June 2011 - Posts
A Missouri man was pulled over and issued a ticket for flashing his middle finger at another motorist.
Steven Pogue stopped at a red light in Ballwin this spring, and while waiting for the light to change, saw another guy pull into the intersection as the light was turning red, causing Pogue to have to, gasp, sit through another red light.
To express his displeasure at the inconvenience, Pogue gave the dude the original PowerPoint.
Pogue was pulled over a few blocks away and ticketed. The citation stated that a motorist "may not extend any part of his body outside of the vehicle, except the hand and arm for signaling purposes only."
Pogue signaled. Oh yes. He did.
Ladies…you know we've all been there. We finally give in and go swimsuit shopping, even though we know it could possibly make us suicidal.
The scene is quiet. You could hear a pin drop. And then, piercing the calm, a blood-curdling scream reverberates throughout the dressing room. Women all over the store realize their hearts are racing and feel nervous beads of perspiration breaking out on their upper lips.
A murder? Nope. Just another dame trying on a swimsuit.
We have to go through it every year. And every year we dread it. As summer approaches, or is nearly half over for those of us who procrastinate, we head to the store to face the rows of two-piece, one-piece, all-sizes-and-colors racks of swimsuits, along with the bullet bras a la Madonna and the ones that have two strings to support the breasts that are over 40 and have nursed three kids.
Add to that full length mirrors and some fluorescent lighting – such a complimentary setting in which to bare your, um, assets. Fluorescent lighting is awesome. It really shows those stretch marks and leg veins, and accentuates the unshaven legs and need for a tummy tuck.
You know what? Plastic surgeons need to just set up a booth outside the swimsuit dressing rooms. They could sign up traumatized women easily. One right after the other.
There may be enough spandex to support your sagging backside, but there's not enough of it in the world to bolster a sagging ego after looking at your bootylicious self in a full length mirror in the latest swimwear fashion. Particularly if there's a disgustingly perky 19-year-old trying on an itty-bitty, teeny-weeny, yellow polka dot bikini in the next dressing room, complaining about how it covers too much.
Then there's the "helpful" clerk who keeps trying to get you to try on that thong. It's enough to drive even the most brave woman barking mad. This is why there are so many one-armed sales clerks in the swimsuit department. You stick a thong into a dressing room, you come out with a nub.
Sigh. What's the number for the local Weight Watchers?
Staff and administration at the Paradise Valley Hospital in National City, Calif. got jiggy with it and created a video of their version of the Black Eyed Peas hit "Pump It." The purpose behind the video was to remind doctors and nurses to wash their hands.
Hundreds of doctors and other staff appeared in the video, which was created for the infection prevention film festival at the Association for Professionals in Infection Control and Epidemiology meeting in Baltimore, Md.
Those behind the video say it caused a "major improvement" in hand washing at the facility.
While we agree that the video was done well and makes its point, we are a bit disturbed that doctors and nurses need reminding when it comes to sanitizing their hands. Don't they teach that on the first day of class?
Here's the video for your enjoyment. http://tempuri.org/tempuri.html
You wouldn't believe the warnings some items come with. We recently noticed that our curling iron had a warning label that read: "Warning: Burn hazard to eyes." Yeah. Because we always use the curling iron on our eyes.
So we decided to look at other warning labels, and find the really ridiculous ones. Here are our favorites. Enjoy.
• Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (on a child's Superman costume)
• Do not attempt to swallow. (on a tag attached to a mattress)
• Caution: This tool will cut. (on a tag attached to a machete)
• Do not use when temperature exceeds 140 degrees. (on a wheelbarrow)
• This formula may cause drowsiness. If affected, do not operate heavy machinery or drive a vehicle. (printed on infant drops)
• Do not use to pick up anything that is currently burning. (warning label on a vacuum cleaner)
• Do not use near power lines. (on a toilet plunger)
• Do not use while sleeping. (on a tag attached to a blow dryer)
• Warning: May cause drowsiness. (on the lab of a sleep aid)
For a few weeks now, Harry Potter fans have been chomping at the bit to find out what was up British author J.K. Rowling's sleeve. Rowling announced the creation of a new, free and interactive website called Pottermore. But that was all she said. Until today.
Today was built up as "the" day – the day some big announcement would be made, like whether there would be more Potter books. The was much speculation, and much wailing and gnashing of teeth as the big day approached.
Then today, on the site, Rowling made her announcement. She graciously thanked fans of the series for being such a loyal group. Then she said she was thrilled about the "unique online reading experience, unlike any other" that Pottermore is to be.
