November 2010 - Posts
The holiday season is underway and with that comes holiday shopping. And with holiday shopping comes, well, holiday weirdness.
A couple of women were arrested in Edmond, Okla. this week after officers caught them shoplifting. That's not so unusual. But what made it unusual was where they were hiding the items they lifted.
Ailene Brown, 28, and Shmeco Thomas, 37, were caught concealing $2,600 worth of merchandise at TJ Maxx. Stolen items included four pairs of boots, three pairs of jeans, a wallet and a pair of gloves.
The women hid the items in their "excess skin" – mostly their chests and armpits. How do you even fit that many items in those, um, places?
Today's truly weird item found on eBay are the Handerpants – yep. Underpants for your hands.
These handy tighty whiteys are only $11, and can be shipped as a gift in plenty of time for Christmas.
Why in the world, you ask, would anyone want this truly strange item? Well, according to the maker, Handerpants fit most hands, are made of breathable cotton, prevent chafing, absorbs sweat and is non-toxic.
But get this: they also distract your enemies. We suppose that's because if you put them on, and faced off with your enemy, you'd be wearing underpants…on your hands.
But aside from all that, the maker of Handerpants says they're great for jazz hands.
Enough said. Sold!
Check them out here: http://cgi.ebay.com/Handerpants-Tighty-Whitey-Gloves-your-hands-New-/260699010121?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item3cb2df3449#ht_2484wt_982
Leslie Nielsen died Sunday. Shirley, he will be missed.
Nielsen could have been a serious actor. He certainly had the chops for it. He was Canadian-born, but he came to Hollywood in the mid-1950s, and performed in 150 live television dramas in New York. He was tall, blonde and handsome, the ideal leading man. His performance in "The Poseidon Adventure" is legend.
But inside the serious actor lurked the heart of a prankster. He was known for joking around on set and playing tricks on co-stars. Then along came a little movie that changed everything for Nielsen – a little movie about an airplane crash.
"Airplane" was released in 1980, and was a huge hit. It's still a favorite movie and has gained a cult following. Nielsen's deadpan delivery of those famous one-liners in that film made him a household name. And it made millions laugh. It's still making us laugh.
Nielsen was warned he shouldn't be doing movies like "Airplane," but he said he'd always wanted to do comedy. He went on to do spoofs of famous movies, like "Repossessed," which spoofed "The Exorcist," and "Dracula: Dead and Loving It," which spoofed the hit movie "Dracula." Perhaps he is best known for his "Naked Gun" movies.
Whatever your favorite Nielsen role, you can't help but smile as you remember it. Nielsen had a singular style of punchline delivery and and the deadpan face to deliver the one-liners.
Nielsen's life ended when he died in his sleep, from complications from pneumonia in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. He was born in 1926 in Regina, Saskatchewan, and grew up 200 miles south of the Arctic Circle. Has father was a Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer who beat his wife and children.
Most people don't know that Nielsen was legally deaf, and wore hearing aids most of his life. He had worked as a disc jockey in Calgary, and studied at a radio school in Toronto operated by Lorne Greene. He had four wives; his fourth wife was by his side when he died.
Nielsen was the cherry on top of each and every one of his comedic films, all of which enveloped viewers into a swirling mixture of dry humor, wit, sarcasm, spot-on performances and delightful silliness. He will be missed.
Hollywood – and the world – don't seem quite so funny without him.
The Domino's pizza gross-out pair were in court this week. The duo made a disgusting video while at one of the pizza chain's stores, where they were both employed.
Kristy Hammonds, 31, was charged with felony adulterating food, along with her buddy, Michael Setzer, 32. The video was posted on YouTube.
The video showed Setzer putting cheese up his nose before placing it on a sandwich, passing gas on salami and sneezing on cheese sticks at the pizzeria . Hanover operated the camera and can be heard on the video, encouraging Setzer's shenanigans.
Hammonds was ordered to pay $1,125 in attorney's fees, and to complete 200 hours of community service. She also must avoid working at food preparation businesses while on probation. Setzer received a six-month suspended jail sentence, along with 24 months of probation. Both were fired from their jobs.
