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The explanation, the bitterness, and the body parts that go along with it. (A badly written extended metaphor).

I came to the conclusion that I was bitter by observing the people around me interact with me. You may say “well no shit, asshole, how else would you do it”, but fuck you, I’m writing the blog here. It has become apparent, throughout the course of my life, especially in the later years of high school, that my proclivity towards being a bitter asshole (haha bitter asshole) keeps on increasing in a fairly proportional ratio to the amount of people I interact with (graph attached). I was, in short, struck by this thought as I was punching a street sign after a party fairly recently. So I thought “hey, assholes sometimes vent… they fume, so why not do that in a productive manner which makes people like you?” (queue light bulb) Fucking A! An asshole fuming… wow… what a thought. I then start to think of ideas about ways to do this: Do I get in a fight with everyone I see because they piss me off? Do I pull an Emily Dickinson? Do I try to meditate and rise above? Do I start and hardcore band with a bunch of angry American kids who express their hate for conventional bitterness by wearing foot gloves and hoodies? No. I decided to do what all Americans with an internet connection do and take the human element out of this. I have created a blog. Yes, I am now part of millions of people who sit on a chair and protest, vent, learn, talk, teach, and fuck online. Only I’m doing it out of spite, so that makes it all right… right? I remembered reading an E-Mail about a blog contest and blowing the thing off because of the level of retardation involved in a blogging competition. But then I decided to go back and re-read. *QUEUE SECOND LIGHT BULB* Of course, I think, what better way to vent? Why not put my bitterness into compost and let it solidify? Why not put my thoughts into this toilet that is the internet? So I’ve decided to release, and let people enjoy the cathartic peak of my bitter self rather than kill myself over my interactions with people. This probably makes no sense, but I’m the one writing the blog here. And I thus conclude the dirty extended metaphor of this first post, and I hope you got it, because it was brilliant to say the least… Have fun reading, An asshole.
Published Jan 19 2009, 04:27 AM by bp07c
Attachment: Graph.jpg
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