Rowling said the stories presented on the site would be the same stories but with some "crucial additions." She added that Pottermore would be built by the readers. The site is expected to go live in October.
What? That's it? Seriously?
For months, fans of the series have been waiting to find out what the heck Pottermore would be. And now we don't know anymore than we did before Rowling's rather cryptic message. Infuriating, yes. But like a flame for a moth? Even more so.
Rowling is crazy – like a fox. The site will be the exclusive seller of Harry Potter eBooks and digital audio books. And guess who's designer handbag will need to be traded in for a bigger size, due to all the royalty payments? Yep. Mother Potter herself.
Curse you, J.K. Rowling. Curse you.
After 15 years or so of decline, the teen pregnancy rate has risen 3 percent among 15- to 19-year-olds.
Not surprising when you see all the shows on television glamorizing teen pregnancy. MTV's "Teen Mom" and "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" both make it appear that getting pregnant in high school is just a bump in the road on the way to maturity. There's even been suggestions that teen girls are trying to get pregnant in order to be cast on the "Teen Mom" series, in the hopes of grabbing their 15 minutes of fame.
American viewers just can't seem to get enough of watching what happens when teen girls become pregnant. The shows are incredibly popular. What's the issue with these shows? Aside from the glamorized version of reality and the fame-seeking that happens, these shows don't really teach how to prevent pregnancy, or how to realistically deal with it if it does occur.
"Teen Mom" and "Secret Life" do encourage parents and teens to talk, and are known for the phrase, "Teen pregnancy is 100 percent preventable." And MTV's show does seem to show somewhat just how difficult it is to raise a child when you're still a child yourself.
But here's the problem. No matter what kind of message the shows put out there, the one teen girls seem to be hearing is that if you want to be famous, get pregnant.
Parents, if your kids are watching these shows, talk to them about safe sex practices. Tell them about family planning and the importance of finishing high school and going to college or at least a trade school.
Teens with babies should not be on television, and shouldn't be interviewed by Dr. Drew on the "finale" episode – he should be talking with them much earlier than that. Teens who find themselves about to be parents shouldn't be worried about camera angles – they should be taking care of their babies and working on growing up and being good parents.
After the first round of the U.S. Open golf tournament last week, Rory McIlroy, who won the tourney, stopped to answer questions from ESPN's reporter.
He had no idea he was being upstaged by Eyebrow Kid.
Beautiful people. They're so vain, they probably think this post is about them.
A dating website, beautifulpeople.com, was invaded recently by 30,000 "ugly" people who were granted membership by a Shrek virus – speculation as to who planted the virus points to a rejected site applicant.
The site works like this: applicants submit photos, which are then voted on by the existing membership. If the person is deemed "beautiful" by the membership, he or she can become a member. Those who don't make the cut are not issued a membership invitation.
But don't go thinking the members of this exclusive site are mean and prejudicial. Quite the contrary. Site Managing Director Greg Hodge said in a recent press release that communities such as beautifulpeople.com have to be exclusive to serve the purpose of the community. He went on to say that people who want to be a part of anything go through a selection process, and that his site is no different. It's just more democratic.
But after being accepted, then told they were too ugly to be a member, rejected individuals had to experience some hurt feelings, despite the democratic nature of the selection process.
One member, Kate, said she was urged to join by friends, and was elated when she was accepted. Upon learning it was a fluke and she received an e-mail stating, "Sorry to inform you; you're not beautiful enough," she felt humiliated. Who wouldn't feel that way?
So to all of you who are members of beautifulpeople.com, remember this: Looks will fade. The beauty that comes from being a quality, non-shallow person well, that lasts forever.
This is weird stuff. We couldn't make it up if we tried. You've been warned.
In Chinese legend, tea leaves picked by fairies using not their hands but just their mouths yielded brewed tea that would bring prosperity and cure diseases, and now the historic, picturesque Jiuhua Mountain Tea Plantation (in Gushi, Henan province) has promised to hire up to 10 female virgins to provide the equivalently pure and delicate tea leaves, picked with the teeth and dropped into small baskets worn around the women's necks. According to an April report in London's Daily Mail, only virgins with strong necks and lips (and a bra size of C-cup or larger), and without visible scars or blemishes, will be considered for the $80-a-day jobs (an almost unheard of salary in China, especially for agricultural field work).
Homeless Charles Mader, a convicted sex offender in Albuquerque, was arrested in May for failure to report his change of address, as required by law. Mader had moved out of his registered address, which was a Dumpster, into a community shelter.