But…let's get this straight…neither one of these people are banned forever from working in food service? Come on! Seriously? There has to be some way to blacklist these guys, to keep them from messing up food and grossing us out.
We're sure that at burger places all over America, the occasional burger is dropped and employees are tempted to place it on the bun anyway. It may even happen on occasion. But we hold out hope that food service regulations are upheld and the dirty meat is tossed. We also know from checking food service reviews for restaurants in our area that there are violations recorded every time a restaurant is inspected – some are minor, some are major. But most places make an effort to keep it clean.
What we don't understand is why these two dorks thought it would be funny to stick cheese up your nose or pass gas on sandwich meat before putting it on a sandwich or pizza. Would they have wanted to eat food that had been tampered with in that way? Surely not.
We would strongly urge health inspectors everywhere to carry photos of these two people in your wallets, and pull those pictures out each time you enter a restaurant to inspect it. If you see these people, it should mean an automatic fail. Period.
Spitting on food is gross. Videotaping it and putting it on YouTube because you think it's funny is stupid. Obviously….it's what got these two caught.
But sending that food out for consumption is just plain mean. We say that as part of their probation, the Domino's Dingleberries should be forced to eat a sandwich that has been tampered with, dingleberry-style. Now that's appropriate punishment.
Hair of the dog. Works every time.
Believe it or not, there are some upscale markets in New York that are selling turkeys for as much as $14 a pound. If you do the math, that means you'd be paying $168 for a 12-pound bird.
Why the high price tag? Well, retailer Dean & Deluca said the D'Artagnan wild turkey, which is billed as farm raised from the original wild breed, think the bird is worth the price because of its pedigree. And Good Shepherd Poultry Ranch Heritage is selling a free-range turkey, which they call the "Mercedes Benz" of turkeys, for $11 per pound.
The Brooklyn Kitchen sold wild turkeys for $150 per bird last year, but this year, thanks to the economic downturn, the upscale retailer is offering a less expensive $5.99 per pound turkey from Pennsylvania Amish farms.
Average price of a turkey in your average, run-of-the-mill grocery store? About $1.10 a pound, on the current market.
We think the bird's not the only one whose mellow is being harshed.
Kentucky Fried Chicken has decided that a good tweet is worth about $20,000. Or thereabouts.
The chicken giant will award a $20,000 scholarship to a high school student who sends them the best post on Twitter. We can only guess that it must be poultry-related.
Earlier this year, JetBlue gave away tickets to tweeters as part of its 10th anniversary celebration. And actor Hugh Jackman dared any charity to convince him in one tweet why he should donate $100,000 to that particular charity. He ended up splitting the money between two charities.
In fact, celebrities are getting paid big bucks for their Twitter posts. Kim Kardashian makes $10,000 every time she tweets about a product or company. Her sisters pull in between $5,000 and $10,000 per tweet. Dr. Drew Pinskey makes at least $10,000 every time he name-drops. Even Samantha Ronson, who's best known for dating and breaking up with Lindsay Lohan, gets at least $7,000 for her posts. Stephen Colbert gets paid between $5,000 and $10,000 for his politically correct – and incorrect – posts.
Even "Fake Robert Pattinson" gets paid between $1,000 and $5,000 per tweet. He's not even the real Pattinson. Come on! Seriously?
It's apparent that tweets are major bank for marketers who want to market their goods and services in a quick and cheap way. Cheap? Yes, cheap. Most of the 95 million daily tweets are public. You do the math.
And consumers eat this stuff up. About 23 percent of Twitter users say they specifically follow businesses to find out about deals and sales, according to a Twitter executive.
By now you must be asking yourself, like us, how the common, everyday Joe gets a piece of this action. Apparently, you sign up at sponsoredtweets.com. Your Twitter account must be at least 60 days old, have at least 100 followers and 100 status updates.
Once you sign up, advertisers make you an offer, and you have the option to decline. The advertiser also has the right to review your tweet and request changes, or even deny you the right to post it.
