend. The creole word "zombi" is derived from Nzambi, a West African deity.

According to experts in Haitian customs, Haitian zombies were once regular people, but became zombies after a voodoo priest or priestess gave them a potion or put them under a spell. The person then dies, and becomes a zombie.

Whatever you think or believe, if you see people wandering toward you who look "out of it," and repeating "brains….brains…" do not hesitate. Run the other direction and don't look back. Zombies don't like fast food.

Crime does pay?

bulldog — Tue, 29 May 2012 16:43:00 GMT

Does crime pay or not?

Antoinette Galluzzo, who admitted stealing more than $50,000 from a city youth agency in Englewood, N.J., was ordered to pay restitution in the amount of $10 a month during her probation, which is three years.

On the flip side of this, Kerry Haggard was sent to prison for 6.5 years for selling fake movie lobby posters.

Bizarre. The world can be a messed up place.

Ready for a little spooky fun?

bulldog — Thu, 24 May 2012 16:40:00 GMT

Daniel Radcliffe, best known for playing the boy wizard Harry Potter, has re-entered movie theaters, this time as a young man in "The Woman in Black." Reportedly, the story is not about guts and gore, but is instead packed with suspense.

Radcliffe plays Arthur Kipps, a widowed lawyer who is so lost in his grief that his career is in jeopardy. He is sent to a remote village to settle the estate of a recently-deceased eccentric. But after he arrives, it quickly becomes evident that the entire town is keeping a deadly secret.

The townsfolk try to keep Kipps from finding out what their secret is, but he discovers that the house left by his dead client is haunted by a woman who is looking for someone or something she lost, and no one is safe from her vengeance.

Sounds like a good ghost story, huh? It's a movie I'm looking forward to seeing. And it got me to thinking…while I don't believe in ghosts, I do enjoy a good scare. And haunted houses are a great place to get them.

There are a ton of reportedly haunted houses out there, and there are some particularly famous ones I'd love to visit. Here are my favorites.

• The Stanley Hotel in Estes Park, Colo. – It's where the movie "The Shining" was filmed, and supposed to be haunted by several ghosts.

• Preston Castle in Ione, Calif. – One of the most haunted places in California, you can spend the night there. But bring your sleeping bag…and some No-Doze.

• Dracula's Castle – Yep. It really exists. It's in Romania and you'll have quite the hike to get to it, but the visit is guaranteed to raise the hairs on the back of your neck.

• Tower of London – Famous for its myriad of ghosts, this is one location that will scare you to death – bring extra underpants.

• Although it's just fake, I'd love to spend the night in the old house that Barnabas Collins lived in – in the classic 1960s-era vampire soap opera, "Dark Shadows." So spooky!

Tanorexic mom needs to be sentenced to paleness

bulldog — Mon, 07 May 2012 15:03:00 GMT

Patricia Krentcil, the uber-tan mom who is charged with child endangerment after taking her 5-year-old daughter into the tanning booth with her, got another 15 minutes of fame when she was spoofed by Kristen Wiig on Saturday Night Live.

Wiig entered the scene literally smoking, and ended it by sticking a piece of bread between her thighs and making toast. She was covered in more bronzer than the entire cast of Jersey Shore. Yep. That tan.

Krentcil has said that those who are critical of her extremely tanned look are just jealous. She has said there is nothing wrong with being as tan as she is, while others have dubbed her "tanorexic."

There have even been those who have blamed Hollywood and its obsession with looking tanned.

But we don't blame Hollywood, or anyone else for that matter. We blame Krentcil. She willingly took herself into the tanning booth to achieve the look she has, and she's very likely damaged her skin beyond repair. Now she's endangered her daughter's health as well.

Krentcil, we don't advocate capital punishment. In fact, we like to see the punishment fit the crime. So here's hoping the judge sends you to jail in a small cell that is covered with mirrored surfaces – so you can watch yourself grow paler and paler.

Way to be supportive of a grieving family, Coke

bulldog — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 19:46:00 GMT

OK, so this woman in New Zealand died of a heart attack, which officials believe was due to toxic levels of caffeine and overall poor nutrition. The woman regularly drank between 2.1 and 2.6 gallons of Coca-Cola a day.

Yep. She had a drinking problem.

Thirty-year-old Natasha Harris, who was a stay at home mom with eight kids, died of a heart attack. An autopsy report revealed that she suffered from hypokalemia, or low potassium, which was likely brought on by her excessive consumption of Coke. Symptoms of the condition include abnormal heart rhythms.