Louis "Shovelhead" Garrett is an artist, a mannequin collector and a quilter in the eastern Missouri town of Louisiana, with a specialty in sewing quilts from women's panties, according to a report in the Hannibal Courier-Post. After showing his latest quilt at a women's luncheon in Hannibal recently, he told the newspaper of his high standards: "No polyester. I don't want those cheap, dollar-store, not-sexy, farm-girl panties. I want classy – silk or nylon."
The local board of health closed down the Wing Wah Chinese restaurant in South Dennis, Mass., briefly for various violations. The most serious, said officials, was the restaurant's practice of draining water from cabbage by putting it in cloth laundry bags, placing the bags between two pieces of plywood in the parking lot, and driving over them with a van. Said Health Director Ted Dumas, "I've seen everything now."
A band of computer hackers who pride themselves on having been able to hack some of the most high-profile networks in the country has struck again – and this time, they hacked the Senate's server in Washington, D.C.
The system was hacked, but the security of the network was not compromised. The group has also claimed that it hacked into Sony's and Nintendo's systems, and claims it was the one who defaced the PBS website after the network aired a documentary which cast a negative light on WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange.
The hackers said they broke into the system because they can, and because they wanted to attempt to help the government "fix their issues."
Hacking is a crime. In more ways than one. Lots of celebrities have been hacked. Britney Spears' account has been hacked more than once. Rapper Lil' Wayne, Tameka Cottle, President Barack Obama, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher were all victims of hackers. Kim Kardashian and Justin Bieber were hacked, and it soon appeared they each had no followers.
When these kinds of hacks occur, not only does it cause problems for the celebrity, it costs money. You have to hire "people" to take care of the aftershock sometimes.
Now it has become the ultimate excuse. After a lewd TwitPic briefly appeared on Rep. Anthony Weiner's Twitter account, he denied sending the photo, saying his account was hacked. The incident turned into "Weinergate," and we've since learned that Weiner not only sent that picture, he also sent a ton more, along with text messages. The whole thing is still under investigation.
What have we learned here? If you use Twitter, don't be a twit. Make sure you are using a sensible, hard-to-crack password.
And if your last name is Weiner, well, consider changing it – and closing your Twitter account.
We saw the headline and just couldn't look away: "Catholic priest pulls a Weiner on Florida beach and exposes himself."
The story took place in Englewood, Fla., where police arrested Rev. Bernard Chojnacki, 36, a priest at S. Charles Borromeo Parish. He apparently flashed the, um, "holy of holies" to a cop who was patrolling the area because of complaints about lewd activity.
Not only did the priest flash the officer, but he also grabbed him inappropriately and said he wanted to perform a sex act.
Chojnacki has been charged with exposure of sexual organs and battery.
Beyond the fact that the guy was a priest who flashed his communion fruit, we couldn't get over how fast Rep. Anthony Weiner's surname has become a verb. Our society tends to do this these days.
You remember Weiner, right? He's the guy that sent a photo of his, um, nether regions to a girl who was following him on Twitter. Apparently, the guy had been doing this type of thing for a while, and with a bunch of different girls.
He got caught, and although he has apologized, he claims he hasn't misused any official resources and that there has been no violation of House rules. He also has refused to resign his post.
Other people caught in the limelight have seen their names go verb. Kanye West jumped on stage and interrupted sweet little Taylor Swift during an awards show, and his name is now synonymous with someone stealing the spotlight and being inappropriate.
It has been quite a while since the infamous fight between singers Rihanna and Chris Brown, during which he punched her in the face. But his name has also become a verb. You can bet if someone goes Kanye, the injured party will go Chris Brown.
And who can forget Charlie Sheen? To "Sheen" has now become the term for getting completely wasted and babbling nonsense.
Lindsay Lohan is another celebrity whose life is constantly under the microscope, but not because of her mad acting chops. It's because of her antics off-camera. This is why her nickname, "Lilo," has been added to the dictionary with the definition, "used to describe the scene of a gory train wreck in which no one survived."
That about sums it up. If you don't trust our facts here, Google it. Then you can Facebook it or tweet about it.
Police can be so rude.
Officers in Elyria, Ohio arrested a man praying in church after he stole four packages of underwear from a Family Dollar store last Sunday.
Can't a guy ask forgiveness for stealing some drawers without being harassed by "the man?"
In other people-who-are-rude news, a teenager now faces simple assault charges after police in Rock Hill, S.C. say he tackled another teen outside a sporting goods store.