The upside is that you can control how much you get paid, although the site will suggest a number based on your followers and the quality of those followers.
Hmmm…we may give this a try and see how it pans out. We'll get back to you. Follow us on Twitter…wink, wink.
By now, we're sure you've heard about a little movie that's opening this weekend that a few people are excited about – "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows."
Oh. You've heard of it.
Crazy Potter fans – Pott-heads – are foaming at the mouth because there are midnight showings planned for theaters all over the country today for the latest installment in the series, which opens in theaters tomorrow. This installment is touted to be more violent and dark than the others, and is "the beginning of the end," since it's the next-to-last film in the series. The last film is expected to be released in July 2011.
Right now, more than a hundred die-hard Pott-heads are gathered – many of them in costume – at a megaplex in Lehi, Utah watching a Harry Potter marathon. They're all giggly and wiggly, like a bunch of kids who've had sugar, caffeine AND about a dozen Red Bulls each. The marathon leads up to a midnight showing of the newest Potter flick. One fan said she was "very, very, very, very, very, very, very excited."
We think she's excited.
But why the heck do people – of all ages by the way – love Harry? Perhaps it is due in large part to the incredible job J.K. Rowling did of telling a captivating story. From the first chapter of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone," a reader finds that it's like nothing he's ever read before and he can't put it down. Rowling has crafted a world that is unique but much like our own. Over the course of seven books, we are never bored.
We also love the characters. Harry is an underdog. He's the boy who lived. And everyone loves an underdog. He defeats the ultimate evil in his world, and that makes him a bonafide hero. An underdog with tights and a cape. And a wand. You can't beat that.
It's clear the books were written for adolescents, but the series has a huge adult following as well. Why?
Parents have bonded with their children over the books, and have relived their own childhoods as well. Harry Potter helped parents get in touch with their children and connect with them on a deeper level at a time when it would seem the two parties were living on different planets.
Perhaps the greatest reason that adults have connected with the books and the characters within them is that the series allowed us to escape, however briefly, to a time when we had far few worries and responsibilities.
And that, friends, is the best magic of all.
While we acknowledge that when you gotta go, you gotta go…we have to say this is one of the weirdest things we've ever seen on eBay.
It's called Rutt Wipe Blaze Orange Toilet Paper, and it's listed as a special deal right now for the bargain price of $4.97 for a two-roll package. You can see this awesomely strange product at http://cgi.ebay.com/Rutt-Wipe-Blaze-Orange-Toilet-Paper-2-Pack-/280590094355?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item4154791013#ht_1284wt_783.
Apparently, there is merit to this wondrous orange paper product. Hunters use it in the wild so that other hunters will see the orange and be able to distinguish the person who's, um, "going" from a whitetail deer. It would seem that a hunter's tushy and a whitetail deer look the same in the bush.
And the good news is that this product is biodegradable. Mother Nature won't be harmed. She'll look like she's been eating Cheetos for a few days, but ultimately, she won't be harmed.
Maybe it was the studs. Maybe it was the boots. Perhaps he didn't like the fishnets. Or maybe the batwing-like skirt sent him over the edge. Maybe he's just not a fan of the goth look.
Whether it was the costume she wore or not, it's clear that 67-year-old Steven Cowan, of Vermont, Wis., couldn't take it anymore after Bristol Palin danced on "Dancing with the Stars," so he took a shotgun and blasted his television. The shooting led to an overnight standoff with a SWAT team.
And, as if that wasn't enough, the man then turned the gun on his wife. Perhaps she had voted for Palin.
Officers were able to talk him down, and no one was hurt. But Cowan was charged with second degree reckless endangerment, which could mean up to 10 years in prison for him if he's convicted.
By the way, Cowan is bipolar.
Maybe Cowan's hatred of Palin's dancing skills goes a little deeper. There is, after all, a controversy brewing. Palin, despite landing at the bottom of the leader board week after week, continues to hang in there. Her skills on the dance floor have been, at best, mediocre, although she has shown improvement since her first dance.
