December 2011 - Posts
Freaky Friday: Weird Headlines
Passenger attacked over 'disease'
A woman was attacked at Jacksonville International Airport in Florida for "spreading disease" on a plane. A man hurled obscene insults at the 19-year-old woman while she was deplaning, telling her she had infected everyone with her coughing. He also charged toward her, striking her chest and driving her back, slamming her into a wall. She was bruised but okay; he was arrested and charged with battery.
Man charged in bizarre cow bone bar brawl
A man in Hawaii was charged with four counts of assault after he attacked a group of men with what police say they think was a cow's thigh bone.
The 45-year-old man attacked four men with the bone, which police are working to identify. The bone is obviously from a large animal, and police say the suspect found the bone in a pasture in the Kona area.
Reports indicate the attack was unprovoked, and the suspect was heavily intoxicated.
The day that doesn't exist in two countries
When the clock struck midnight on Thursday, the clock skipped over Friday and went straight to Saturday in the South Pacific island nation of Samoa.
The tiny country, along with Tokelau, are near the International date line, which means they will be the first to ring in the new year.
Yeah. It finally happened. The monks snapped.
Each year, monks clean the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem, considered to be one of the holiest places on earth and the traditional site of Jesus' birth. But this year, as the monks began to clean the place with brooms, a brawl broke out.
Dozens of monks from the three denominations that share the site – Roman Catholic, Armenian and Greek Orthodox – showed up to clean the site. But a fight erupted between the Greek and Armenian clergy, with both sides accusing each other of encroaching on parts of the church to which they lay claim.
Palestinian forces rushed in to break up the fight, and there were no serious injuries.
Good job, monks. The place is, first of all, sacred. Second, you were cleaning it to prepare it for the holiest night of the year. And third, the building is already falling into disrepair, with a leaky roof, which has destroyed priceless artwork inside the building.
Way to celebrate the holiday, you monkish grinches.
For the past several years, a new trend has emerged during the holidays – and the ugly that shows up each year has reached epic proportions.
Ugly Christmas sweater parties began a few years ago. No one really knows why. Perhaps someone was looking for a way to get rid of a bunch of sweaters he found in his attic. Perhaps someone thought she could bring the trend back and it backfired on her. Who knows? The fact is, from those ugly sweaters that were all the rage in the 1980s has come a new way to party.
The trend has even sparked a bunch of new businesses. If you can't find the perfect ugly sweater, you can find plenty of places online to purchase one. From the ugly to the "I-can't-believe-you-paid-money-for-that," these sites carry some seriously demented holiday sweaters. You can even find sites that specialize in recipes for ugly sweater parties.
There are also websites and books that tell you how to throw the perfect ugly Christmas sweater party. Designers are even jumping on the bandwagon. Dolce & Gabbana featured over-the-top sweaters on their runway, along with many others.
But why the ugly Christmas sweater? Aren't there better ways to make the season bright? Perhaps it is the nostalgia the sweaters represent. Maybe your kindergarten teacher, who you loved, wore one. Maybe it was you Mom or Grandma. Maybe you're just REALLY into the holidays and just can't control your Christmas spirit.
Whatever the reason, these crazy, tacky sweaters seem to make people smile. And isn't that exactly what the heart of Christmas is all about?
Would-be thieves got robbed. So they said.
Two people who were suspected of shoplifting in Ogden, Utah found out minutes after they stole cotton swabs, makeup and batteries that they had been robbed themselves.
After stealing items in a store and getting caught, the couple returned to their parked vehicle to find that someone had entered the unlocked truck and had stolen their stereo amplifier, a drum machine and cigarettes. The items the couple had stolen in the store were worth about $26, while the items stolen from them were worth about $60.
Justice is served.
Today's Odd Headlines…
$50,000 worth of margarine stolen
Authorities in Iowa said someone stole a semi-trailer truck loaded with margarine before it could be taken to a Target distribution center. The truck contained about $50,000 worth of margarine. Authorities said the trailer had been hooked up to another vehicle and driven away. Anybody seen Paula Deen?
Santa delivers trees with a side of pork
A Baltimore man has found success delivering Christmas trees with pulled pork sandwiches, all while dressed as Santa Claus.
A deliver from Pork N' Pine will cost you $45, but you'll get a freshly-cut tree delivered by Santa and two elves, and they arrive not by sleigh, but on bicycles, with Santa's bike in the lead and blasting Christmas music from a boom box strapped to his handlebars. Santa even performs a few dance moves.
Pole dancing doll hits shelves, just in time for Christmas
Parents all over the country are offended by this toy offering, along with child development experts. They all say this toy presents a negative image to little girls, and they do not recommend purchasing it.