The woman also ate very little and smoked about 30 cigarettes a day. She had experienced high blood pressure and lacked energy in the months leading up to her death.

But here's the dumbest part of the story. Coca-Cola responded with a press release that stated that even water can be dangerous in excessive amounts.

Water doesn't cause abnormal heart rhythms, Coke. We foresee a requirement to add warning labels to bottles of pop in the near future.

When you're done teaching the world to sing, Coke, get on that.

Charlie and his new show are still 'winning'

bulldog — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 18:58:00 GMT

Last year, all anyone could talk about was Charlie Sheen and his crazy antics. It was all about the tiger blood and the winning. The media could't stop reporting what Sheen did and said, and we couldn't get enough of it.

Now, Sheen says those days are over.

"I'm not crazy any more. That was an episode," he told a group of reporters earlier this year. "I think I'm a different person than I was yesterday. Everything is a lot more mellow and focused and much more rooted in reality."

His new FX show, "Anger Management," did well with a test audience, and Sheen was set to begin filming, which started last month. But news broke this week that the show's producer is being sued for $50 million by a former creative partner who says he labored for two years to develop the series, then got booted out when Sheen signed up to do the project.

Sheen's not involved in the suit, since it's the producer who's being sued. He's even stayed off Twitter recently, and kept himself goddess free. Sheen says he's been spending time working and with his kids. The show is still set to hit the airwaves in June.

We have to say, we miss the tiger blood-drinking, chain smoking, goddess-draped Sheen. He was much more fun that Level-Headed Charlie.

Sigh. Good times, good times…

Proof of human remains at the site of the Titanic?

bulldog — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 17:30:00 GMT

This year we remember the sinking of the Titanic, 100 years after the tragedy that took hundreds of lives. This week, a photograph has been released that depicts what one federal official claims is human remains, entombed in the mud surrounding the wreckage site.

James Delgado, director of maritime heritage at the National Oceanic and Atmosphere Administration, said, "These are not shoes that fell out neatly from somebody's bag right next to each other. I as an archeologist would say these are human remains. Buried in that sediment are very likely forensic remains of that person."

Well, there are dentures, dental plates, eyeglasses, metal buttons, clothes and pairs of shoes on the ocean floor at the wreckage site. Hundreds died, so you do the math.

Surprise! At the site of one of the worst tragedies ever, which took hundreds of lives, there are indications of human remains. Wow. Who'd have ever thought it?

Thank you, science.

Freaky Friday: Cooking at Walmart and a waltz at Goodwill

bulldog — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 19:40:00 GMT

It's official. You can now literally get everything at Walmart.

Including methamphetamine.

A custodial employee working at an Alabama Walmart found a "shake and bake" style meth lab in the women's restroom. The single-use meth operation included a Nestle water bottle and five empty packets of the over the counter cold medicine pseudoephedrine. The pills were a store brand, but not Walmart brand.

In other weird news, a convicted sex offender broke into a Goodwill Thrift Store in Sherman, Texas – naked.

The man broke through the store windows in the front, and then put on a red dress and heels. But he didn't just model his ensemble; no, he danced around the store.

The man had also broken through the glass window of a nearby motel, cutting himself on the head and arm, before he went to the thrift store, where he bled all over his outfit of choice, along with a lot of other merchandise.

The man was taken to a hospital and treated for his injuries before he was jailed and charged with criminal mischief and burglary.

He should have also been charged with fashion crimes. His dress did nothing for his figure.

Poop has healing powers? Who knew?

bulldog — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 19:18:00 GMT

OK. So this dude suffered from a bacterial infection so he gave himself an enema of water mixed with his cousin's poo. Sounds like a horrible idea, right. But the fact is, it's not such a crappy idea.

The Canadian man suffered from Clostridium difficile, a bacterial infection also known as C. difficile. The condition came on as a result of routine surgery the man had 18 months ago.

He became so frustrated an ill that he decided to just take matters into his own hands and treat himself. So he gave himself an enema designed to get rid of the infection. His cousin's poop was disease and parasite free, so it was good to go.

Once the, um, mixture was prepared, the man just flushed himself out with it.

But when his doctor heard, he said the man had jumped the gun. The doc had scheduled to perform the "transpoosion" in just a few days, but his patient just couldn't wait any longer.

While treating patients with poop sounds a little, um, shady, some doctors agree that it's a viable treatment. The Journal of Clinical Gastroenterology, September 2010 edition, published research that poop transplants help patients suffering from C. difficile. And apparently an enema is the only way to administer the healing power of poop.

But it is still considered a treatment of last resort, so don't go asking for volunteers just yet.