On Tuesday night, Palin beat out the favored team of Brandy and Maksim Chmerkovskiy, who had been awarded a perfect score the night before. It was a shocker, to say the least. This secures Palin and her partner, Mark Ballas, a spot in the top three and in the semifinals.
The other controversy is that Palin has been kept on the show this year because of who her mother is – the original Mama Grizzly herself, Sarah Palin. There's also been rumblings about Republicans stuffing the ballot box for the former teen mom. Conspiracy theorists have even accused Tea Party supporters of gaming DWTS' voting system to ensure that Palin doesn't get eliminated.
If Palin hangs in there next week, she'll likely go toe to toe against long-favored Jennifer Grey, who was touted as this season's winner early-on because, well, nobody puts Baby in a corner.
Maybe Cowan knew all of this, and he was outraged. Maybe he was outraged because Republicans are rigging the system to keep Mama Grizzly's cub on the dance floor. Maybe he's a fan and is tired of all the accusations that have been hurled at Alaska's sweetheart.
Or maybe he's just nuts.
Whatever the case, we must keep in mind that the prize for the winner of this contest is a tacky mirror ball trophy. Seriously. We say, give the dang ball to Cowan. It's pretty…and shiny. Staring at shiny things calms crazy people. And that would be a much better use of that thing.
Can you see Russia from her house? Nope. You betcha.
But starting this Sunday, all of America will be able to see Sarah Palin from theirs. Up close and personal. And the former Miss Wasilla is perfectly fine with that.
"Sarah Palin's Alaska" premiers this Sunday on TLC, and it will center around Palin and her family. The show is expected to be part adventure travel, part documentary, and part reality television, all with the state of Alaska as the backdrop. The promos on television have featured Palin touting the joys of living in Alaska, with its wildlife, scenery and outdoor activities galore.
But Palin says the show won't be "Housewives of Alaska." She says the series will showcase the state she loves, showing America why she loves it so.
Sarah Palin has become a household name – everybody's heard of her. If you haven't seen her, you've no doubt at least seen Saturday Night Life alumnus Tina Fey's hilarious spoof of the former vice presidential candidate.
In recent months, Palin has made headlines for helping to energize the Tea Party movement, and she's backed dozens of Republicans all over the country. In the past week, she's taken on a well known reporter for the Wall Street Journal. Palin was criticized for her monetary policy remarks by the publication, and she defended herself, misquoting the reporter in the process. That, of course, garnered even more negative press for Palin.
But Palin is seemingly unflappable when it comes to the press. She takes her licks in stride, dishing it out just as heartily as she gets it.
The political world has long been abuzz with the question of whether Palin will make a run for the White House in 2012. Palin has remained coy, saying only that if no one else is up for the job, she'll take a jab at it.
Many in politics don't take her seriously, saying she's just a big ball of celebrity fluff. Those same critics say her show will only exacerbate that.
But Palin says the show will "undo a lot of the untruths, inaccuracies and lies about our family." She says its a way to show what her family is really all about.
Whatever the outcome, it's clear that Palin will continue to speak her mind about the things she sees going on in America. She says she's just "callin' it like I see it."
Whether you agree with her politics or not, you gotta like that about Palin. Few people in politics are that honest. As Mama Bear would say, "Buck up or stay in the truck."
So we'll see this Sunday what makes the Mama Bear tick. We think this is gonna be good. You betcha...
Her little boy just wanted to dress like Daphne for one day. He didn't ask to dress like a girl all the time. He just liked the character from "Scooby Doo" and chose it as his Halloween costume.
We don't see what the big deal is. It is, after all, a common thing for boys around the age of 4 or 5 to dress in costumes, often the ones that girl wear. Girls dress up in boys' costumes as well. They're not exploring their sexuality – they're simply playing dress-up.
And it's not like there weren't plenty of grown men running around on Halloween, dressed like everything from the Church Lady to Snooki.