But isn't this the logical extension of our popular culture? Strippers have made their way into our living rooms via reality television, and have even won our hearts as we've watched them clamor for true love. Then there are the celebrities who twirl around them – like Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears – and our daughters want to emulate their every gyration.
From the looks of things, it appears that the little girls of today will face an extreme disadvantage in the future if they don't know how to work a pole. This toy could be a very useful tool for little girls everywhere. So parents, when you give your little girl this gift, you give your little girl a leg up in the world.
Ann Marie Kennedy is one proud Effin woman. She's an Effin woman who's upset about Facebook's Effin policy.
Kennedy, 47, says she's had a Facebook page for two years, and in June of this year, she decided to add her hometown. But the social networking site has rejected the name of her hometown, Effin, Ireland. It's obvious why, she says. The town's moniker is too close to an alternative for the profane word, and she has begun an online campaign to have the city recognized.
"There are other Effin people around the world, and they want to put down that Effin is their hometown," she said.
But it appears that the whole thing was just an Effin mix-up. The BBC contacted Facebook, and a spokesperson said it's not a matter of the social media site finding the location name offensive, it's merely that the Effin blocking was an oversight, and they are working to fix it.
"I'm a proud Effin woman and I will always be an Effin woman," Kennedy said.
That's the Effin truth.
There's a not-so-new trend on the rise. It's "Tebowing."
Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow began kneeling to offer up a prayer during his days as quarterback of the University of Florida Gators. Now that he's gone pro, he still kneels before, during and after each game.
And the world has taken notice. The practice was first mentioned on Oct. 23 after the Denver game against the Miami Dolphins. And now people all over the nation are taking a knee, and there's even a website devoted to the practice, www.tebowing.com.
At the site, you'll find men, women and children, tebowing in every conceivable place. Some of them take the traditional pose, while others have done it under water, upside-down, on top of objects, in groups and there was one guy who even was saran-wrapped to a column in mid-tebow.
The practice has officially gotten out of hand.
Whether you are a Tebow fan or not, you gotta admit, the guy is doing something right. In fact, Tebow has been dubbed the "Mile-High Messiah." The Broncos were 1-4 when Tebow first hit the field, and the team seemed to have lost hope. And now he's leading his team to one of the best seasons they've had in recent years – they've taken some pretty impressive victories. The Broncos are the talk of the NFL.
Whatever. The Broncos clearly have a renewed belief in themselves. And their performance shows it.
It's Freaky Friday, and today we take a look at weird stuff in nature. Yep. Mother Nature can be a freak, too.
* Caribbean Crazy Ants have invaded five Southern states by the millions. They're call crazy because their deaths signal their fellow ants for revenge attacks, and up to 10 times as many might replace any that are wiped out. A Texas exterminator said he killed a mound but within 30 days he had 2 inches of dead ants over an entire acre, and the ants kept coming. Currently, Texas, Louisiana and Mississippi are the most vulnerable to attacks.
• Aquarium bosses at Sea Life Belgium regularly play Barry White an Marvyn Gaye songs in order to put sharks "in the mood," and help increase the aquarium's shark population.
• In New Zealand, a pod of dolphins defended a group of swimmers from an attack by a great white shark. The group of lifeguards were swimming as part of their training about 100 meters off shore when the dolphins rushed in a herded the group together. The men didn't realize there was a 9-foot shark nearby.
• A German man was found dead in his home, half eaten by his own exotic spiders and lizards. The man had an extensive collection of spiders, lizards and other pets, and his house was described as being a cross between a botanical garden and "The Silence of the Lambs." The man had been bitten by a Black Widow spider, and when he was found, there were spiders coming in and out of his mouth and nose. Lizards had ripped flesh off his body and parts were found all over the house.
The world is supposed to end next year – according to some. The end has been predicted using the Mayan calendar, but now Mayan experts say the end of time is still far off.
The Mayan calendar marks the end of a 5,126 year old cycle around Dec. 12, 2012, which is supposed to bring the return of Bolon Yokte, a Mayan god associated with war and creation.
Jose Arguelles wrote in his 1987 book that the date would mark the "ending of time as we know it." This spawned an army of Mayan theorists. But true Mayan experts say the date merely marks the termination of one period of creation and the beginning of another – and no the end of time.
Experts from The National Institute of Anthropological History in Mexico blame the widespread apocalyptic fear on the messianic thinking predominant in western culture, saying western philosophies project their thinking onto Mayan beliefs.
Truth is, the Mayan people didn't think about the end of the world – they simply lived for each day as it came.