The tackled teen was working at the time, dressed as "Slappy," the ice cream cone mascot of Marble Slab ice cream parlors. The tackler pulled up in a sport utility vehicle, jumped out and tackled him, and jumped back in the car, which then sped away.
How rude. Arresting this teen for tackling the ice cream cone. Those police don't know what the kid's issues are. Maybe he was accosted by someone wearing an ice cream suit when he was younger. Maybe he had a terrible bout of brain freeze once. Maybe he has an unnatural fear of giant ice cream cones.
Whatever the reason, he dealt with it in the best way he knew – he jumped that cone and ran. Officers, he was just trying to deal with his fears. Was the arrest really necessary?
And officers in Ohio, you certainly would have arrested the dude if he was walking around underwear-less. The guy didn't have any money and was just trying to be a law-abiding citizen by wearing underwear. When his conscience got the best of him, he repented. Well…he tried to.
Rude much? Geez...
Honestly, if ever there was a week to be a writer at Saturday Night Live, this is it.
U.S. Rep. Anthony Weiner, D-N.Y., used a congressional phone for phone sex with a 40-year-old Las Vegas blackjack dealer. Ladies and gentlemen, may we introduce, "Weinergate."
On a side note: Could this guy have a more appropriate surname for this scandal?
Lisa Weiss, the Las Vegas lady who says she and Weiner had been sexting for about nine months, went public because she said Weiner had lied.
Apparently, Weiner has had several online and phone relationships with women he met through social media. He not only sexted them, but he also sent sexually suggestive photographs to them.
A congressional ethics investigation will be conducted to determine if any official resources were used or if any other House rules violations took place.
Weiner has said he used his personal Blackberry during the relationships, and didn't use any government resources. He has vehemently denied any violations of his oath as a member of Congress, and refuses to resign.
Did Weiner learn nothing from Rep. Chris Lee, whose career was ended after he sent a shirtless picture of himself to a woman he met on Craigslist? Lee only sent a pectorial – he didn't even sext or send photos of his, um, manhood. See any potential life lessons here, Mr. Weiner?
We agree with Reese Witherspoon who, during her acceptance speech for her Generation Award at the MTV Movie Awards Sunday night, said that if you're going to take nude photos, don't show your face.
And if you're going to send photos of your, um, nether regions to people you've just met online, don't use your real name.
Father's Day is coming up, and with the special day comes to mind the concept of what a good man is – and everyone defines it just a little differently.
But if you're the parent of a teenage son, you may think he's beyond help when it comes to guiding him from boyhood to manhood. But quite the contrary. Teenage boys need help during this time perhaps more so than any other, because the challenges they face as teens can be tough to navigate.
In other words, your teenage son still needs his mommy.
During the teen years, your son's body and mind will undergo a lot of changes. The levels of hormone testosterone will fluctuate as he goes through changes like growing taller and his voice growing deeper. Help your son deal with these changes by giving him the opportunity to express how he feels, and validate those feelings. You can also help him process and deal with his ever-changing emotions.
Communicating with your son during this time is crucial. And it should be open both ways. Boys aren't as good as girls when it comes to saying what and how they feel, so keep it simple; stick to one topic at a time. Speak directly and plainly.
Be sure you model the kind of lifestyle you want your son to develop. He will follow your example as parents.
Give your son opportunities to make decisions, and let him experience the consequences of those decisions. But be sure to praise him for his successes. Expect the best of your son.
Make sure your son has positive male role models. Teach your son key character traits like perseverance, integrity, respect, honor, compassion and self discipline.
Last of all, train your son to be a leader. Teach him the critical thinking skills he needs to make wise decisions, and emphasize leadership skills like a strong work ethic, respect for authority and accountability.
If you do all these things, your son will develop into the kind of man that makes you – and himself – proud.
Some people have strange habits. Others just have strange, well…they're just weird.
There's a cable TV show out now called "Taboo," and it's all about people and their weirdness. One featured guest was Stanley Thornton Jr., 30, from Oklahoma. This dude likes to dress and act like a baby.
And he weighs about 300 pounds.
Thornton says he can't work because of a disability, and he wears diapers and eats from a bottle. He runs an online support group for adult babies (There's more than one?!) and he designs and builds baby furniture in adults sizes for his peers.
Because of his appearance on the show, Thornton is now being investigated by the state of Oklahoma. Since he has received disability checks for sometime now, but has maintained his furniture building business, the state feels that he has perhaps been receiving those checks in error.
He wears diapers. And eats from a bottle. He thinks he's a big ol' baby. Should he be receiving checks? We don't think so.
But disability? We smell something rotten. And it ain't this dude's diaper.
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