The little boy's mom, Sarah, blogged about the reaction her son's costume choice received, not from other kids, but from adults. She wrote, "Two mothers went wide-eyed and made faces as if they smelled decomp. And I realize that my son is seeing the same thing I am. So I say, 'Doesn't he look great?' And Mom A says in disgust, 'Did he ask to be that?!' I say that he sure did as Halloween is the time of year that you can be whatever it is that you want to be. They continue with their nosy, probing questions as to how that was an option and didn't I try to talk him out of it. Mom B mostly just stood there in shock and dismay."
Sarah said she was asked, of course, if her son is gay. Her answer was that she doesn't know yet, she doesn't think her son knows yet, and if he is, she's okay with it.
We think it's a sad thing in this world when this type of thing makes headlines and gets so much attention. Does the fact that people are starving right in our own backyard in the U.S. get a headline? Not often. Do we regularly read about the plight of the homeless in America? Nope. What about all the abandoned or "throw-away" children? Do they make headlines? Not hardly.
But a kid dresses up like Daphne and we all hear about it.
In our opinion, that's truly messed up.
Once in a while, you just need a good belly laugh. This, for today, is ours. Enjoy.
And he said: “Son, this world is rough
And if a man’s gonna make it, he’s gotta be tough
And I knew I wouldn’t be there to help ya along.
So I give ya that name and I said goodbye
I knew you’d have to get tough or die
And it’s the name that helped to make you strong.”
He said: “Now you just fought one hell of a fight
And I know you hate me, and you got the right
To kill me now, and I wouldn’t blame you if you do.
But ya ought to thank me, before I die,
For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
Cause I’m the son-of-a-*** that named you 'Sue.' ”
— “A Boy Named Sue” by Johnny Cash
We thought naming a boy "Sue" was bad. Try living with Pilot Inspektor. Or how about Bronx Mowgli? Hollywood…? Try HollyWEIRD. At least when it comes to naming babies.
We are fascinated when it comes to the monikers some Hollywood types tack onto their offspring. So we did a little research. Here are some of our faves…
Apple: Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow
Audio Science: Shannyn Sossamon
Aurelius Cy: Elle Mcpherson and Arpad Busson
Camera: Arthur Ashe and Jeanne Moutoussamy
Fifi Triibell: Bob Geldoff and Paula Yates
Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily: Paula Yates and Michael Hutchence
Kal-El Coppola: Nicholas Cage
Blanket: Michael Jackson
Sage Moonblood: Sylvester Stallone and Sasha Czack
Satchel: Spike Lee and Tonya Lewis Lee
Seven Sirius: Andre Benjamin and Erykah Badu
Tu Morrow: Rob Morrow
When you look at these names, where does your attention go? To the kids? Nope To the parents. We think that was the intent. But don't you Hollywood types get enough attention already? You're an artist…uber-creative in every way…so of course your kid can't have a normal name, like the rest of us unenlightened peasants are forced to bestow.
Fame can really mess with your head.
But hey, if you're gonna do this, why not go all out? Here are our suggestions for some truly "out there" names for the next generation of Hollywood offspring. We take our inspiration from the animal kingdom, drugs (the ones celebrities are most likely familiar with) and some sexually-transmitted diseases (again, the ones they're likely most familiar with)...
Feel free to use these names, in any combination. We just don't want to know about it. We're weirded out enough as it is.
This week's "Now THAT'S chutzpah!" Award goes to church members at St. Paul's Lutheran Church in Des Peres, Mo. They kicked Jesus out of their church.
Well…not really. You see, there's a Missouri man named Neal Thompson who attends services at a different church each Sunday. That's not so unusual. But Thompson dons a Jesus costume. Really.
Thompson says he wears the costume to spread the message of his Christian faith, but when he tried to attend a service at St. Paul's he was stopped and questioned by a deacon. The man asked Thompson who he was and what he wanted, to which Thompson simply replied, "I want to go to church here today."
The deacon peppered Thompson with questions about his faith, and other church members joined in, and he was told to wait in the hallway. Thompson tried to argue his case, but the church members wouldn't hear him.
Parishioners called the police, and Thompson left peacefully once the police arrived and asked him to do so.
But Thompson doesn't hold a grudge. He knows what Jesus would do.
"I forgive them," he said.
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