A Thin Line

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Why is the dungeon bat so hot?

I noticed it in the first movie…there was just something about Severus Snape. I found him, oddly enough, hot. As the movies from the Harry Potter franchise continued to be churned out, I continued to find Snape hot. I feared that not only was I alone, but that friends and family would disown me and label me completely mental. 

I mean, after all, I read the books. The character of Snape, as created by J.K. Rowling, hasn't got a single drop of sexy on him. In fact, he's described as mean and ugly. But I have discovered that I am not alone. In fact, there are women all over the world, by the millions even, who are all hot and bothered for Snape. While many have embraced their obsession, there are those who are just downright confounded by it. 

There's no doubt that ladies love Snape. Here's why, in my humble opinion, so many of the fairer sex want to get into Snape's robes…

• One of the biggest reasons is, without a doubt, Alan Rickman's voice. It is like velvety chocolate that wraps around you, warms you and then gives you that come-here index finger thing. Many would say that Rickman is average looking and, well, the man is 65. But his voice triggers a primal mating instinct in women everywhere. Don't believe me? Get on YouTube, and search for Rickman reading anything. Listen to it, then try and tell me what the plot was in what he just read. You won't be able to. Trust me. And besides…you know what they say about men with big noses.

• He's tall, dark and mysterious. What woman doesn't fantasize about that? Cliche? Yes. True? Ever so. Women in general like to discover what lies beneath the men their hearts beat for. And if he's mysterious and a tad bit on the scary side, all the better. Besides…Snape said, "I shall attempt to penetrate your mind and you shall attempt to resist me." Enough said.

• Women don't like nice guys. There are lots of nice guys out there who would attest to this, but the fact is, most women do like nice guys. But they also like the bad boys. Snape is the consummate bad boy. Women look at him and think that if they could only bite into the hard candy shell, they could get to his sweet chewy center. It's a total turn-on.

• Every woman likes a tortured soul. Let's face it, we women have a nurturing attitude. Who better to comfort than a man who has endured years of torture, ridicule and inner turmoil? We all know Snape hugs his pillow and cries every night because he's wounded and sensitive. 

• Smart is sexy. Snape is, without a doubt, brilliant. Women find this attractive. Very attractive, indeed. 

• Sarcastic is funny, and a dark sense of humor is strangely alluring. We all like our men to make us laugh – but if they add a little bitter, well…bitter chocolate has its own allure.

• Snape is noble. He does the right thing. He chooses to protect the son of the woman he loves, even though he knows he can never have her, and looking at her son with another man just reminds him of that fact. Girls love us some noble dudes – and there's no more noble dude than Severus, honey.

• Perhaps the No. 1 reason Snape is hot is that he is a romantic. Oh, you do have to bite into that hard candy coating to find this, but once you do, you find a love that is white hot. Snape loved the object of his affection until the day he died, despite everything. And everything he did was for her. This is what every cheesy romance novel is built on, right?

Snape was scorned by his peers, hated by his students and dissed by the woman he loved. He did all of this, knowing he would never be recognized for the hero he was. He sacrificed it all, willingly. 

The question, therefore, is not, "Why is Snape hot?" It is, instead, "How long will women everywhere be obsessed with Severus Snape?"

The answer is simple: Always.

Posted: Jan 12 2012, 11:44 AM by Red On The Head | with no comments
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