Now why can't that thinking be what sticks, instead of fear of the end of the world?
If you're a "Twi-hard," you know that the new Twilight movie has broken records and continues to claim the high spot on the box office charts.
If you're a crafty person, you probably are familiar with the website Etsy.
What if you combine the two? Could you find Twilight-inspired items on this infamous seller of all things kitschy? Yes. Yes, you can. Here's a list of the Top 10 things we found.
1. If you are a Twilight fan and you have cold hands, never fear. You can purchase mittens from Etsy seller ChickenBetty, that are made to look like the cover of the first Twilight book. When you put your hands together, it really looks like there's an apple there. Really.
2. Just in time for Christmas, you can purchase a Team Edward sparkly gold ornament, complete with a blood red ribbon to hang it on your tree. Sparkly…get it? Like Edward's abs in the sunlight.
3. If you aren't a fan of the series, there's even a gift for you. You can get a T-shirt emblazoned with "Edward Cullen is a fictional character and he will never love you." Bitter, table for one.
4. For a mere $20, you can have your own wedding invitation from the vampiric wedding of the century – bearing your favorite human, angst-ridden girl and her sparkly vampire fiance.
5. Again, for those who are Team Edward, you can get a special T-shirt that says it all for the bargain price of $12: "I'd like to La Push Jacob off a cliff."
6. If you want your lips to be soft and supple when you bite that special someone this New Year's Even, then pick up some Esme Cullen Cucumber Melon Lip Glaze or perhaps Bella's rose flavor suits you better. If you don't like either, there's always the zucchini bread one.
7. If you're into silver jewelry, you can declare you've recently become undead by sporting a silver ring that reads "I've been bitten!" for only $34.99.
8. The unsung hero of the entire Twilight franchise? Bella's dad, police Chief Charlie Swan. If you're Team Charlie, you can sport a T-shirt that reads: "Team Charlie: No One Forks With The Chief of Police." Except, of course, vampires and werewolves.
9. Nothing says love like a bangle bracelet that has blood splatters on it and reads, "La Push," the Indian reservation that is home to wolfy Jacob. If your girl is Team Jacob, this is the must-have Christmas gift this year.
10. The ultimate find on Etsy for those who favor the Twilight series is the My Little Pony, Breaking Dawn edition, which features Emmitt Cullen's face on the pony's posterior. So dreamy.
Any of these gifts will make your friends and family swoon on Christmas morning. Of course, when they wake up, they'll be expecting their real gifts.
A substitute teacher in Boston has overreacted. Understatement of the century.
The woman overheard a 9-year-old boy say she's cute and she immediately went to school officials and reported him, which resulted in him being given a two-day suspension for sexual harassment.
According to the boy's mother, he never touched the teacher.
The school's code of conduct doesn't list sexual harassment – really, what elementary school's does? – but it does mention possession of a firearm, prohibited substance or assault of a school employee as grounds for long-term suspension.
In this day and age of every other commercial urging you to call 1-800-IGOTRIGHTS so that you can sue whoever has wronged you, we think this is all this incident is about. No one was victimized. Except the poor kid.
This substitute teacher has nutted up. A kid said she was cute. He didn't grab her butt. Perhaps someone should explain the difference to her.
It's not a good week to be a fake Santa Claus. Or the real one.
A Santa who tried to make a dramatic entrance at the mall in Palm Beach Gardens, Fla. was thwarted when his fake beard became entangled in the equipment he was using for rappelling from the ceiling.
Poor guy just hung there, while kids below sang "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" to give him the "magic" he needed to finish the descent. He eventually had to remove his hat and beard to make the rest of the trip down.
Then there was the guy in Santa "drag" who sang profane songs and used a rock to smash the windshield of the bus he was riding in Lauderhill, Fla. The driver of the bus repeatedly asked the guy to stop, but no dice. He deserves coal this year from the real big guy.
But is there really a big guy? Not according to one reporter.
Fox Chicago anchor Robin Robinson said that as soon as children are toddlers, they should learn that parents give the gifts, not Santa. She said it live and on the air. Her commentary, including the statement "There is no Santa," came after a segment about how Santas in malls deflect expensive gift requests from young children.
"Santa is the symbol of the generosity of the season. You go sit on his lap and we'll take a picture. But he's not coming down the chimney, he's not eating those cookings and he's not bringing you anything," Robinson said.
Following the newscast, the station was inundated with calls, e-mails and online comments from enraged viewers, and Robinson had to apologize the next day on air. She said in her apology that she would never spoil the magic of Christmas for children intentionally. Seemed pretty intentional to us.
Well…guess we now know what the Grinch looks like under all that green hair.