A Thin Line

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May 2011 - Posts

Just a little tweetage...

It seems everyone these days is into social media. It's not, "Can I get your number?" any more when you meet someone. It's "Are you on Facebook?" or "Do you have a Twitter?"


Me? I have both. I had a MySpace page until I realized how socially unacceptable it was. So I deleted it. Couldn't face the mockery.


I love reading funny status updates and tweets. It's the highlight of my day. What's that? "Get a life," you say? You are correct, sir and/or madam. I should get a life. And I will. Right after I tweet that I'm going to get a life.


So in that spirit, here are some of my best tweets/updates. Please, to enjoy.


What type of toothbrush do you prefer? I like acoustic much better than electric.


Dang. What am I gonna do with this Oprah show Groupon now?


I just officially notified my boss. I'm calling in raptured Monday.


So…mankind is to be destroyed Saturday, then the earth on Oct. 21. I'd destroy the earth first so I could watch mankind float in space.


Just stubbed my toe on my desk. I know it's because I didn't forward that chain e-mail to 10 friends. Dangit.


Just saw a little spider on my calculator. Arachnerd.


Sometimes it's impossible to understand all the guy talk around me. I need to get Brosetta Stone.


I have named my computer hard drive That Thang, so once a month, my computer will ask me to back That Thang up.


Speaking as a fat-bottomed girl, I'm not altogether sure how to make the rockin' world go 'round. It's just too much pressure.


Steve Jobs needs to wax his iBrows. Just sayin'…


When I'm having a bad day, I like to think of Prince William, Prince and will.i.am introducing themselves to each other.


Why Walmart? Because going to Target requires a shower and a comb.


And finally, the wildly popular...


I'm having a great butt day today. Think I'll keep parting it in the middle.


Enjoy your Memorial Day weekend.

Posted: May 27 2011, 01:08 PM by Red On The Head | with no comments
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Admit it and get over it already, Mr. Trump

Ladies and gentlemen: The world is safe again. U.S. SEALs shot Osama bin Laden and, finally, Donald Trump revealed his haircare secrets.


We can all breathe a sigh of relief. 


Trump was recently interviewed about his famous coif, and he said his routine is simple: he washes with Head and Shoulders, then lets it air dry for an hour, because he says he fears a blow dryer would leave his locks voluminous and puffy. Once dry, he combs it a little forward, then back. 


He doesn't mention hairspray, but judging from some of the photos I've seen, there is some major shellacking going on there.


When asked about his do, Trump insists it's not a comb-over. But let's break down "The Trump"…


1. Sweep thinning front section to the side to provide a band of cover above the forehead.


2. Take the longest back section and propel it forward so that the "comb-over" lies at a 90-degree angle with the under layer, thus providing the illusion of thickness.


3. Take a third section from the top, in line with the left ear, and sweep it backwards at an angle to disguise the thinning on top.


4. To finish off the do that's really a don't, comb the hair directly over the ear backwards, making sure to not mix in any hair that might be sticking out of the ear.


5. Give the hair an ample spray with the hair shellack of your choosing. The Donald prefers to use Aqua Net, so I'm told. It holds without detracting from the glossy sheen of his golden locks.


Here's the deal, Mr. Trump: It's clearly a comb-over. You know it. We know it. Even the Pakistani people know it, and we all know they're not the brightest crayons in the box. So just admit it already. 


Posted: May 13 2011, 12:48 PM by Red On The Head | with no comments
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It was Osama – We know it and they know it – Done

President Barack Obama was hounded about his birth certificate, and he finally produced one. Then in April we found out it was Photoshopped and his rating in the polls dropped. Again.


Then in early May, the president got a major shot in the arm – he announced that Osama bin Laden had been shot and killed by U.S. SEALs in Pakistan. 


But Islamic newspapers are reporting skepticism about the U.S. assassination of bin Laden, especially since it comes on the heels of the whole birth certificate thing.


"Only a gullible section of Americans are falling for this nonsense while the rest of the world is maintaining a healthy disbelief over the news that the al Qaida leader was killed in a compound in Abbottabad," said British journalist Yvonne Ridley, who also asked why the bin Laden's body was dumped at sea, eliminating every bit of vital evidence.


"If I were a cynic, I'd point out that it certainly has stopped people focusing on and talking about Obama's birth certificate," she said.


What Ridley has forgotten is that al Qaida has confirmed that their leader is dead, and they've vowed revenge. 


Al Qaida released a statement today on militant websites, saying that Americans' "happiness will turn to sadness." There was no indication of how the militants planned to retaliate.


But is has been reported that documents detailing plans for the derailing of an American train were found in bin Laden's Pakistani hideout, and the documents stated the plans were to be carried out on the upcoming 10th anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks. 


The militants' statement also warned that the U.S. had better not mistreat bin Laden's body, or there would be hell to pay. Many, even in the U.S., have questioned why bin Laden's body was buried at sea, and why so quickly.


Here's the deal: the reason is that Islamic tradition calls for a deceased person to be buried within 24 hours. The U.S., in other words, treated bin Laden's body better than he would have treated any American.


But why at sea? If you were the leader of a country, any country, would you want bin Laden to be buried in your backyard? There's also speculation that no matter where he was buried, that spot would become both a place of worship and a place of violence. 


As for Ridley's claims, let us just say, we Americans aren't stupid. We got a DNA test. We know we got him. Period. End of discussion.

Posted: May 06 2011, 11:33 AM by Red On The Head | with no comments
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